tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Gosh, why do I care so much?

I knew I was pushing my luck when I looked at those photos. ;-/

Separation angst follows a pattern, see, and since I'm such a regular journaller I have evidence that demonstrates that the one month point after spending time together is angsty. Sadly it's a bit like PMS in that it sneaks up on you - it starts by going "Hey wouldn't it be fun to look at photos" to lure you in, then whacks you from behind with the realisation of how long it has been since, and how long it'll be until.

On the upside, I nearly have enough money saved for the next lot of plane tickets, it looks like it'll be late August after pombagira gets back from being a hippy in Canada. Also on the upside, I know this is temporary and that *swelling music* Love Conquers All *screech* Uh, well, actually I mean yes I will get over this and hey we'll still love each other. And yet another upside is that we never seem to be moopy about the distance at the same time, so there's a bit of mutual support going on.

Meanwhile, I'll be looking for a lap to crawl into.

It's no secret that I like Supernatural. As it turns out, so do a bunch of other people. But if you remove the slashers it reduces the number somewhat, eh? And I've never really been into slash. In fact I think Wincest is kind of rude - and not in the "Ew brothers doing it" kind of way, but in taking advantage of the chemistry between the actors and the scripting of the relationship to take it to its basest level.

Remember when I wrote this? It's a thing about the way in which the *nudge nudge wink wink* slashing of every male relationship in the media plays into the stereotype of men as gagging for sex constantly, and disallows the development of non-sexual relationships between men. Which is kind of backwards if you ask me. Men are allowed to be non-sexual beings and have emotions and shit - they are even allowed to like each other, and this doesn't always mean that like=desire to bonk. In fact more often than not it probably doesn't, and I think that seeking out slashy subtext in the Winchester relationship, while amusing, is doing men in general a disservice.

Anyway, one of the reasons I like Supernatural is that it does depict a relationship between men that has emotions and stuff, and develops, and is complex. Which you almost never see. You know I'm a proponent of the Bechdel Test to demonstrate the lack of women's stories in the media. Well how about we have the Wincest Test to demonstrate the lack of non-sexual male relationship development in the media?

There have to be two men.
They have to talk to each other.
About the relationship that exists between them.
Without it being deflected into toilet humour or 'mantalk'.

Anyway, Season 2 is one of my favourite seasons for this reason - it's the one in which the relationship between the brothers really starts to grow. And the show Heart (ep 17) is one of the best. Brief rundown - WEREWOLVES! Because we're all about the freak of the week. But kind of werewolves with a twist. Y'see the boys are hunting this werewolf and while Dean checks out the creepy stalker ex of the main female protagonist, Sam hangs out with her to *cough* protect her. Anyway, Sam and Madison hit it off and you can tell they're going a bit gaga for each other, when ON NOES DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING NO it turns out Madison is the werewolf, and she's completely unaware of it, believing she's innocent. The boys then try an 'experimental cure' by finding the wolf that bit her and killing it, which some believe will end her wolfing out. Turns out it doesn't, but not before they think it has and Sam and Madison have their Night O Passion.

So Madison, being a good sort, doesn't want to be an unaware killing machine, and decides the best thing is for her to be put down. She wants Sam to do it. After some angsting and an offer from Dean to do it for him, he does. The End.

So what's the big deal about this episode? Sounds pretty forumulaic right? But apparently in fandom it's controversial. Yep, such a thing as episode controversy exists! Who knew? So some people think this episode is a vehicle for Sam to get his gear off and show off his manscaping, and also Oh Look More Emo Sam With The Puppy Eyes N Shit. I think different and here's why.

Backstory: This is nearing the end of season 2. The season started with the boys' father sacrificing his life and soul to a demon in exchange for Dean's life (dean having been in a coma after the car accident cliffhanger than ended season 1). Just before dying, the father whispered something to Dean but we didn't know what it was. Dean is obviously torn up about it though. Meanwhile, Sam starts having visions and the boys start running across other people with similar 'talents', and believe it's tied to the demon's stated plan which has something to do with Sam. After an encounter with a zombie in which Dean is all "What's dead should stay dead", Dean reveals that the father's whispered message was that he has to look after Sam, to 'try to save him', and if he can't save him he might have to kill him.

So it seems Sam might go darkside and Dean might have to kill him. Another episode or two down the track Sam does indeed get ridden by a demon and in his lucid moments begs Dean to kill him. Instead, Dean exorcises the demon and saves Sam. 2 episodes later, Sam gets drunk and makes Dean promise that he will kill him if things go bad. Dean hopes that Sam will forget this promise in the morning but he doesn't.

At the same time, they are encountering situations that demonstrate that Dean's happy black and white world isn't quite so simple as he thought - vampires that drink only cow blood and don't hurt humans, that sort of thing. Suddenly bad isn't always bad and good isn't always good, and moral choices are not easy.

So when we get to this episode, we have the obvious parallel of Madison being the same as Sam - an evil thing she can't control is inside her, there is no saving her even though she's a good person, and she must die. So when we get to the final scene of Sam and Dean outside the room, we know they both see the parallel. Sam is all crying and shit, he doesn't want to kill her and he doesn't want to give up because giving up on her means acknowledging that one day Dean might have to give up on him. Meanwhile Dean knows that this is one more thing he couldn't save Sam from, and that one day he might be in the position that Sam is. And when Sam turns back from the door with the whole little boy puppy eyes thing happening, shows just how much he's hurting, then goes in, a single tear goes down Dean's face. Dean who never cries. And there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

The thing is, no matter how good Sam is, no matter how much he doesn't want to do it, no matter how falling-apart he is, he still does it because it has to be done. And Dean, who is usually the strong one, who offers to do it instead, knows that he can't do the same thing to Sam. He's in an impossible bind - it's Dean who may have to kill Sam, yet Sam is the one who's strong enough, and Dean is not, and he knows it. And the last 3 minutes of this episode is where all that stuff becomes clear.

Here's the scene:

I'm aware that some people will look at that and just go 'meh' . Yeah, it's a show about hot men doing supernatural stuff in a cool car and every second line seems designed to offend somebody. But there's more to it than that, and that's why I keep watching.

Also, hot boys.

Gosh, I don't think I've ever done that before.

PS I deactivated my Facebook. I don't want or need it and I can't be arsed keeping up with it.
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