tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Trying to imagine

As you know I've been making short forays into the world of DA fanfiction. Just reading, not writing. *cue a collective sigh of relief from my flist* I tend to lean towards general fic rather than slash, and I quite like those stories that take an unexplored plot thread from canon and go "What if?"

But despite not actively seeking out slash/romance/whatever you want to call it, the fact remains that most fics I've come across contain at least one relationship, and that generally means at least one sex scene.

It's no secret that I find the character of Anders fascinating, and a lot of the fics I choose to read involve him in some way. [Not all that spoilery ackshully]He's got the dark mysterious past and the life-gaps in canon and question marks over his future. He has lots of interesting personality conflicts and a passionate nature, and then there's the Justice thing as well. So yeah, untold good possibilities for fic-ifying him.

He's also got a reputation as a bit of a promiscuous type who will essentially bed anyone (at least, when you first meet him). So this means that when you read an Anders fic, you're going to get sex sooner or later, pretty much. A lot of fics depict his dark past as including sexual abuse by the templars as well, even though this isn't in canon.

So reading Anders generally means reading at least some sex. Some have more sex than others. I started reading one that was just nothing but sex and I was all "Er... plot what plot?" and gave up because there's only so much heaving bosom and thrusting manhood I can read before I start giggling hysterically, and frankly I am just not that into reading sex. I like story.

But anyway, as I've been reading my way through these sex scenes, I've started to think about all the different things the various authors have had Anders do. I've read him having sex in every position with every possible character. He's participated in bdsm and other kinks, up to and including 24/7. He's had one night stands, multiples and poly relationships. He's done the electricity thing a myriad of different ways. He's been everything from a premature ejaculator to a walking jackhammer that can go again within minutes of orgasm, or go all night. He's rough, he's tender, he’s warm, he’s distant, he yells, he’s completely silent, and he apparently gives great head. He gets erections in the weirdest situations, and the collective gasps of "Oh Anders!" have rung through the halls and hovels of Thedas in every conceivable way.


Basically, Anders is a sex machine whichever way he's written. Even when he's written as a victim or a bottom, his exploits of sexual prowess are legendary and terrifyingly copious and varied.

And now I'm thinking to myself that Anders is at least a fictional character. I'm new to fanfiction but not so wet behind the ears that I'm not aware that real people get this treatment too. I wonder to myself how it feels for those people to know that their 'manly length' and what they do with it is being described in lurid detail all over the internet? Does Jensen Ackles giggle to himself over the feats of flexibility he's credited with? Do the various Doctors ever consider all the various sexual adventures the internet says they are having? If so, I wonder what they make of it. Does it make them feel like someone else's plaything? How does it feel to have one's genitals imagined and shared so thoroughly as you merrily fuck your way through the entire population of your fandom? It must be weird, right?

I also have this bizarre urge to collect a sort of compendium together, of all Anders' fanfic exploits. Not in detail, just piecing together a list of all the things he's supposed to have done and with who, and also all the words that have been used to describe his bits. It shall be called “Oh Anders!” Why? Because I think it'd be funny. I'd laugh anyway..

*looks at you*


In other, non Throbbing Marble Column related news, the first class of handbalancing was last night. I was careful to avoid exercises that might aggravate my shoulder, and today it's okay. Yay! I've lost a bit of fitness for sustained handstands, but I can do it and that makes me happy. Also, I learned to balance upside down on the back of a chair.
Tags: manly length, oh anders, penises penises everywhere!, the ferelden circle was more fun
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