Hi, I'm the bottom of Tats' navel, where some guilt still lurks - Tactical Ninja

This was the article that first started jolting me out of that horrendously smug judgemental frame of mind:

http://issendai.livejournal.com/572510.html

It generalises a lot but it just seemed to make *sense*.

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"After a while the stress and panic feel normal, so when you're not riding the edge, you feel twitchy because you know that the lull doesn't mean things are better, it means you're not aware yet of what's going wrong. And the system or the partner always, always obliges with a new crisis."

Y'know, I've never quite managed to convince myself that the lull is an ok thing to enjoy and not the silent approach of impending doom. ;-/

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I was on the periphery of a job that was slowly in the process of turning into a sick system and it's amazing just how quickly it warps your thought processes.

It really is almost addictive

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It's addictive in the same way tower defence games are addictive.

"This time I'll last a bit longer before being overwhelmed."

"Maybe this other strategy I haven't tried yet will be effective."

etc

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It's the intermittent success that really did it for me, "oh this one time it worked so it will work again...right?".

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