tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Try explaining this one to Mr De Malmanche

So I've had the hunk of obsidian (I just can't bring myself to call it a crystal ball) for a few weeks now and spent quite a bit of time with it. While I have yet to figure out what it's for per se, I am developing somewhat of a relationship with it.

It no longer yells at me, or even mutters. It's more like singing. Which is kind of funky.

It doesn't have 'visions' when I gaze into it. It does have 'experiences.'

I have never felt so grounded. Hee!

And it's doing its thing with aplomb. I don't think I have words to describe exactly or specifically what its thing is, but it's definitely doing something, and doing it well. Its arrival in my life was not a turning point, or a catalyst, or a satori, or any of those huge, impressive, sweepings-of-change. It did, however, coincide with the cohesion of a whole bunch of different things I've been consciously and unconsciously working on for (who knows?) quite a long time. Nothing happened overnight, except a slight reduction in 'static.'

Nothing noticeable happened at all. Nothing big, nothing impressive, certainly nothing directed consciously by me. But something happened just the same - slowly, imperceptibly, and only noticeably in hindsight, over a period of weeks. I feel as if I'm becoming, and I can't think of a better word to describe it.

So what have I learned from this? Well, being proactive achieved precisely nothing for me (in terms of "I'll sit down with this thing and gaze into it till my eyes cross"). However, like nearly everything else I do, if I remove conscious thought and action towards a goal, I achieve more towards the goal. Yay for backwards logic.

It's like Ralph says, if you can get your ego (or maybe your Self) out of the way and let the ki flow, then you're doing aikido. Or, more accurately, aikido is doing you. *filthy thought alert*


Anyway. That's my big revelation. Heh. Do nothing and let it happen. This does not mean sitting on my ass waiting for the universe to provide. It means consciously getting my own subjectivity/attachment to outcome out of the way of what I'm trying to do, so that it can get itself done. Because that's the most effective way to achieve things, for me.

Nothing like having your worldview turned inside out to make life interesting, eh?

*happy smile*

*insert something profound from the Tao here, because I know it's full of that stuff but the simple act of me going "I am now going to read the Tao and absorb its lessons" will alter things in a way that the lessons of the Tao will go right over my head*

(the Tao will find its way to me, over time, if I let it)
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