tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

The psyche strikes back!

And oh what a strike! Dreams of dancing in zero gravity for the absolute win!

Well, maybe not quite absolute. PMT has made inroads into my ability to dress myself, so today I took 20 minutes to get dressed and I still look like I'm four. Right down to the roman sandals. But I can brazen that out when everything inside my brain is working right.

You know how they reckon ghosts disappear if you look directly at them? I think PMT is like that too. It's weird. I've been doing this Womanly Cycle thing for more than 2/3 of my life. I'm good at it, I've had a lot of practice. Yet every month that it happens (it's not a monthly thing, it's a "HAHAHA I'll lull you into a false sense of security then leap out at you unexpectedly!" thing), it takes me by surprise. I'll spend a day or two going "Why do I feel so aggressive all of a sudden? Why am I annoyed at silly things? Why am I insecure and why am I taking this personally? Why is this water coming out of my eyes?" My hormones flit around the periphery of my vision, partially revealing themselves then disappearing, haunting me and putting me on edge.

And then I look in the mirror, see a gigantic zit forming, and go "Oh yeah! That!" And I look directly at it and go "PMT, I see you." And it disappears - into my wardrobe, seemingly. Or into my oil glands. Mmmm, yummy.

But the point is, at that point of recognition, it no longer has any hold on me. It's like some kind of magical Naming The Demon ritual, without the bad poetry or silly costume. OK, maybe the silly costume (as anyone who's actually seen me today will attest to).

It wasn't always like that. But my life wasn't always as good. I didn't always have as much confidence as I do now, and at one time I hadn't yet learned that the way I feel Right Now is not the way I'll feel forever. And I wasn't always surrounded by people who accept imperfection, mistakes and crankiness as part of a whole that's generally better than that.

So anyway, my hormones have their tail between their legs and are on the run. Tomorrow I may even be able to dress myself!

Also, endorphins ftw. Our lawn is the Lawn From Hell in terms of sheer area to mow, and it has hills and all. We mostly use a non-motorised push mower, but every now and then it's a good idea to use a motor mower for the sake of tidiness, and yesterday was the day. 2 hours of pushing that heavy beast around, followed by chasing cows out of the garden. Yay for incidental exercise and its happy-drug making properties!

Tonight I shall be stealth missioning it. I need +stealth. Doesn't everyone?
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