tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

It's all a matter of degree, apparently.

Last night there was hooping, and I enjoyed it. I haven't done it for a while, because about a month prior to Kiwiburn I started to feel burnt out, and everything became a duty instead of a fun pastime. At Kiwiburn I realised that I don't have to be constantly busy, in fact that my constant busyness may have something to do with my seeming inability to develop real intimacy and closeness with people. So I stopped. After several weeks of doing nothing, things are looking like fun again. I just have to be careful to avoid overcommitting myself again.

Also, I managed to make my arms go in and out of the hoop with some form of coordination. I want it to look and feel easy. I also want to not bang my elbow into my wrist at every transition. *winces*

Have you ever:

51. Visited Ireland?
Only in my dreams. The Ireland of my dreams is populated with beautiful horses and small men with soft eyes and soft accents. It’s probably not really like this. Speaking of accents, I reckon the reason we kiwis seem short a vowel or two is because the Irish stole them all. What’s a geayut anyway?

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love?
Probably. It’s not something I’ve ever kept track of, but I know that when I love it’s slow to start, and deep enough that the removal process is long and painful.

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them?
Yes. Random stranger-meetings are all good. I don’t generally have the stones to do it, but when I do I have always found it to be rewarding. Not quite a restaurant, but once I spent two very pleasant hours on a bus talking with a young junkie who left me with three pages of poetry that I still have.

54. Visited Japan?
No! Boo! Now I want to run off and go world tripping!

55. Milked a cow?
Refer back to the bit about holding lambs. When I was a kid, we used to milk 7 cows by hand. It gives you amazingly muscled forearms. Also, cows with big teats are better for handmilking, squirting people is fun, and cows that give two buckets twice a day should have extra calves mothered on and be used for sharemilking so you don’t have to milk them out. When I get my farm, there will probably be a house cow of some description. Milking a cow is like meditation – much like many jobs on a farm it’s repetitive and not too mentally demanding, so you can solve the problems of the world while you’re doing it, and there’s a simple satisfaction in doing it well.

56. Alphabetized your CDs?
Never. I sort my CDs first according to artist, the artists go into a rough genre group, and my favourites are all on the left hand end. Alphabetising is so last week!

57. Pretended to be a superhero?
Tank Girl could be as good as me with a bit of practice.

58. Sung karaoke?
Oh god. Me + port + Janis Joplin = Really Bad Idea. My singing voice is ok at best when I’m straight and sober. Also, Love Shack in the Lumsden pub with my then sister in law. What were we thinking? I reckon leave the karaoke for the shower and the car, in my case.

59. Lounged around in bed all day?
Yup, although maybe only once or twice. Usually once I’m awake, that’s it, I have to be up and doing something. I’m working on fixing this. Also, I’ve been to the supermarket in my jammies – the purple sheep ones.

60. Played touch football?
I used to be in a social touch team. That just sounds wrong, doesn’t it? Yeah, it was pretty wrong. Team sports aren’t really my thing, I’d rather win or lose on my own merits, and not feel that if we lose it’s because of my unco passing. But it was a kind of camaraderie thing that I liked. Dancing could be a team sport! Yeah.

First day of uni today. I have butterflies. I have a fancy composition book that Polly gave me for my notes. I have a map. I have offers of help and reassurance from people who've been where I am now. I have no idea what Social Policy in New Zealand - Values and Change actually means. I have trepidation at the walk (gallop) up that hill. Mostly, though, I have an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction that after all the planning and a 20 year hiatus, I'm finally DOING IT!

go me

This morning, I did something that was very hard, and made me feel very good about myself. Funny how the hard things often do that. I recommend it.
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