tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Of boys, unicycles and Rule 34

Last night, Mum gave me a sample of a perfume called Bond Girl. Naturally, I had to try it - you know, just to see if scantily-clad women with strange names start throwing themselves at me, or if a guitar riff starts to play whenever I turn a corner... we shall see.

Anyway, it's quite nice. Normally I wear Tommy Girl, which is kind of marine and spicy. This is sweet and vanilla-y and dare I say it, reminiscent of the 60s and 70s (at least, what I think they might have smelled like). I can't smell any alcohol base in it either. And it caused me to dress in 4 inch heeled boots and a mini skirt with silver tailored jacket. Clearly I should rename myself something exotic for the day. Suggestions?

Some of you might have noticed me behaving a little bit gaga in the last couple of weeks. Others of you already know what I'm talking about. For those who don't, I figured it's about time I came clean. I'm not really sure where to start, but here goes anyway...

I can't actually remember when I first met ferrouswheel. I remember that it was a geeky WoW meetup maybe three years ago at Katipo, and he was introduced to me as 'someone you'll probably get along with.' I also remember charging around Darkshire shooting fireballs at monsters with him on the odd occasion.

But really, I didn't get a chance to get to know him until New Years Eve 2007. He was in town and looking for something to do, I was looking for people to help bring the shiny to a party I was going to, and we ended up going out and having a really good time. For me, it was like "OMG KINDRED SPIRIT!" I took an instant shine to him and his lollipop-sucking, dance-all-nighting, cutest thing ever self. The other thing that happened was that I felt completely safe. Here was someone who automatically respected my boundaries. I'm sure you understand how important that is..

From then on, I set about a campaign to get him to move to Wellington. At this point I had absolutely no ulterior motive - I just really really liked this guy and wanted him in my life and to make him happy.

So we dragged him off to Kiwiburn. Because, you know, that's what you do to people you like. *nod* And we dragged him north to DJ at a variety of parties we put on. And we took his cardboard doppelganger to parties he couldn't make it to. And eventually, we convinced him that Wellington was not such a bad idea (only 1000 blog comments going "Move to Wellington!" - clearly he's a pushover, right?), and he relocated.

Fast forward a year or so, during which the actual real life happyfun adventures continued on a regular basis, and I watched him go through some pretty major life changes and some major learning experiences - as did I. Through all that, I have consistently had a soft spot for him, and basically just wanted to do whatever I can to help him be happy and satisfied and grow in life. I don't really understand why, and I'm not about to analyse it too much - there are just some people that you reallyreally like and ferrouswheel has always been one of those people for me.

When you develop history with a person of the gender to which you're attracted, at some point sex is likely to rear its head. For us, it kind of didn't. That's not to say that the thoughts weren't there - but for me, I had him tucked away in a box labelled 'out of my league' - hello? Smart, funny, good looking, decent person, fun to be around, good dancer, DJ, a lot of my friends lusting after him, never mind the whole PhD-in-demand-for-highpowered-career thing. He says it's silly to have such a box. But you know, I've been known to be silly before. Just saying. And what it meant was that I filtered those kind of thoughts and dreams into that little box, so that I could enjoy just having him in my life as one of my favourite people.

So imagine my surprise when he told me that he had feelings for me. Imagine my eyes getting bigger and bigger and me maybe falling off my chair. Hehe. Imagine me becoming inarticulate. Then imagine me having a rush of bravado and telling him those feelings were reciprocated before I chickened out. Imagine my joy to realise that he wasn't joking.. and I'm going to stop with the imagining there because some things should remain private. ;-)

(i should add here that the fact that he is totally ok with me making this post, even in the knowledge of how uncomfortably personal i sometimes get, is something that both amazes me and fills me with joy)

Also, remember how I said that the next man I got involved with would be subjected to a panel interview with backup trebuchet? Well, um.. ferrouswheel is ON the panel. And being interviewed by one of his fellow panel phased him not at all...

You can call me a fool if you like. I know I've only recently come out of a relationship that was doing me damage. I know I could crash and burn in a big way. I know this. But...

.. but I can't remember the last time I felt like this. Lately my life's been pointing towards ends of cycles and starts of new ones - I've blogged about it at length. Now, I feel as though my heart is open for the first time in a long time - and for those that would call me a fool, I suggest to you that I would be a fool NOT to find out where this leads. So I'm taking that risk, getting on that ride *goggles optional*, and I'm going to enjoy it wherever it goes.

Hi, I'm Tats and I'm very very happy. <3

And after that, I have nothing to say.
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