tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Dr Crankypants, at your service

So as of next Sunday, the heady days of having one day a week when I can go into town, park my car for free and spend as long as I like without worrying about it, are over. The council has 'made parking easier' by, um, making parking harder. They say that it'll make it easier to find a park because everyone will have to bugger off after 2 hours, leaving more spaces free. I say that Sunday has been about the only day of the week that I've never had trouble finding a park, and that this sounds like an excuse for more revenue generating to me.

Please, spare me the arguments for why I should take the train/walk/cycle/fly in on the backs of vegan organic virgin angels, thanks. I know them already. I'm still pissed off about this. Less so now that I don't come in on a Saturday evening, stay overnight and want to actually sleep in and have brunch with Dr Wheel, but still pissed off enough to do some impotent fist-waving in my blog.

The job search is not going well. I have registered with several job search sites, and I am getting jobs in Hong Kong mailed to me daily. I originally thought that maybe I had my search terms wrong, and I'm still thinking I should probably update them, but I am also getting every listed Hong Kong job sent to me through one site and it's all sales managers and logistics engineers and human resources managers and fucking managers managers managers.

You may or may not know, I am not a manager nor do I have any desire to be one. But it appears that that's what's in demand in Hong Kong at the moment. I am willing to acknowledge that the one site that allowed me to look at all jobs may be manager-oriented or something, and so I'm asking those of you who are familiar with my job and more versed in corporate wankspeak, what sort of tags I could use to get a broader and more Tats-oriented coverage for these sites.

Cos, you know, the whole thing's a bit disheartening. Joel has been gone for four months, that's a third of a year. By the time I see him again it'll be 6 months - that's a quarter of the way there. I'm aware that getting a job, a visa, my shit together and getting over there will take at least a couple of months, probably more like three. And suddenly that's almost half of the time he'll be away, gone. Telling potential employers you only want to work for them for a year is an interview-killer, and being dishonest about my intentions is a Tats-killer.

Meanwhile, I plug away at my degree (another A+ for Te Iwi Me Ana Tikanga btw), knowing that if I stay here I will be finished at about the same time Joel finishes his contract in Hong Kong. I have a house to sell which, if anyone ever buys it, would provide me with a financial buffer such that I could visit more or less whenever I wanted. I know that finishing my degree would make me employable in more countries, and I'm developing a reputation such that I could probably take some academic recommendations with me.

The long term goal is to go and have adventures. This is not negotiable - I spent my 20s trying to do what I thought I was supposed to do, and failing at it. Thus, I missed out on the adventures that most people have then. Now, I want them. The negotiable bit is the timeframe. Mostly because it has to be. And right now it seems that things are conspiring to make me wait. Which is fine, I've waited this long, right? And my life is going well, I have no need to force the issue.

But then I go to a party like the one I was at this weekend where it's mostly couples. Or I go to a festival like the one I was at last weekend, where three giant sound systems are playing three different kinds of music, the wind is blowing in my hair and I'm lying on a beanbag enjoying the vibe with my friends. Or someone plays New Order's Krafty. And suddenly I'm aware of the gaping Joel-shaped hole in my life, and it messes me up for a couple of days.

Which is about where I am now. I know that this will work itself out, I know that I'm doing what I can to exacerbate the process, and I know that the tension between desire and the inability to fulfil that desire is in itself a hedonistic experience to be savoured, and also self-affirming and character-building. But sometimes waiting just sucks. ;-/

Ah, f'it. Have a cute picture:

Oh, it's Nerdnite tonight, 6pm at Bodega. I am speaking. You should come. I don't mind if you fall asleep but it'd be nice to talk to more than three people.
Tags: bleating, nerdnite, weakness, whining
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