tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Juxtaposition fail

The final snot test came back negative, as we all knew it would. The vet now wants to have another consultation with First. She's still calling it sinusitis and says the fact that the discharge has slowed down demonstrates that the antibiotics may have had an effect, therefore it might be worth adding anti-inflammatories to the antibiotics to see if that makes it go away. She's talking about a three week time frame to test this and see if it works.

The thing is, First seems to be getting worse. She's now got a slight discharge from one eye (the same side as the nose) and is holding her head slightly on one side. She's still eating fine whereas everything I've read about sinusitis says it will put a dog off its food. And her breathing is getting more laboured. I'm willing to give the anti-inflammatories a go because reducing swelling inside her nose will help with the breathing and the breathing is the biggest quality-of-life issue. I don't know if she's acting more tired because she's sick or because breathing is hard. Her first course of antibiotics finished last week.

Anyway, she has an appointment for this evening at which I'll have the difficult conversation with the vet. Yes, I'm prepared to try this but we need to set a time limit and it's ok to talk about the possibilities for it to not be fixable. Bleh.

Someone mentioned nocturnal emissions in my post yesterday, and it reminded me of something. I had one the other night.

Yes, women have them. At least, I do. I can't speak for other women but I'm hell curious about it because it's not something people tend to talk about and therefore I have no idea. Men's ones are well-documented because they produce.. evidence. But there seems to be a tacit assumption that women just don't.

Yesterday I was surprised to discover how many women had also spent some part of their teenage years wanting to be a man. Again, I'm not that unusual but again, folks don't talk about it so I didn't know.

I realise that this is a more taboo subject but fuckit, I think sexuality should be talked about more openly and walking my talk is the only way I can think of to change anything, so here goes. If you have an issue with this, stop reading now.

As you all know I'm currently living away from my partner. Like most folks I deal with the lack of sex associated with this separation by wanking. I'm a reasonably regular wanker and I use it as a barometer for my emotional state - if I'm not wanking regularly, I'm not well. Lately I haven't been wanking. There's been every intention but I've been falling asleep instead, unable to muster the enthusiasm, so to speak. Consequently, I hadn't had an orgasm for about three weeks.

*cue gasps of horror here*

I know I know, first world problems etc. Thing is, when I'm in the mental state where I'm not wanking, I don't miss them. It's not that big a deal. At least, consciously it isn't. My subconscious seems to have other ideas. So the other night, in the middle of a completely innocuous dream about driving my car around an Asian country market, I had an orgasm. This isn't the first time this has happened - usually (I think) I remember them* and usually they aren't even sex dreams as such. Although sometimes they are, more often there's a random associated reason that has nothing to do with sex. I'm not sure I'm quite brazen enough to describe the circumstances because they are often dream-bizarre, but they're mostly not sex and when they are sex it's usually with someone completely inappropriate.


This has happened enough for me to think that it's a natural feature of my biology - my body needs to have an orgasm every now and then and if I don't sort it, nature takes over and floods my brain with orgasm-goodness-hormones. I'm curious if this happens to other women too - partly because it seems natural and normal, and partly because it'd go a long way to refute that bullshit myth about women and sex/orgasms not being a drive for us.

And you know? The day after that happened was the day my head started to feel better. So even if I am a unicorn (which I doubt), I am currently thinking a) nature is awesome, b) folks should wank more for their mental health, and c) maybe I should spend some time trying to direct my dreams into ones I don't wake up from and cringe on the realisation that I had a nocturnal emission over it. O.o

* Which raises a question for the men. You guys tend to have evidence when you've done this whereas teh laydeez don't. So you'd know you had one whether you remembered it or not. My question is, does this happen at times and you don't remember it, only knowing it's happened through evidence? Because this would imply it probably happens more often for me too.

Lalala, oversharing since 1970!

Um, so now everyone's looking everywhere but at me and shuffling their feet embarrassedly, I'm gonna just leave you with this:

Bunny is giving you all the side-eye!
Tags: brain bleach this way, first, mah dawg, oversharing
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