Him: I wish I had a higher constitution.
Me: We could always buff you with spirulina potion.
I also realised this morning that I have never purchased or owned an Apple product. This isn't for any reason of politics, fashion or taking sides in the Great Gadget Debate. I just.. haven't. Does this make me some kind of freak?
So apparently Kiwi women are the most promiscuous in the world. So promiscuous in fact, that we have had on average 20.4 sexual partners (I am not sure what the 0.4 signifies eh) vs the global average of 7.3, and the Kiwi men's average of 16.8.
We are getting a lot of nooky. O.o
However, I find myself wondering who they asked. Because if you asked me when I was 21, the answer would have been different from 31, and different again at 41, you know? I wonder if there's some kind of assumption going on there that people stop having new partners as they get older or something. Or get married and are monogamous for ever after..
Anyway, naturally I started to do a headcount because I can honestly say I've no idea how many sexual partners I've had. I know I'm supposed to notch the bedpost so I can keep track and not let the number get too high to preserve my reputation or something, but I'm gonna just put it out there that this is the 21st Century and victorian sexual norms mean shit to me. I have yet to come across any potential partner who has insisted I be a virgin and nobody has ever asked me for THAT number.
But I'm gonna try to give it to you anyway. So I started my tallying. David, Jason, Marcus.. um.. that guy whose name I can't remember... Steve, Austin, Warren.. you know what? I can't actually remember if I boinked Warren or not, I just remember fuzzy darktime gropings and us declaring undying love for each other...
.. and this is the problem. I can't remember the details of every sexual encounter I've ever had. I would hazard a guess that since Warren and I were fumbling and declaring when I was about 19, by the time I reached 30 my 'tally' had probably made it to the teens .. Oh, Charlie! He was good, I remember him. Um.. and then after I turned 30 there were a few more and by now I'm probably sitting somewhere around the national average.
But the problem with this is that whenever I do this and think I have a number, I suddenly remember "Oh yeah, that guy!" and then I'm not sure I've remembered right, and if I ever told anyone My Number, I couldn't be sure it was accurate. Not through any desire to Hide The Truth Of My Sordid Doings, but because sex is a natural part of adulthood and not something that gets carved indelibly into my memory every time I do it with someone new. It's just not that big a deal.
So now I find myself wondering why people make it a big deal. What is with that?
Disclaimer: None of the people I know make it a big deal, but I am aware that when I was younger some people thought it was important to keep that number low (for women) and exaggerate it (for men). I'm also aware there's still a stigma attached to sexual promiscuity in certain circles. "Like, over 20 partners? You must have low standards!" Actually, I just like sex.
Maybe I'm not supposed to?
In other news, yesterday's experiment of swapping the fruit salad in my lunch for bread, cheese and nuts, then having the fruit for dinner worked really well. Come 6pm I still wasn't hungry! Win! This morning I added a helping of yoghurt to my breakfast.
Check me out being all healthy and shit.
Meanwhile, the YoT's school sent home a notice saying they've had a case of rheumatic fever*. For those who aren't aware, rheumatic fever is a disease of poverty*, exacerbated by living in damp, cold, overcrowded conditions, and its incidence has doubled in New Zealand since 2005. How's that brighter future coming on, John?
* My Dad had this as a kid, living in northern England in the Great Depression in a 300 year old stone house with 11 other people and sharing a bed with his siblings. It was why he didn't get drafted for World War 2 - at 18 he was still too sick to be considered fit enough. This should not be happening in New Zealand.