Just when I thought I'd seen everything.. - Tactical Ninja
Mar. 15th, 2013
09:55 am - Just when I thought I'd seen everything..
The other day, someone (the YoT denies all knowledge but I'm pretty sure it was him) introduced me to the concept of Swole. I have no idea how it came up and tbh I'm not sure I want to know, but apparently it's a thing. What sort of thing? This sort of thing:
This dude is Swole.
I guess it stems from being 'all swole up' - like a balloon? Like someone who's allergic to kitties?
Ok maybe not. Anyway, it isn't just about having big muscles. Apparently it's a lifestyle. It involves a lot of weight lifting:
And also, diet. I kid you not. Swole.me is a site where you put in how many calories you want to eat over how many meals, and it plans a diet for you. But only if you want to get swole. Does it come with a set of ginsu knives? Apparently not, but it does come with a religion. Yes, you read that right. The Swole have a god, name of Brodin. That's a portmanteau* of Bro and Odin. The Odin of the Bros! How clever!
Turns out that Brodin started as some kind of tongue-in-cheek joke among the Swole, but has gradually taken on a status of his own because the attributes that he's been embodied with are actually inspirational for those seeking to achieve The Ultimate Swole. pombagira take note.
One thing that I think is pretty tongue-in-cheek is the Swole Acceptance subreddit, where the Swole gather and talk about the difficulty of being Swole in a non-Swole world, using such terms as 'weak privilege', and asking about how to deal with sexual harrassment at work:
"Sons of Brodin, I share a tale we all know. Us devout worshipers of the Iron Temple have all experienced this. We go to work and our coworkers eye us, up and down. The females comment on our bodies, perhaps even touching our rippling abdominals or bulging pectorals. They treat us like animals, like objects. But we are MEN. We have feelings and privacy. We crafted these bodies for ourselves, not for others to gaze upon. How do you, my brothers, handle the constant passes, sexual harassment and objectification?"
I'm pretty sure it's satire, but.. um.. like Brodin, I can see it becoming more serious as time goes by. Witness the person who's changed the Lord's Prayer to have a Swole theme:
Numerous be thy gains.
Thy reps come
Thy sets be done on the bench
As it is in the squat rack.
Give us this day our daily protein.
And correct us of our improper form,
As we correct them that round their backs among us.
And lead us not into laziness,
But deliver us from plateaus.
For thine is the deadlift,
The power clean and the squat,
For several times a week,
*cough* Yes, well. And then there's the Twitter, @SwollProblems. And, well, there's this:
If you're now going "What the fuck did I just watch?" Well, you and me both. What is this even. etc.
But really, when hipsters start doing something, you know it's jumped the shark, right?
I think it's safe to say that I'm unlikely to ever be posting to /r/swoleacceptance, just saying.
* I always thought 'portmanteau' meant some kind of fancy suitcase.