tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Moar navel gazing and some circus tricks

In case you were wondering, here is an example of the kind of judgement that gets piled on a mother who chooses not to be the caregiver for her child.

Why yes, I found that triggering, why do you ask? Witness my calm coherency. I don't know if it'll last but so far the ragebeast is being contained.

It doesn't matter how much people like those people up there judge, they will never be able to judge as harshly as the mother is likely judging herself.

And I can't help but wonder why women are so quick to jump to conclusions about other women when this happens. Is it an "I would never do that" thing? Or is it based in some kind of fear that in some situations, they would? Or is it just that they are so tied into this idea that mothers should sacrifice themselves for their children at all costs that they can't conceive of a situation where someone might rationally decide not to? Why is a mother leaving her child such a terrible act when, let's face it, fathers leave their children all the time? And as I said up there, if the roles in this situation were reversed, who would be getting judged - the father, or the stepmother who forced the father to choose between her and his child?

Anyway, fuck that for a game of soldiers. I know I won't change anyone's opinion by speaking up (dreadbeard take note) but Hi, I'm Tats, you've met me right? I can't keep quiet when I think something needs saying. ;-/

I've no doubt some of you are wondering why I read a community called cf_abby_tribute when I could be filling my head with worthy pursuits like trying to change the world. Sometimes I do too, but like it or not there are some really funny people in that community and most of the time reading it cracks me the hell up. Not so much this time.

Speaking of trying to change the world - I spend a lot of my time surrounded by people who are working at the forefront of some pretty amazing fields, especially in the area of new uses of technology. Lately there's been a general move towards a kind of amalgamation of technology with social issues, with people working on innovative ways of combining these things for the good of the world. Which is awesome. I am not a tech geek, and to be honest I have zero interest in becoming one. I will learn what I have to to be able to do what I want to do, but I will never be a major contributor to groups developing this stuff. Sometimes that makes me feel inadequate. Then I remember what I AM doing. Just because I'm the only one in my social group that's working on this particular problem doesn't mean it's a lesser pursuit - it just means it's not one that most of the people I'm attracted to have chosed to spend their free time on. It is worthy, I am contributing to making the world a better place, and just because I haven't created an AI prime minister using Fortran doesn't mean that my work is less valuable.

Sometimes I need to remind myself of that, because it gets a bit lonely without peers. I guess I feel like a sheep among the goats or something - the goats are all happy doing goaty things that I don't understand or care about, but I like them and want to hang out with them because they are good people, not because of what they do. I would like a fellow drug policy geek in my social circle though. I guess I'm the best person to go out and find one of those..

Fuck. Networking. Crap.

PS rivet, I miss you.

Last night I learned how to stand on someone's hands while they benchpress me. This looks and feels as weird as it sounds, and was dead entertaining. And possibly harder than it needed to be because our tutor brought muffins to the last tutorial and I ate about a kilo of them. Also, there's talk about putting together a routine for a show in a few months. I don't know if I'll be part of that because I'm the learner among this group, but in a few months surely I'll be better?

Also, I am still astounded at the obliging nature of people who base adagio. Seriously, this guy is quite happy for me to climb all over him, knee him in the back of the head, dig my toes into his tender bits and generally be heavy and pointy while he has to heave me about the place, and he never stops smiling. It seems to go with the territory. I think I'm learning something about body boundaries too - he didn't even bat an eyelid when I accidentally grabbed his package, and I'm fine with being touched in places that even friends wouldn't get away with under other circumstances. It's just.. different. Hmm..
Tags: more bloody introspection, muffins!, there will be a photo post soon i promis
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