Anyway, she says "You're not focusing on trying to hit me." (we were doing a move where you go as if trying to stab them in the throat, and they deflect and throw you) "You're just walking past me. Focus on my throat and really try to do it."
So I did.
And I got her. In the throat. Precisely where I'd aimed it. Small outburst ensued, in which I stated that that was why I didn't want to do it that way, and had a wee snivel. I hate hurting people. That's not what I do aikido for and when it happens, I always have a bit of a meltdown. Apparently she's ok. Think I'm gonna aim for anyone's throat in the near future? I know too much about what's inside there to have any desire to poke a stick in it. And I really hate crying in front of people.
I have also collected a large and painful bruise in the middle of my back, slightly to the left of my spine, from rolling. One way is fine, the other way I have to concentrate or I go over on my spine and hit the same area every time. The bruise is a reminder so I guess it's good. Hey, at least I can roll.
Aside from these things, I think I'm improving. It's weird, there's no noticeable stuff that I can pinpoint and go "Yup, that's definitely better than it was." It's more, things work more often, I'm keeping my centre of gravity lower and it feels more natural, that kind of thing. You never know, in ten years or so I might even think I'm good at it.
In other news, the city is cleaner today. There is calm after the storm. I'm wearing different shoes because my favourite comfy (leaky) ones are saturated. They are ladylike and corporate-like and altogether much harder to walk in. But my feet look hot.
I have hope for the world and the people in mine today.