tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Well okay then

Flag of the day that I struggle to remember: the Romanian one. It's three bands of colour in vertical - blue, yellow, red:

And there is nothing in this that says 'Romania' to me. It doesn't even have a design that I can bastardise into alliteration like the Serbian seagull or the Moldovan mollyhawk.

So instead of alliterating (?), I'm attempting to remember it by telling you about it. I guess I could also go Red, Right, Romania.. hmm.. hey guess what LJ? You're learning the flags with me! Congratulations! *ahem*

A couple of years ago I created a bit of a storm in a teacup by saying on Twitter that I think Foo Camp is elitist. New Zealand has one of these camps, and a significant number of people I know have been invited over the years. The premise is gathering together interesting people to see what happens - and because the people who I know that have been invited don't even scratch the surface of interesting people I know, I felt, rightly or wrongly, that the exclusivity created a layer of elitism that I am not entirely comfortable with.

The reactions were interesting, ranging from "Of course it is, that's the point" (I liked that answer by the way), through "Feel free to create your own event that's inclusive" (to which I replied "You may have heard of Kiwiburn") *ahem*, through to staunch defences and some attacks on the idea that 'elitist' contains a value judgement.

And there was one person who said "If you're invited, go, judge for yourself."

And that's what just happened. So I will go, and I will judge for myself. I accepted the invite this morning.

Interestingly, now I'm feeling two warring emotions. One is the same one that makes me refuse to use the Koru lounge* - not the same because Foo isn't a pay-for-privilege thing, but a similar 'what makes me and these other people so special?' type feeling.

The other is the one where I wonder what the hell I have to offer. Because from in here, it doesn't look like I'm all that interesting. This is not your cue to tell me how interesting I am by the way - I'm aware that other people tend to find the things I do fairly interesting. But self-effacement has been a coping mechanism for me, with the consequence that standing up and going "Look at me, I am interesting!" feels very very weird, and a bit like faking it. I much prefer to be background interesting and hope people notice.

But then when they notice, I feel embarrassed that they noticed, and wonder how on earth I'll measure up to these expectations I've created.

Anyway, you have to hashtag yourself with three tags, I think as part of an introduction thing. I tagged myself the following:

# ethical hedonism
# evidence based drug policy
# making stuff

Because # not-a-hacker sounded too negative and facetious even if it's true, and # refuses-to-use-the-koru-lounge, well, that's just asking to spend the weekend having people explain to me in detail why I'm wrong. ;-)

And those ones up there are pretty accurate, I think.

So I'm looking forward to that on a number of levels. I'm told there's a lot more Humanities creeping into the STEM these days, which makes me happy and also makes me feel as if I may have something useful to offer. I guess we'll see.

Yadda yadda, self doubt warring with ingrained tall poppy syndrome, blah blah blah. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I had to duct tape the greenhouse together to keep it in one piece for the storm, but it's still sitting there like Buddha and the chillies and capsicums have survived. Go me! Or technically, go the duct tape.

# taping up your greenhouse


* This is something to do with the idea of paying money for special treatment and 'free stuff' as if you're better than everyone else, rubbing me up the wrong way. As if money makes you more deserving or something. I'm aware that very few people share my feelings on this but there you go.
Tags: i r silly, red right romania!, wheee!, wtf is a foo anyway
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