tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Nod to Christmas

I wish my spam would stop telling me that one wife isn't enough. Seriously. In my case, one wife would be too many, mmk? I wouldn't know what to do with one.

Also, I'm seeing a lot of the Santa meme. I'm not going to do it. I've never put gum in anyone's hair, broken their Xbox or helped people across the street, and I don't want a spanking. I've been spanked by Really Bad Santa before (ask keptinacan how much that hurts), while wearing wet cotton panties. I have no desire to repeat the experience. So instead, have my version:

Dear Santa.

How's life in the North Pole? I expect it got a whole lot less dull since the advent of the internet. But now you get all these form emails full of people telling lies about all the things they did this year. Does it get repetitive and boring to you? And did you know there's a usurper going round Burning Man with a paddle? You know, you should go to Burning Man. It's warmer there. And the ladies who sit on your knee will likely be nekkid, or close to it.

Anyway, this year I've done a whole lot of stuff. I've made a few mistakes and some bad decisions, but overall I can honestly say that I haven't deliberately done anything nasty to anyone. In fact, this year I think I've improved a lot in the forgiveness stakes, and also in my ability to recognise games and choose not to play them or retaliate. Which is bloody hard for me, Santa. I like to engage, I enjoy debate, and I dislike injustice. So I reckon I deserve extra kudos for restraint this year, but you don't need to give me any presents because I'm already getting the rewards for that in the happier life I'm having.

I've turned my back on a couple of people this year, but at the same time I've made peace with others whom I've judged harshly in the past, and I've even admitted I've been wrong once or twice. Go figure. Who'd've thought that would ever happen? It kind of deserves a box of chocolates, but since someone gave me one the other day, I reckon you should give that to my Mum instead.

I have bragged. Yep. Lots. But Santa! I got As! After 20 years of living with my failure the first time round, I'm getting a handle on this university thing! So those two probably cancel each other out, eh? Hmm..

Things I have done that some people think are bad but I don't - danced all night, indulged in recreational substances, engaged in nudity, cuddle puddles and flirting. Feel free to withhold the X-box because, you know, I don't want one.

I have also made peace with my past, and taken steps to address the things that were still haunting me from that. And yeah, I reckon that deserves a reward. So for Christmas, I think what I deserve is for the thing that I can feel is coming, to get here. Dear Santa, please bring me my future.

Love, Tats.

PS I am also guilty of being cheesy. I am happy to eat cheese as penance for this.

I would love to see your actual Santa letter instead of the 'plug in name here' one. Because, you know, your life is much more interesting than some meme.

Time for that question again: Are you enjoying yourself? I am. I scored 0% in the depression meme.

And finally, one of my colleagues just gave me a mannequin. It's a boy one. It's not quite the right size for most of the boys I know, but it's definitely close enough that with a bit of padding, boypeople might be able to use it to help in their costuming endeavours. O.o It needs undies though. It's not quite anatomically correct and it's weirding me out slightly.

And finally finally, apparently the thing that was making the Events Centre rattle alarmingly on Tuesday night while we were spinning was Kanye West. That would explain the high-pitched squealing that was coming from inside too.
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