tatjna (tatjna) wrote,


Last night there was girly gathering in the park, with extra added salty fatty carbohydrates and nutritious conversation. Normally when fuvenusrs, rivet and I gather, we're forced to stay a couple of arms' lengths apart due to having hoops rotating around our middles. It was nice to just sit and talk in physical proximity like normal people. I learned about the toes of ballet dancers, and how I probably wouldn't want to meet them in a dark alley while walking home.

And then, as I was walking home, my cellphone rang. It was a client wanting advice about castrating lambs. The conversation lasted my entire walk up the hill (6 minutes) and it wasn't till the end of it that I realised I'd been doing that farmer Shout Into The Phone thing. So now all my neighbours know that if you want to castrate a lamb that's reached sexual maturity, it's really a job for the vet, but if they're younger I'm happy to help. O.o

I've also been entertaining visions of buying the house I live in. It's probably miles out of my price range (never mind not actually being for sale), but it has a lot of properties I like:

1) Warm and sunny
2) Compact but not cramped (large rooms, well arranged, no wasted space).
3) Easy maintenance
4) Small but pretty garden
5) Private but not inaccessible
6) Off street parking
7) Loads of storage

La la la, dreams are free, right? However, unrealistic as buying this house may seem, it's given me a fair idea of what I'd want in a place that I own. What I don't like is the carpet. It looks lovely for 5 minutes after it's vacuumed, but it shows every speck of not-carpetness. *squiggly mouth and hrrmphing*

Updatey: For the last week I've been having trouble waking up in the mornings, in that "OhnoesthealarmwannasleepMOOOORE" kind of way. This is good news. Sleeping until my alarm goes off is a sign that things are well with my world. My appetite's come back as well. So I think I've managed to stave off the looming clouds of ick this time. Go me *high fives self and everyone else* - this doesn't mean I'll stop with the being careful just yet, but hey, progress!

Which is good, because Crazy Season has arrived. I have Stuff on every weekend between now and Christmas. If it's not previously committed Stuff, it's shearing. I have booked myself Sunday off, on which I'm going to see a movie and do SFA else, because it may be the last day I get to just blob around for quite a long time.

Also, Christmas shopping. I have to actually do this, right? Damn.

Ah, f'it, have some otters:

From Dailysquee

Don't be fooled by Teh Cute - otters are savage little buggers when they want to be. When I was a kid, Dad had two at the Marineland where he was head trainer. One of them bit my brother (we used to be allowed to feed them) for giving the fish to the other otter first. It was a nasty bite. Leopard seals are also kind of dangerous (we weren't allowed to feed them). Dolphins are safer, except for the drowning factor. *ahem*

There's a thing that's been floating around the back of my mind - a thing I feel guilty about. And in the interest of openness, here it is.

I know a lot of people and I do a lot of stuff. in Doing that Lot of Stuff is the way I got to know a lot of people. Thing is, I don't seem to find time to get to know many people very well. I have maybe four people who are Extremely Close, then maybe about 10 who are Quite Close, and so on and so forth. Because of my trust issues, those people who are Extremely Close are also Extremely Important to me, to the point where I'll bend over backwards to spend time with them. The weird thing is, those people also know this, and therefore aren't offended when my life is such that there is no time no matter how much bending I do.

Hmm, I'm not being very articulate. Let's try again. My family moved around a lot as a kid. I got used to leaving people behind, and to making the most of now and also to having no expectations around friendship. Nope, that's not going anywhere either.

OK, blurt time. If I don't run into people while pursuing the natural course of my life, chances are I'll never get to know them well, because we won't spend much time together or make any history. This is seen as a fault by some people. I don't know the etiquette here. Am I supposed to arrange time together with people I don't know well in order to get to know them better, and if I don't am I doing something wrong? Could it be taken as a deliberate slight if I'm not forthcoming with the invitations and the special arrangements, if I just take a 'see you when I see you' attitude in which it's great to see people in the moment but I'm not setting up artificial situations to spend time with them?

I dunno. I think that if you have sufficient shared interests to be a basis for friendship, you'll see each other naturally and make plans naturally too - at least that's what has happened with the people who are Extremely Close. Does social etiquette require some extra effort for people that you like but have not-so-much in common with, and if you don't make the effort (for whatever reason) does that make you a snob?

Thing is, if I make that effort with everyone I like, or who has indicated they want to know me better, I'll have to give up all the things I do in which I see people naturally, just to have time.

I'm confused. It feels artificial to do this, yet I feel bad about the number of people I don't go out of my way to see.

*blargh* That, up there? Brought to you by accusations of snobbery from someone I was unaware wanted to know me better, and probably also by overthinking.

PS to me, Fidels is an opportunity to see people who I don't normally just run into as I go about my business, who I like and want to spend time with but don't have common interests with enough to hang out in my default life. It's socialising for the extremely busy, and I value that. But apparently that's not enough?

Last night I dreamed about Happy. Dude, I'm glad you're not like that in real life. ;-/
Tags: buy me a cottage and a pony, hey look it's friday, social qs i don't has them
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