tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

OK so it's now been a month and three days and the skinhunger is setting in with three weeks still to go.

Skinhunger is that feeling of missing bodily contact. Not necessarily sex (although yes, I miss that too), but touching, and in my case, smelling another person up close.

What? I experience the world through my senses and smell is one of them. I like the smell of people, right up to and including hot sweaty people - as long as they don't have that unwashed smell, warm skin is one of the nicest smells there is.

And the nicest feelings.

There are lots of great things about being apart from your partner for a while. It's a chance to explore total independence, to blob around in your jammies and be lazy about food and bedtimes, to take up opportunities without having to consider another person, and (this may be just me) to do riveting indoors without pissing anyone off. I admit that I enjoy having a bunch of time to myself, and I also enjoy knowing that my partner is off having adventures that will add to the things we have to share with each other when he gets back. It makes me very happy that we're both ok with this kind of separation, and I feel kind of smug when people are surprised that I 'let' Dr Wheel go to Burning Man without me.

Newsflash, I didn't 'let' him do anything, because he doesn't need my permission to live his life the way he chooses. I *did* encourage him, because why wouldn't I? It's an adventure, and Dr Wheel's adventurous nature is one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. I don't think love places limits on people - I think love removes them - so the idea of me trying to stop him from having adventures for the sake of.. actually I don't know why I'd do that.. but yeah, it would be the opposite of love.

The smugness comes from my historic awareness of the general view of love as ownership and how detrimental that can be to happiness as a couple. Knowing that we're not like that? Priceless to me.

But I miss him. Skinhunger is like actual hunger - it gnaws. I won't die like I would without food. It does make for some yearnins though. ;-/
Tags: much skinhungry, so tragedy, very touch, woe is me
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