January has been a month I'd really rather forget. Don't get me wrong, some good stuff has happened. But it seems that, for most people, myself included, it's been a monthus horribilis. No, I don't want to discuss it. Yes, I'm glad it's over. So, I'm decreeing that a) January 2006 is officially written off, b)everyone needs to chill the fuck out, and c) I'm having a break. I'm not sure what nature this break will take yet. I thought about not blogging for a while, but I'm an opinionated attention whore and I enjoy it. I've taken all the sick days I'll get away with. I've been on a road trip and I've bought stuff I shouldn't have. One more Thing and I'm done. But, I think, for a short while at least, till I get my own shit together, the Doctor is Not In. K? Just for a while? But I might be doing a bit more leaning than usual, and I hope that is ok too.
And there's this:
First let me say, you are brave for clicking that link. Anyway, I was reading a thing this morning about menstrual huts. Know how in the old days women were separated from everyone else when menstruating? What that basically meant was that for a week or so a month, all women got a break from their duties - no husband (or whatever), kids, chores, job - just a hut with other menstruating women. Some people would go "Oh noes! A room full of women menstruating and you're stuck in it? Run! Save yourselves!" But, how cool would it be to be able to actually give in to that desire to throw coffee cups, sleep in, eat crap food and be bitchy? And to have others to do it with who weren't judging?
Anyway, this guy was saying it would be kind of cool for men, too. Because, men don't get an enforced break every month. (I know, women don't these days either, but at least we get a bit hormonal and a chance to express toxic feelings). Men are inclined to just keep pushing along, ignoring the bad feelings and doing business as usual, regardless of how they feel.
So what he was suggesting was that Pizza Huts be turned into Menstrual Huts, where people of both genders can go and be bitchy and give themselves a break from the responsibilities of their adult lives for a week a month. I think this idea has much merit.
Warning: Serious-ish stuff to follow
Then there was this. It's a series of questions to ask yourself after the storm is over, so to speak. I'm not going to answer them here because memes are not my thing. but yes, there's been a shitstorm lately all over this town, and yes, now things have calmed down a little I can think of a few people who read this, that would benefit from sitting down and thinking about this stuff. Yes, I'm one of them.
1. What feelings and intuitions have you been trying to ignore lately?
2. Which parts of your life are overdue for death?
3. What messages has life been trying to convey to you but which you've chosen to ignore?
4. What red herrings, straw men, and scapegoats have you chased after obsessively in order to avoid dissolving your most well-rationalized delusions?
5. What unripe parts of yourself are you most ashamed or fearful of? How can you give those parts more ingenious love?
6. What parts of yourself have the least integrity and don't act in harmony with what you regard as your highest values? How can you bring them into alignment with your true desires?
7. Is it possible that in repressing things about yourself that you don't like, you have also disowned potentially strong and beautiful aspects of yourself? What are they?
8. Are those really flaws that are bugging you about the people whose destinies are entwined with yours, or just incompletely developed talents? Are those really flaws that are bugging you about yourself, or merely incompletely developed talents?
9. Some people try to deny their portion of the world's darkness and project it onto individuals or groups they dislike. Others acknowledge its power so readily that they allow themselves to be overwhelmed by it. We believe in taking an in-between position, accepting it as an unworked gift that can serve our liberation. Where do you stand?
10. It's easy to see fanaticism, rigidity, and intolerance in other people, but harder to acknowledge them in yourself. Do you dare?
11. Speak the following sample as if it were yours and see how it feels: "I'm ready to stop the world. I need some extended leave time. A sabbatical from life. I'm not going to wash any dishes, do any laundry, make any small talk, pay any bills. I will follow every weird train of thought or vagrant emotion that captures my imagination. Will lower the barrier between my conscious and unconscious minds. Will follow the smells I like. Listen to my body. Celebrate what's not so beautiful but really interesting about myself and anyone else. Keep my eyes out for surprising new intuitions and teachings. Have wild patience. Smash a clock with a hammer. Actually kiss the earth. Fall out of my chair from laughing so hard at nothing in particular. Listen to music I don't understand. Call out to the sky, 'I defy you, stars.' Give my whole heart or else not offer it at all."
And before we resume normal programming:
For some other Taurus who is not me
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Do you have a forbidden fantasy? Is there some adventure you wish you could let yourself have, but you lack the money or spunk to attempt it? Have you been nursing an impossible dream that is no closer to fulfillment now than it was when you first conjured it up years ago? If so, Taurus, the time has come to resolve your relationship with it. Either renounce it and forget it forever, or else take a bold, practical step toward making it come true. P.S. You have more courage than you realize.
Wow. That was long. Anyone who read it all, give yourself a gold star, a pat on the back, a million dollars and a pony. And for those who want a million ponies and a dollar, apparently Argentina is the place to go.
I think I'm getting better at aikido. We are learning 2nd-8th dan stuff, not the techniques I need for 4th kyu, but the basic fundamental stuff is all the same. And, working 17 million levels above your skill is quite good for a) improving fundamentals and b) napalming your ego out of existence. I actually, for the first time ever, last night considered that I one day might wear a hakama.
Also, how can one dress in fake fur fabric and still look sexy?