I have no particular ill-will towards him. But I don't really want to see him either. It's one of those situations where I have to, really. Sign some paperwork, swap niceties, etc, be done with it.
Odd. I was thinking about him this morning, this afternoon I get email.
It weirds me out, the idea of seeing him after all this time. I am fighting against some inane desire to 'prove' something that I know I don't have to.
(yes this is the one that spent most of our relationship convincing me i wasn't feminine enough, then dumped me for someone else)
Last time I saw him, we had coffee. And I could still feel that slight belittlement that caused me to feel defensive, I was glad when it was over, and I left feeling as though I'd been through some kind of torturous personality test. I really have no desire to repeat that.
(this is also the person who taught me a lot about values and about communication, and objectivity, and numerous other things. there is a lot of respect there, but also a certain amount of contempt at his inability to apply what he taught me, to himself)
I feel curiosity, about what he's up to. I feel a form of warmth, for the friendship we had. But this person cut me cold, after five years together, and even after a period of time for us both to get over it, made no effort to maintain friendship. So, I suspect any potential friendship is well in the past. There is no reason for me to want to see him.
I am wondering if there's any way to do this without having to meet. Is it immature of me to not want to see this person after all this time? I barely think of him in my day to day life, yet the prospect of meeting him makes me go "I don't think so." - along with a sick feeling in my stomach that's kind of like the feeling before an exam.
Lately I've been doing some reinforcing of boundaries, and one of the big ones has been "I choose who I allow into my life." So, here I am, faced with a choice. In the grand scheme of things, it's not a big one. But the fact that I'm debating this at all tells me that it might be pivotal.
(then there's the little voice that goes "why do you even care? it was years ago." well, i'm deep. suck it up - i have to)
And the timing? Ha. *ironic laugh*
So, do banks accept faxed signatures?
Today has been far too filled with people acting out of character. Can somebody please comment with something that's so typically THEM that my faith in the natural order is restored? That'd be awesome.
On the upside, by tomorrow I'll be seeing an upside. *smile*