tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Be nice and watch me crumble

I feel so very loved. It's overwhelming.

Yes, my whelm has officially fled to somewhere where there's lots of warm salty water and it's turned on the taps. I'm not sure what to do about this.

I have done a lot of crying this year. There were times when I thought I'd end up a dried-up, shrivelled little husk because all my water had come out through my eyes. I've cried out of frustration, desperation, hurt, anger, pain and loneliness. I've cried in a way that felt as though my insides were going to burst out through my chest and I couldn't breathe. You know, the kind of crying that leaves you with a headache and weak and just.. empty? And none of my friends have ever seen me cry.

This morning, somebody said something really nice to me, and I realised that they really really meant it. And that the person who said nice things to me the day before really meant it too, and all the other people who've said nice things to me this year, yeah.. you get it. And it hit me like a sledgehammer that I am loved. I was just looking in the wrong direction to see it.

Holy crap. So consequently I burst into tears, and everybody saw. And I couldn't stop.

It's been a hell of a long time since I cried with happiness.

Thank you all.

In other news, I texted that guy, just for a laugh. He called me and I laughed at him. Then I laughed with him. He wants to see me. Like I said, I'm all for new and interesting people, especially ones that can take a joke. But I'm still celibate. ;-)

Also, this: Dancing people look here. I <3 Pequire.

And, climbing tonight for those who are into self-abuse through lactic buildup. 6pm Fergs, come laugh at Happy's squiggly arms and my squiggly legs (dancing 7 hrs ftw!), get your own squiggle on, etc...
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