As usual, the comments are vomit-worthy. I restrained myself (barely) from starting something with the commentor who insisted on referring to girls and women as 'females'. That annoys the fuck out of me just saying. Don't do it. *snrl*
We have the "All girls go for douchebags" trope, we have the "But I am kind without expecting sex and they still won't shag me" trope, and we have the "If the coins were actual money, then you'd get somewhere" trope. *yawn*
I particularly liked the tl;dr that can be translated as "I am still butthurt about that time that girl I liked didn't like me in that way", in which he compares relationships with jobs and wonders why he is always passed over for 'promotion' in favour of flashier types who obviously can't do 'the job' as well as he could, if only he was given a chance. This actually turns into a discussion of various companies' hiring procedures, as if that's somehow relevant to how people choose their intimate relationships. And these people wonder why they aren't attractive.. hmm..
One of the comments goes like this:
"No guy wants to genuinely be your friend without having a relationship or sex in mind. It just doesn’t happen."
Um, thanks dude. It's always good to know that 50% of the population doesn't think of me as friendworthy, simply as a potential root. No wait, that's not actually true. YOU don't think of me as anything but a potential root, merely because I have a vagina. Thanks for the warning.
Then there's this one:
"Generally, a friendzone occurs because a woman feigns interest in order to have a guy do something for her. He develops an attraction, and she, having learned to appreciate this guy over time\abuse (through using them), does not respect him due to the door mat personality."
Feigns interest. FEIGNS INTEREST. I do not understand this phrase. I am interested in all my friends, otherwise we wouldn't be friends. This interest is not feigned, it's real. It's not, however, sexual attraction. So I'm assuming that when he says 'feigns interest' he actually means 'feigns sexual attraction'. OK ladies and gents, exactly how many of you have ever pretended you fancy someone to get them to help you move your couch?
Yeah, thought so. So I'm guessing this particular guy is one of those who assumes that when someone shows any kind of interest at all in them, it means they want sex. But only if the person has a vagina, because vaginas = sex, right? So anything anyone with a vagina does is about sex. "Hey, how's it going?" Actually means "Hey *wiggles eyebrows*, how's IT *nudgenudge* going? *wink*" if it comes from a woman (imagine the Benny Hill music playing in the background if you will). And when she says "Hey wanna play Team Fortress for a while?" it actually means "Please come into my bedroom. Bedrooms are where sex happens, ergo I am contemplating sex with you."
If you think people are only about sex, then everything they say and do is about sex. Then if they don't have sex with YOU, they must have been 'feigning interest' because they want you to do something for them. Not, you know, being friendly because they like you. It's apparently impossible for a woman to just like someone, and when she does, it's because she's being duplicitous. Why else would she act so out of character?
I'm surprised this guy even made it to the friendzone to be honest - I'd have him firmly in the fuckoffyoucreepyarseholezone myself.
But back to 'no guy wants to be your friend' dude. He goes on with further pearls of wisdom:
"And for anybody who says they have a genuine friendship w/ the opposite sex and never thought about being in a relationship with them I say this: Even if you didn’t, at some point they did. You’re friends because at some point there was an attraction on one side or the other, or even both. Maybe now you’ve gotten past that attraction and become friends, but it was there at some point."
Ignoring the hetero/gender normativity here, this is something that has occasionally crossed my mind. When people spend a lot of time together, relationships deepen and that's when attractions tend to happen. I've developed attractions for both men and women that I reallyreallylikealot - mostly when I was in my 20s. These days I'm more capable of discerning the difference between the feelings of deep liking and sexual attraction - and when I run through a mental inventory of my friends of all genders, the full spectrum from 'hit it off' to 'deep liking' to 'love' to 'sexually attracted' is covered. I am not sexually attracted to everyone I deeply like, or even to everyone I love. And the group that I'm sexually attracted to isn't confined to those I love - it covers all the spectrum. Those I both love and am sexually attracted to (and thus could consider forming a relationship with) is a very small group indeed - therefore in the worldview of these people, the vast majority of my friendships are actually impossible.
After that foray deep into my navel (I cleaned it, you're safe), I have come to the conclusion that 'no guy wants to be your friend' dude is an immature version of 'all women are about is sex' creepydude, and has yet to work out his own feelings and thus thinks like = sexual attraction.
After reading all this, I'm totally unsurprised that the concept of 'friendzone' exists in the minds of these people. It's just another construct to allow them to frame their experiences with being attracted to people who aren't that into them. I'm not sure what it achieves to be honest - I think Anonymous says it best:
"If it’s obvious that you fancy someone, then isn’t it just as obvious that that someone doesn’t feel the same way? And what do you propose the guy/girl should do? “Listen, we need to talk. I know you’re in love with me but I don’t feel the same way so for your sake I’m ending this friendship”.
Actually, I do propose that. Either the fancier or the fanci-ee should bloody well put on their grownup panties and talk about it. It'd save most of the nasty bullshit that surrounds the idea of friendzoning.
Yes, I know it's Failblog, that bastion of mature discussion that is second only to YouTube comments. However, those are real people at the typing end of them, and those real people make up the zeitgeist we all live in. I don't like living in a zeitgeist in which the friendzone exists because I'm only about sex. So there.
In other news, yesterday's genetic revelation is that I'm approximately 2.7% neanderthal. As is everyone outside of Africa - well actually it's between 1 and 4%. I am the 2.7% Yeeahh!