tatjna (tatjna) wrote,
tatjna
tatjna

Women's sexuality - explained! (again)

Last night I was in a plane heading for Canada, only it was flying very low over the Makara Hills instead, and eventually bellied gently into the water in Cook Strait - conveniently in jumping distance from Red Rocks. The pilot came into the cabin, announced "I am John Key's secret lover" and jumped out the window. O.o

This is the second flying-to-Canada-but-crashing-instead dream I've had lately. Hmm.

Anyway, turns out Happy grabbed the wrong bag before jumping to safety, and it was full of P, which made the rest of my dream really weird. And also made him very popular with the other passengers.

And then I woke up and it was all a dream. *cough*


No seriously, that's the title of this recently published book that claims to dispel a whole bunch of myths about female sexuality. I haven't read it, but I note that it's written by a man. Aren't they all? I mean really, all this stuff about what WomenTM want seems to be an endlessly fascinating topic - for men. Those who claim to be experts in it then go and tell other men all about what WomenTM want. It's a multi-million dollar industry.

News flash. WomenTM don't exist - at least not as a group that all want the same thing that you can neatly package into a couple of hundred pages and solve all the problems of the last .. well, since the dawn of civilisation really. Why is women's sexuality considered to be such a mystery? From what I can tell, this book is going back and having another look at that Dark Ages idea that women's sexuality is some kind of primal force that may even *gasp* be more influential in our minds than men's. And we are supposed to consider this a step forward. Because that kind of thinking by men did so much for women in the past, right? And I can't believe that they are describing the idea that loss of libido is not inevitable as 'revelatory'. What the fucking fuck?

I have no doubt that there's some interesting stuff in there. I've no doubt that the author thinks he is enlightening and empowering women with his work (although I have my doubts that statements like 'are we not yet ready for a world in which women can become aroused at the simple popping of a pill?' are all that empowering, eh?). It might even be good science - maybe some of his conclusions are right, at least for some women.

But I reckon I could write a better book about What WomenTM Want, and have it pretty bloody covered in terms of the vast majority of women. It would be a small book, maybe with a big pink question mark on the cover. Inside, there'd be a page. It'd say this:

"To be seen as a human being, not a puzzle to be solved. To be able to express their sexuality without it being taken as a representation of their whole gender or used as a weapon against them. And above all, for their chosen partner(s) to ask them as individual sexual beings what they want - and to actually listen to the answer. The End."

Seriously, this is not rocket science. We don't need tomes and tomes written by men to work this out. Women are people, people are sexual to a greater or lesser degree. Sexuality is an individual thing driven by a whole bunch of different factors - internal, external, physical, emotional, spiritual. Every person is a mish-mash of these factors that pops out in a vast spectrum of sexual expression, and even within an individual, that expression will vary from day to day, week to week, hour to hour depending on a whole bunch of other different factors. Understanding this for any individual isn't going to come from a book - it's going to come from paying attention to them as a human being with agency to decide for themselves what they want. Because that's what women are.

Gah. I've spent a large part of my life being told how my sexuality should be, by various people who consider themselves experts on female sexuality - a surprising number of whom have been men. They're all bloody wrong. My sexuality is mine, and if you're close enough to me and I trust you enough, you already know what that means. I'm not shy about the details, either. If you've read some book and already decided how my sexuality is, a) you're wrong and b) you're unlikely to ever find out the truth, because I find being 'splained one of the biggest turnoffs there is.

I can see some value in this book for those who have been indoctrinated into the standard view of female sexuality. You know, that one that assumes that WomenTM are naturally monogomous and nurturing because EVOLUTION!, that we give sex to get love, that we are not visually stimulated, that we just aren't as horny as men because of the seed-spreading drive or something, and that we're only turned on by so-called Alpha Males behaving like douchebags? Yeah, perhaps those people should read it. Reckon they will?


*cough* tl;dr: If you want to know what women want, ask one! And don't assume her answer speaks for every woman ever. Because that would be stupid.

lalala just be thankful I didn't write a long missive about what turns me on, mmk?

[edit] Oh yeah, and then there was this: Worst horse photos of 2013:

Tags: cos we're a monolith, ffs whut, sexy sexy sex, women
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