tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

I finally made it hurt enough

So yesterday at lunchtime I went and got yelled at some more, this time by a part-Tahitian (or at least she claimed to be) lady named Caroline. She had a similar upbeat and workmanlike attitude to many of the ladies that led woolhandling teams Back In The Day when I was doing that for a living. She also had a manner of speaking that tells me she did not always live in Wellington city and teach fitness classes*. She seemed to be having a good time - she wasn't quite as identifiable-with as the guy on Saturday (that could be just me - see below), but I found myself working harder. Partly because I was a bit more onto it and copied someone who is about the same size as me and looked fairly fit, so I was adding extra weight. Even with 10kg my back didn't feel it at all. Next time I'll try 15.

(my arms? another story. seriously, how do other people get pushing muscles? does anyone want to come and lift my coffee for me?)

Anyway, I've decided to bite the bullet and pay for a membership. I like that I can go do this thing whenever I want to let off steam (seems every couple of days at the moment), and that there are a variety of options for different kinds of letting off of steam without me having to commit to turning up regularly at a set time. One thing, though. I like the endorphin rush, it makes me feel good, and I also like pain. But, my mind goes all doughy after these sessions and I have trouble getting back into focus for work or study. This could be problematic - I've always struggled to know what to do with my lunchtimes and so was thinking that'd be a good time for a lot of these activities - but if I get back to work and can't function, someone might notice. Hmm..

So there you have it. O.o

Meanwhile, please be sending your love to Polly, who's in hospital today getting (hopefully) fixed up so she won't be experiencing crippling pain every month. It's about bloody time, and I hope everything goes well. After she comes home she'll be making our house smell nice while stocking up her Etsy shop, Urban Witchery, ready for opening end of June.

All this deliberate effort to be good to myself seems to be paying off. My sex drive is back. Yes, you needed to know that, it's a big deal. Try living without yours for a while and you'll understand. It turns you into a different person. And getting mine back means my head is on the mend. This is worthy of celebration. Luckily, there's Speed of Sound on Friday which is just the thing. Last night I figured out how to put Squiddy in my hair and make it stay. Now I just need the rest of my costume..

* There's an accent you pick up living and working in certain parts of New Zealand - it's not Lynn of Tawa, it's not Billy T but it isn't Hoity Toity Politician either. Anyone who's worked in a shearing gang or a freezing works, or hung out much in Porirua, will recognise it. The combination of the accent and her brown skin had an interesting effect on me - often in the shearing gangs I was the only white woman there, and the leader was usually Maori. I had tremendous respect for these women - they commanded it and I wanted to do well for them - and I found myself in a similar headspace with Caroline.
Tags: i like pain, mental health, tmi
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.