tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

On the complete lack of bikinis in my life

Further to my post on Friday about the YoT's new work boots, yesterday was the other step in the Shoes For Grownups plan - a pair of dress shoes to a) wear to his school ball and b) wear to job interviews. Men's dress shoes not being my department, Dr Wheel took the role of advisor for this one. We've already got The Suit, which has a pair of dress pants that I suspect are going to get quite some wear.

Now we cross everything and hope he's actually done growing. The feet, they be size 13. The body, it be 6'6" and just over 100kg. Surely that's big enough, right? Anyway, dress shoes being what they are, they are even longer than the boots. They look normal on him, but I could use them to save myself if sea level rise ever gets too drastic. I just need a paddle really.

That there? That's a statement that I see around and about and go "Oh bloody hell don't you think I have more important things to think about?" I mean, even if I were into hanging out on beaches in bikinis, I think I'd get more stares for the ugly bruises on my shins from shearing or my reflective shade of fishbelly whiteness interspersed with sporadic farmer-tan bits than I would for my bikini-ready body, right?

Aside here, when I was a kid I played polocrosse for a while. This involved collisions from the side on horses going at a gallop. Consequently I was always covered in bruises that were visible because of the uniform. One day I was quietly taken aside and asked if everything was ok at home. I found it amusing, but I am kind of glad they noticed and cared enough to ask, you know?

Anyway, the only reference to being bikini ready that exists in my life is when I joke about it with DoomBoy, who is self-aware enough to admit that he's currently working on his fitness so he can look good on the beach this summer. Hey, he's young and single and into that life, so to be helpful I suggested he learn to run in slow motion like in Baywatch.

However, it's true that I have been working on losing my winter wobbly bits. I am hesitant to talk about this in public because I have a body shape that's been described as everything from rugged and rangy to outright skinny. It's not actually true that I'm skinny, it's just that I am rawboned - my collarbones and hipbones stick out, and my bones look close under the surface in places where there aren't any muscles covering them. I also have a broad jaw and hollow cheeks which make my face look thin, and the overall impression is that I'm thinner than I actually am.

So I've been wanting to lose about 5kg. There you go, I said it. And yes, I will snarl at the first person that tells me I don't need to. I decide about my body, got it?

I'm aware that it's unlikely anyone will notice a change - the fact of being rawboned means 5kg here or there is barely noticeable to people who aren't me - but I will notice. Particularly because it's 5kg less that I'm trying to press, and 5kg less my feet have to deal with when I'm shearing. Seriously, my weight plus 60kg of sheep, standing on them all day? Ow afterwards. I actually put Voltaren on them on Saturday to see if it would help. It didn't.

Anyway, the idea of 'going on a diet' freaks me out. The reason it freaks me out is because for a start I spent the first part of my adult life being told what a bitch I am for being so thin, and secondly, nowadays it's all about being healthy at any size, right? And because I'm not by any means overweight, I feel as if I don't have the right to be concerned enough about my size to watch what I eat, that it's somehow frivolous and shallow for someone like me to want to be smaller than I am. Am I buying into sexist stereotypes? I don't honestly know. What I do know is that at 63kg I feel bigger than I want to be, and at 58kg my power to weight ratio, along with the way I look, are exactly where I like them.

So, three weeks ago I started to log my food and activity. I had, and still have, no real clue what I'm doing, but I guess you could call it calorie-counting. I wanted to do it in a healthy, non-ice-cream-binge-inducing way - ie, not starving myself and making sure I got enough nutrition to still be able to shear sheep without running out of petrol.

What I've discovered is that if I'm careful about what I choose to eat, I can easily meet my nutritional needs while reducing the calorie intake to the point where I'll lose about 100g a day. Oddly enough, that seems to be by eating food (non-processed), not too much (not eating all those post-dinner snacks and stopping before I'm stuffed), and mostly plants (seriously, the amount of fruit and vegies I eat now is a sight to behold).

I am particularly enjoying the part where breakfast is now a meal I look forward to because it's yummy, and because of that I don't seem to have that feeling where I want to stuff myself at night because I'm so hungry. I haven't changed my activity levels at all, although shearing is a huge energy-sink and because eating while doing it gives me reflux, on those days I don't really get to eat enough so I often have about a 1000 calorie deficit at the end of the day. I try to eat more the day before and after.

The upshot is that I feel really good, and so far I've lost about 3kgs. This would be slower if it weren't for the shearing, but my body would let me know if I was doing it too hard by not working properly. I feel really good, and I'm not finding it all that hard. It's mostly been about trying to develop healthy eating habits, and I've learned quite a lot about what's in my food in terms of nutrition, and which foods are nutrition-dense (spinach! salmon!) and which are filling (nuts! cheese!), and which aren't really all that much of either (coffee!).

Mostly, I feel as if there's a light at the end of the tunnel, eating-wise. I haven't craved ice cream at all, even in the approach to blood week. I feel fit and healthy and have plenty of energy, and I have a feeling of satisfaction from learning things about my food and changing eating habits without obsessing about it.

For me, this counts as so many wins!

Yesterday I started work on the Magister's Staff With Bonus Creativity that I'm making in collaboration with grist. This meant hand-cutting aluminium because when I turned on my jigsaw it made a funny noise and then smoke came out. I got as far as I could with a hacksaw but what I really need is a coping saw, so I'm off to find one of those tomorrow. And I'll be working on Cold Blooded at the same time, which should hopefully make the whole process more efficient with less downtime while waiting for things to dry.

Meanwhile, we're enjoying having a table surface. Yep.
Tags: bigfoot, i am actually big boned, i can has proper eating habits, wut
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