tatjna (tatjna) wrote,


Today is Dad's birthday. He would have been 86. That makes it four and a half years, and I still miss him.

I don't believe in one. At least, not in the sense that you get judged by some bearded chap in a white robe and either spend the rest of eternity with no genitals rejoicing with a harp, or flailing about in a sea of flames (oh hang on, that sounds like Balrogs Playpen). I reckon that when you die, your stuff (material, ephemeral, whatever) dissipates through the universe and becomes part of everything else. You're not reincarnated - well, bits of you probably are, but only as bits of things made up out of recycled bits of everything else.

So what about this afterlife thing? Well, I think that if you live the kind of life where your energy lives on in the minds of people whose lives you touched, then you're getting an afterlife. And that's the case with my Dad. He was with me for most of Burning Man 06 - I would love to be able to ask him what he thought of that! Sometimes he pops up in my head and tells me to empty my plate - "You paid for it girl, now eat it!" He's also responsible for my knees, my teeth and my sense of adventure - and the almost irresistible desire to swim upstream. If I live a life half as adventurous as his, I'll die content. And I hope I get the kind of afterlife he's having, because he touched my life in such a big way, and he's living it up back there in my subconscious.

Today we put the plaque next to his tree. The tree, a pohutukawa, is small, but it's sending out new shoots since we planted it, and one day it'll be big and look out over the harbour and shine red on his birthday. I like that. The plaque has a verse on it that he wrote:

My time was up, my days were spent
I heard the call so away I went
Think of me once in a while
And when you do, I hope you'll smile.

And you know? I do. Happy Birthday Dad. ;-)

Post post-apocalypse day Tats is sore. My new wicks burn for twice as long as the old ones, which makes things interesting when your body says "Oi, time to stop!" but everything around you is still on fire.

Also, I felt somewhat underdressed, since Tank Girl isn't known for her modest attire, and some folks' vision of what happens after the apocalypse is very different from mine.. However, hooping is teaching me to brazen it out when I'm half naked and standing in groups with people who are fully clothed. And, I now have a new hooping costume. I can hoop in fishnets. Who knew?
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