tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Mostly news, only a little bit of TMI - it's all about balance, grasshopper

I have a new bed!

Well, not yet I don't. It gets delivered tomorrow, though. It's my first ever item of brand new furniture and is all shiny and back-supportive and lovely. <3 my new bed.

It was a bit of a spending day yesterday. The new room that I'm living in has no cupboards, so I needed racks for clothes and also some shelves for stuff that you'd normally put in a cupboard. And my first ever full length mirror! OMG I can see my whole outfit in one go! Consequently, this morning was a bit of a Holy Crap You Look Like A Grandma moment. But hey, my Mum's a grandma and she's hot so I'm workin' the grandma look today with pride. Nyah.

And and and.. a pair of slippers that are like little sleeping bags for my feet, all full of down, $7 from Bed Bath and Beyond where I went with rivet, ostensibly to fondle things. But... cow print! (they didn't have sheep ones more's the pity). Take that, chilblains!

The new flattie moved in on Saturday. The old flattie hasn't left yet, but will be gone by Sunday, so there's only a week's crossover and a spare room. This means none of us will be out of pocket, which is nice. I have to spend some money on my car soon. ;-/ It had a broken tail light, which is fine because the person who broke it will be covering the cost of fixing that, but now it has another broken indicator light on the front and I have no idea how it happened. Grr. There are people on the lookout for second hand parts for me, and I'm hoping the universe will continue with the provision of things I need, because it's due for a warrant and won't get one with two broken indicator lights. Meh.

I did well out of the clothes swap, and came home with a tutu! I'm told it's actually a crinoline, since it's made to go under a skirt and puff it out 50s rock and roll styles, but I plan to do my costume thing on it and wear it as outer wear. Yes, I am becoming more and more of a bag lady every day. But! What little girl didn't want one huh? And I'm still kinda little.. Also - white tulle goes off under blacklight. Yeah!

Surprisingly, I managed to drag myself out on Saturday night despite having the plague, to do some firespinning at the warehouse party in Petone. The fact that we had to jumpstart the Yellow Van Of Yellowness because we'd drained the battery running the stereo, speaks of how well it went. I think I burned 6 times, which I can do with Pegasol fuel (and can't with kero because of the headaches), and also spent some time in the party goofing around, dancing and being silly. Dancing is a spiritual experience for me, I step outside myself and become kind of unaware - it's both therapeutic and revelational (??). And was home by 1:30 because I may be well hard but I also want to be functional in the days following. Let's call it random drive-by partying.

This year I get to go to a festival for New Years, for the first time ever! Tommy is going to be spending New Years with his other family for the first time ever, which leaves me free to go do something. So many festivals, so little time. Currently I'm tossing up between Canaan Downs (free entry as a performer, lots of people I know, beautiful spot, possibly JetPilot djing), and the Psychedelic Retirement Village (3 days zoning out to psytrance with a bunch of chilled out feral hippies, also a beautiful spot, and PSYTRANCE!). Any recommendations would be awesome.

So yeah, lots to look forward to. My plan to be physically well before I go away this weekend is working. Bed should fix back, cold is now in the coughing up loogies stage (how do you spell that anyway?), feet are good, knees are good. Dare I take out my snowboard and dust it off? Hell YEAH!

In my head, I'm doing ok I think. It comes and goes in waves. Mostly I'm focusing forward, staying positive, keeping my attention directed outwards. Being busy really helps. Every now and then I get taken out at the knees by negative emotions, but it's usually short lived, and I think it's ok to allow myself to wallow a little for the sake of grieving and getting the crap out. I.. did love him, after all. The person I loved was real to me - I just didn't have the full picture. So in a way, I was in love with an illusion. I could get all hung up on that, but I suspect that indulging that particular line of thought would create bitterness and I don't want that. So I allow myself to grieve for the love I had, for what it was before I found out it wasn't real, and that way I can move forward and leave the nastiness behind. Yeah? So having a sniff every now and then is actually good for me. I don't want to/have to be angry all the time.

I have a fear, that popped into my mind in the last few days. I know that eventually I will probably start dating again. While I joke about being the crazy dog lady, I'm also quite social and I like men and find them attractive and, well.. you know. So, when I start dating, I don't want to be that woman. You know, the one that sits in the corner eyeing all the other women suspiciously and won't let said man out of her sight, and has jealous fits if he wants to do anything without her? Yeah. Really want to not be that person. Wondering if anyone has words of wisdom on how to make this an isolated incident that doesn't affect my relationships in the future.

My inner voice just said "Listen to your inner voice. It knows what's best for you." Yes, my inner voice is an Italian mother.. hehe.

Charlotte has a dog. Tash is a hairy wee heading dog, and First hasn't eaten her yet. In fact, it looks as though they'll get along just fine. Neat! First has been missing Zen for company, and Tash likes to play chasie.

See? The universe provides.
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