tatjna (tatjna) wrote,
tatjna
tatjna

On the demonic properties of technology - a treatise

Our wireless router is possessed. No really, it is. And at the moment I think it's gone into its secret cave to concoct demonic rituals for the destruction of mankind.

It started with the usual "Oh look, no internet!" problem. Turn off, turn on, lalala, this usually does the trick. But no, still no internet. Ping the router. Hmm, no router. BUT LOOK, IT'S RIGHT THERE! I can see it! It has flashy lights, blinking innocuously at me!


All the flashy lights say "Systems are go." But systems are definitely not go. OK, go have a look in the Network Places folder. Hey look, we have no network places! Go and unplug the entire system from the wall, leave for 5 mins, restart. Nothing.

Ask advice.

"ipconfig", you say? OK. Gosh, that's a weird IP address. Looks like a made-up one (I'm pretty sure it's actually code for "Loki is Lord" but anyway). And it's still claiming it doesn't exist. Nope, nothing to see here, move along.

How about a forced reset of the router? That'll foil it, surely! OK, find the little hole, push the button, wait... what? No reset, the flashy lights do not even flicker. Clearly this router has a magical forcefield around it that prevents you from interfering with its heinous machinations.

At this point it was decided that things were probably beyond the capablity of one not-so-geeky userchick with a cellphone in one hand, laptop in the other, pointy stick in the other, and pulling out plugs with her toes.

The last thing to do was virus scan all computers in the house, just to rule that out as an unlikely but possible cause. And that's where things get a bit weird.

All computers in the house came up clean, except my desktop. Inside that, a threat was found, apparently a trojan. Nothing particularly weird about that (except for the bit where, you know, I actually use virus protection software and have for as long as I can remember). But this particular trojan was attached to a zipped game file that had been given to me by a friend in 2004. I had opened this file, played the game, found it not to be to my taste, and never bothered with it again. Nothing noticeably attributable to a trojan happened with my machine, and my virus software remained mute. It just kind of sat there on my machine, glowering malevolently and nursing its evil baby - and none of the multitudes of scans, updates, new versions of AVG ever picked it up, until now.

Anyway, I performed the appropriate Deletion incantations while facing WNW and waving my arms in the required manner. And now I'm scanning the system again to make sure it's gone like a gone thing.

However. I have serious doubts if that little nasty has anything to do with the Lack Of Router we're experiencing. Getting rid of it may make my pooter perform better (shut up, I'm clutching at straws here), but it hasn't brought the router out of its coma.

And yes, you lot who are thinking "Hey, this has happened before!" - it sort of has, and I have a marked LJ entry with instructions on what to do in such situations - which is only of use if you can access the internet. I printed it out once, but it seems that I stashed it somewhere particularly safe - and as far as I can remember, those instructions relied on being able to see the wireless with more than just my eyes.

So since we're talking about various forms of supernatural powers, I see a new router in our future. Nyah.


The moral of this story is.. um.. I don't really know what the moral is. Except that I feel vaguely guilty every time I ask anyone close to me for tech support advice on how to fix things myself. Gear failure is one of the most frustrating things ever, but for me it's superseded by the sense of powerlessness in not having the knowledge and skills to fix it (this may be the reason for my polymathiness - it's not a gift it's a stubborn determination to be self-reliant). And asking for help, for me = using people. I'm aware this is a warped view of how things work, but there you go. Mah failing, let me show you it.

Anyway, wafflewafflewaffle. We went to firespinning last night for the first time in ages. It was fun and I'm pleasantly achey. And you should see pombagira with her fans. Pretty!
Tags: gear failure, the internet is for.. nothing, wireless demons of the singularity
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