February 13th, 2013

tats

In which I navel gaze less than usual and ramble about cute toes

Today I was going to write a long and rambly introspective post about why it is that I think being mistaken for someone I admire on a regular basis can be bad for my self-esteem rather than the more logical response of being flattered.

But it's simple really. Take these factors and combine:

1. Most women are trained from a pretty early age to compare/compete with other women. I am no exception. Despite my self-awareness and effort, I still sometimes catch myself doing this comparison. I'm not proud of it, but I am aware of it, and each time it happens it gets easier to set aside. But it still happens. When I'm mistaken for someone else it sets it up to happen.

2. Being the Smart Pommy New Kid in 7 different schools, each of which had its own culturally-accepted way of hazing/ostracising those who were different. Especially fun was the one where the kids would form a 'club', then invite you, then when you turned up hoping to make friends they'd be all "Oh we didn't really mean you" and go off without you to have their fun. Woot! One giant inferiority complex, coming right up! As an adult, again I'm aware of this, but I also sometimes catch myself wondering when this wonderful group of cool kids that form my social group will turn around and abandon me because I'm not good enough. And then I tell myself it's silly, but it still happens sometimes.

Most of the time neither of these things affect me unduly, but in my weak/unwary moments, being mistaken for someone I admire brings on the combination of almost-unconscious comparison and inferiority complex, and adds up to feeling pretty stink about myself for a while. I get over it pretty quickly and it's happening less and less, but it still happens.

I don't actually think I'm that unusual in this.

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So what's all this slop then? Valentine's Day isn't till tomorrow!

Well, I dunno. Tomorrow is tomorrow, and I thought of this today, brought on by the Ostrich Pillow Incident, and the many other similar incidents that make me go "This man is awesome!" on a regular basis. I don't need to wait till tomorrow to say it, do I?

So, um, what do you think is awesome about someone in your life, that has nothing to do with you?

Also, I'm at the work conference all day today. I'm wearing corporate clothing and trying not to fidget in it. This is harder than you'd think.