I'm pretty sure my phone doesn't like me very much. As evidenced by the way it uses '28' in predictive text every time I type 'at', and instead of 'for' it says 'Ems'. And for 'go', we have 'in'. So last night, one of my clients got a message saying "Shall we in Ems Monday 28 4:30?"
First, I bring you a study that tells women exactly how much flesh they should bare to attract men. Because I don't know about you, but I have pondered that question regularly throughout my life! No really! Deep down, secretly in my heart of hearts I know that my intelligence, personality, sense of humour and general demeanour have no value in my attractiveness to potential mates - it really IS all about how much skin I'm showing!
And I really need you to read the article because I want to know if I'm the only one who was doing mental calculations while reading it, and have decided that next time I go out clubbing I'm wearing a micro mini with a gimp mask and a turtleneck top with one sleeve cut off.
Also, I think there needs to be some balance here. It's VITAL FOR SCIENCE that men discover how much flesh they need to show when going out. I believe they are showing far too little to make it possible to objectify them as potential sexual partners with no personality, and that they should be making much more effort to find out exactly how they can best present themselves as 2-dimensional sextoys to us ladies.
Hop to it, boys. I'll volunteer to be on the assessment panel.
Speaking of 2-dimensional sex toys, have some Edward Cullen underwear!
This raises two urgent questions that need answering pronto:
1. How many women really want a disembodied pair of black-and white fake vampire lips that close to their clitoris on a regular basis?
2. What on earth does Robert Pattinson think of the idea of kissing pussy by proxy on random women worldwide?
Stemming from that, and the fact that Google's suggestion when searching 'who plays' only had one entry that wasn't Twilight related (who plays Audrey on Coro St?), it seems Google has some existentialism going on:
Meanwhile, the word cougar came to my attention today, and it's hard not to take such things personally. From the description I don't think I'm one of these. I don't think I'm a MILF either, to be honest. I'm just.. a person.
Anyway, I'm wondering if there are equivalent terms for men, and if there aren't, can we make them up please?
Finally, I love xkcd.
That is all.