tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

I am strong, I am invincible, I am just putting on a front

I don't have to move house! This is a good thing. For one thing, it means I can buy a new bed, one that doesn't sag in the middle and make my back hurt.

I have spent the last week putting together pieces of the puzzle, finding out what happened, interacting with people who contacted me because they had things to get off their chest. It's been.. harrowing.

In short, there were four women, the first about a month after my ex moved to Wellington last year, the last a couple of weeks ago, the discovery of which caused me to end the relationship. The sex was not always protected. And that's about all I think is appropriate to say publicly about details of that. Today is the last day on which I look back. Now it's time to look forward.

I have to get myself tested, that's pretty obvious. I am not looking forward to that. However, you do what you have to do. Yes I wish I didn't have to do it, but *shrug* I'd be a fool not to.

I have to get a new bed. The one I own is old and it's time for a better one. I have a good mattress, but I'd like a slat bed - the kind they have in shearer's quarters, I've never had back problems while sleeping on one of those - and I saw one I liked the other day. I was putting off the decision because of thinking I'd be moving soon, but now I don't have to, so yay! New Bed!

I have to sort out the flat stuff so that the bills and things get paid seamlessly through the changeover. I have to organise for the new person to meet the existing flatties. I have to mow the lawn.

Next weekend I have Melting Man to look forward to. Flock Hill is one of my favourite places in the world, I feel Home when I'm there, and I think hanging out there will be good for me.

I have been told a lot this week about how strong I am. I'm tired of being strong. Now I just want it to be over. And the only way for that to happen is for me to make it be over. So.

*looks back, waves, cries for what could have been*

*turns around and moves on*

Tonight, I'm having dinner with my family, who are awesome. There will be steak. Steak makes everything better.

Oh. I have been keeping up with the pushups. I haven't bothered to count them but I'm currently in week four, and still in the third column. I still haven't noticed physical changes but I'm better at pushups, for sure.
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