tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

The inevitable year in retrospect thing

I've been doing this every year for the last few years, and since it's nearly the end of yet another year (that'd be year 9 for me on LJ), here's a retrospective thingummy:

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before? Completed a degree. Hot boxed the shower in a four star hotel. Military pressed my own body weight. Spent a week doing nothing but play video games. *censored*. Realised that getting all As means more than just bragging rights on the internet. Read fanfic. Lived with Dr Wheel.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No. I've found that the way you start the New Year does seem to set the tone for the year though. Last year it was things not going quite according to plan but working out OK anyway. This year I've been invited to be part of a psychedelic amoeba. I think it would be nice for the tone of the year to be PrettyShinySilly. I've had a few SRS BSNS years in a row and I'm kind of done with that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? The latest Wheel was born, name of Daxton, in July. He's now old enough to be interactive and is awesome at pulling the WTF face which cracks me up. I'm not really into babies but he's cute and becoming more interesting by the day.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thankfully. I'm done with death for a while, I hope.

5. What countries did you visit? Sydney and Melbourne. Yes I know they aren't countries but it sounds better if I say two cities than "Oh, just Australia." This year coming, to challenge myself, I'd like to find a drug policy conference in an exotic location and go to it.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? A brain that's free of that niggling Thing I Have To Do in the background. I'm already experiencing that to an extent with having finished study, but I haven't learned to trust it yet.

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 19th October. My final exam. Why? Five years is a bloody long time to be studying, and I feel as though I dragged myself over the finish line by my tongue.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Oh, that'd be making a perfect replica of the 7th tier Enchanter's Staff and Freedom's Call from Dragon Age. Yep. Well, actually, it was acing my degree but it seems I've gone on about that a lot. Also, getting a tutor to yell at me, and getting the hang of cohabiting with Dr Wheel after having a long distance relationship for 16 months.

9. What was your biggest failure? Being social. With everything else that's been going on, I just haven't been arsed with socialising. When I think about it, it's not that surprising but I still feel as if it's a failure on my part when I just don't go to things.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I got OOS in my neck and a mystery injury in my shoulder that flared up after a day spent playing silly buggers on a trapeze. I've spent most of the latter part of the year being twisted into a pretzel by Osteodude, and about half of my workouts are now strengthening exercises given by him. It's coming right but it'll be months yet and I can probably kiss goodbye to an aerial career. Luckily I'm more into handstands these days.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Double glazing for our bedroom. Not very exciting I know, but it keeps the noise out so I can sleep when it rains (like it's doing now), and that makes a big difference to my life. Also, tickets to Rainbow Serpent. Because if I'm going to get back to somewhere near how I want my life to be, it needs to include festivals again. Choosing to go to Rainbow Serpent with my friends instead of Kiwiburn with Illuminati was a tough call, but I realised it's been two years since we were all at a festival together, and when push comes to shove, good times with my people will win every time.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? rivet. She knows why. I could gush on here about how fantastic she is and everyone would nod and agree, but the things I'm celebrating are over and above. *loves*

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? My own. The last few years have not been good for me, attitude wise. I feel as though I've become more judgemental, more acerbic, more confrontational, less sociable and crankier. I've said some things in the heat of the moment that I've regretted and I don't like when I do that. I've not bothered to get out and about to meet new people, and spent far too much time feeling sorry for myself. Part of my plan for next year is to get back to my mostly-positive headspace where I actually like people and want to spend time with them.

14. Where did most of your money go? Insurance! Fuckers. Well, actually, that's only true if I go "House related stuff" as a total - mortgage, bodycorp fees, rates etc. Thrilling, I know. But we also bought double glazing for our bedroom, sorted out the fans in the bathroom so mould doesn't grow on the ceiling any more, put thermal curtains on the upstairs windows, and sorted two storage cupboards. Still not thrilling to those who don't live here, but pretty exciting for us, and not a bad effort for our first year in the new place.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Finishing my degree. Wow, I am coming to see how much this has dominated my thoughts this year. How did you lot even put up with me?

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? I'm not sure. I haven't really listened to a lot of music this year. Should do something about that.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or hardened?: I think I'm hardened. I don't like it.
ii. thinner or fatter?: A bit thinner? Maybe more muscly? Definitely stronger.
iii. richer or poorer?: About the same, although with Dr Wheel living here I have more disposable income, which is nice.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Getting to know new people, being happy and outgoing. Working towards changing the world instead of just making observations about it.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Thinking it's all my fault. Actually, Tats, you don't have that much control or matter that much in the grand scheme of things, so blaming yourself is just self-indulgence and kind of egocentric. Because knowing that makes it better, right?

