tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

See? I LIKE Christmas!

I reckon that guy in the background looks dodgy as hell though.

How long will they stay inflated? This was just after they were blown up.

Today I woke up angry. I mean, really angry, with seemingly no cause. Yeah, yeah, I know the stuff about grieving and anger and all that, but ffs I haven't even got to denial yet. And nothing's actually happened.

Regardless, TA DA! Pre-emptive anger. So anyway, after cussing out my car, bending pombagira's ear, ranting on tenchinage, doing some retail therapy and having a cup of tea with Mum, I felt.. just as fucking angry. Only it was turning tearful. What.The.Fuck. I didn't know what to do with myself so I went into the garden to say hi to my flowers, and I ended up scrabbling in the dirt with my hands, ripping out weeds and roots and anything I could lay my hands on. Eventually my fingers started to bleed so I went and got a knife and stabbed away at the dirt and ripped and tore and cried and swore. For four hours.

I do feel better, but I don't want to be around people tonight because I can feel myself wanting to be nasty to someone - anyone would do, and that's not fair. So Yonderman's party will have to cope without me. I'm sure they will. Have a good time, those of you who are going.

Those of you who know xhile, I'm guessing you've seen his post. I support and reiterate what he's said. Yes, he is depressed, yes we are talking and yes we are closer than before. He's a light in my life and I think we are probably both wishing we could be more (together?) for each other right now. Someone said the other day that the timing is never right. It's true. But.. gah. I don't know what I'm trying to say. There is love, that counts, the rest will sort itself out? Something like that.

I am not usually at a loss for words. I think I'll go eat too much crap food now.
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