(heard muffled through huge black hard balls of stuff)
Turns out I have planets of wax in my ears. On the left they can see about a millimetre of eardrum and on the right they can't see it at all. My eardrums have been eclipsed. The nurse attempted syringing them but it seems they've made themselves at home and don't want to be budged.
The cure for this is, apparently, cooking oil. I don't know how it works but apparently this will reduce my planets to mere moons - moons made of water-soluble cheese, no less. I have to put a teaspoon of oil in each ear and leave it there for 10 minutes a day for the next three days, and then they'll have another go at getting the stuff out.
After which I expect to be able to hear pins drop. Actually, I can hear pins drop now, as evidenced by my experience of dropping pins regularly. What I can't hear is lower mid-range noises, which is the range that most people's speaking voice falls in. I probably can't hear weird noises coming from my car either, but that's ok because I'm not expecting there to be any because it's SHINY! And NEW(ish)!
See what I did there?
Meanwhile, for the next few days, Mike Myers will be in my head screaming "It's a virtual planetoid!" and my hair will look like someone's been cooking chips in it. I know, I'm so hot right now and you wish you were me.
And that's probably more than you ever wanted to know about my bodily excretions. *cough*
I have a squidgy tyre. It's not flat but it's working on it, so guess what I'll be doing at lunchtime? Yep, I'll be working out the new car's wheel-changing system. I guess during the day, on concrete in a parking building, with the tyre repair shop just around the corner, is much better than at night on the side of some metal road somewhere.
I just realised that Adam Freeland is next week, and started getting excited. Also, I'm going to be irresponsible this weekend, and it will be good. I am loving this freedom from responsibility, but I also miss The Kid. Who else puts their chin on top of my head on a regular basis?
Finally - the etiquette of not asking DJs to take requests. I think it's rude to ask a psytrance DJ to play hip hop in the middle of their set - it demonstrates a) a lack of understanding of dance music and dance culture, and b) a perception that the DJ is just a jukebox, which negates the effort they've put into creating a performance for you.
Other people think differently, as evidenced by the way most DJs have a 'ridiculous request' story to tell. Some people get quite shitty when the DJ refuses a request. Is it wanky for DJs to expect to be treated as performers (think - any other musician who plays sets of other people's music for your enjoyment)?