20. How will you be spending Christmas? We hosted the family (my three, Dr Wheel's 9) at our house. It went way more smoothly than I thought it would, and we had loads of food and things left over. If you turn up to our house in the next couple of days, we will ply you with chocolate. Yep. I like the big noisy family Christmas, it's not something I'm used to and it's not like people say in that there wasn't one fistfight or nasty closet-skeleton. The Wheel family is awesome and I'm glad they count me in.

22. Did you fall in love in 2012? Yes. In 2008 I fell in love with Dr Wheel as he was then. In 2011 I fell in love with Dr Wheel as he was in Hong Kong. This year I've fallen in love with Dr Wheel as he is now. We're living together for the first time and I'd be lying if I said that'd been easy to get used to. The last few years have been hard on us both for various reasons, and this year has been a case of dealing with the fallout from that while getting accustomed to being in each other's space constantly. It's been *interesting*, but he is not afraid to communicate about the hard stuff, and even though we've both been changed by the years between, we're still pulling together and I feel as though this tough year's been a bit of a test that we've come through pretty strong. Besides, he's lovable. Everyone knows that.

23. How many one-night stands? Countless. Literally. All with the same person. X

24. What was your favorite TV program? I got pretty hooked on The Walking Dead, and completely fail to understand these extended 'mid season break' things that US tv does. What's with that? We're also watching some silly fluff called Revenge, which is what it says on the box and good non-thinking entertainment.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. I don't really do hate, because that requires you to care enough about said person to muster up the emotion. I do think I've drifted away from some relationships that weren't that good for me, but that's probably a good thing in the long term, even though I feel bad about it now, right?

26. What was the best book/fanfic you read? I didn't read a lot this year. I did read a bunch of fanfic and one I enjoyed in particular was called Tempering Justice, a short piece written about the Anders/Hawke relationship from the point of view of Justice. It was pretty cool.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I don't think I had any this year. That says a lot really. I enjoyed Hedflux at the dance party we went to in Melbourne, and really Will Marshall should get a plug here because even though we didn't 'discover' him as such, his career is going great guns because he is very very good at what he does and that deserves recognition.

28. What did you want and get? Joel, in the same country. A smart phone (for my birthday! squee). All As. To be stronger. A light at the end of the tunnel.

29. What did you want and not get? The fucking email acknowledging my completed degree and telling me how to graduate! Confidence that I can do a good handstand. The opportunity to dance with all my friends in a night time wonderland.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Umm, umm, trying to remember what movies I went to see. There weren't many, and none stand out. Hmm..

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Went to work. It was a Tuesday. The weekend before, I had a quiet gathering with very close friends and it was utterly awesome. I turned 42.

32. Whats one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? For this year to have been last year, and therefore to have already gone through the stuff that happened this year and be ready to get to the fun part? I have come to realise that you don't get to go through the kinds of upheavals of the last few years without some fallout, and this year seems to have been the year for sorting that out and finishing stuff and getting over things, and I feel like it's been a bit of a chore that I just want to be over so I can get on with enjoying myself again. Satisfying in a way, I guess, but the sort of satisfying that comes from having done a thing rather than satisfaction from the thing itself, you know?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? I haven't been thinking much about it. I've found some stuff that works and haven't really had spare headspace to try new things, so it's been a bit boring and repetitive. Yet another thing I want to do differently next year.

34. What kept you sane? TBH I don't think I'm completely sane. I know there was a bit in there that involved skating along the edge of unhealthy obsession, and that was probably a way of avoiding depression. But at the same time, it's a safety valve. So I'm going to say video games. Dragon Age, Mass Effect, and Skyrim to be specific. And the spinoff crafting projects that arose from them.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? None this year, I just haven't been paying a lot of attention and there aren't any celebrities in my navel.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? This one I've been deliberately avoiding. They all stir me. Anything that sits in the injustice frame makes me simultaneously upset and riled, but the thing that really stirs my pot is the human rights injustices that are perpetrated in the name of drug policy. Apparently it's ok to treat drug users as less than human because taking drugs is a choice, therefore they deserve whatever they get. Or something. Makes me want to spit tacks, and I expect that's where I'll point myself eventually, career wise.

37. Who did you miss? rivet. Will. Deeply and abidingly. Luckily, there were lots of cultural exchanges to help with this.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Canadian Sharon. Also, laoke's lady friend. She is awesome.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012: Other people don't necessarily uphold the same ethical standards you do, so don't be surprised when the sacrifices you make for the group count for nothing if the same dilemma comes up again in the future. Also, if something changes so much you don't recognise it any more, let it go and walk away. There's really no point fighting to keep something you don't actually like.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: For the first time I can't think of one.

Huh. That wasn't the happiest one of these I've ever done. I would say 2012 can kiss my arse, but actually I think it's been necessary and there's been some really good stuff in there too. I'm looking forward to being free to pursue my happiness with the work already having been done. This year was the work year, apparently. Can I put my feet up now and be irresponsible please?
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