September 14th, 2006

happy

All with the long posts these days

Today is day three back at work, day four back in Wellington. Things have changed while I've been away - not least of which is that my favourite ice cream shop has closed and been replaced by a Wendy's. Tragedy! Or, someone trying to tell me I probably shouldn't eat ice cream for lunch three times a week. Hmm.. Also, there are mysterious holes all over the pavement. It appears that our water system is undergoing a huge overhaul of some description, and it's all being done at once. Spring has progressed further, as evidenced by the way my dog looks like a ratty old carpet. I've mentioned the way she sheds before - nothing nothing nothing, then EVERYTHING, all at once! And it sticks in the guard hairs in clumps unless I brush her daily. Mmm, dog hair..

So yeah, lots is different. The thing is, I'm different too. There are small physical things, like I have a tan, I lost 4kgs that I could ill afford while in the desert, and I've stopped biting my fingernails. But the things that have changed the most are inside my head. I can't pinpoint these, exactly, I just know that I feel different. I can remember sitting in the dust, thinking about my life here, my job, my sports, activities and social life. And my main thought was "Who is that person? Can I go back and be her again?"

Weird thoughts. A lot happened before, during and after BM and this time, much more than last time, I don't think I will ever be the same as I was. I see this as a good thing. But, after only four days back home, I can feel the pull of my previous life and habits sucking me back to where I was before. It's like a contraction of spirit, a pulling-in of the tentative feelers I had put out into the world, and I'm not at all sure I like it. Don't get me wrong, I love this place, I love my friends and the things that I do. But somehow I feel as though I'll be less alive if I allow myself to just pick up where I left off. I also know that it's pretty normal to feel some kind of comedown after a holiday. But yeah, I like who I am now more than I liked who I was before, and I want to hang on to that.

I see big changes coming in my future, and have no idea what form they'll take.

Anyway, enough introspection. On to another bombardment of photos. Tally ho!

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Things happened out there in the desert. I don't know how to describe them. I did leave something there:

After.

But more importantly, it left something on me. Something that will always be there. A footprint on my psyche, if you will. Thank you to all the people, for the experiences I had with each of you. You know who, and what, I mean. *hugs*

[EDIT] And then, for something altogether different, Tats goes and has a rollicking good coffee with segrada. Vive le randomness of life! ;-)
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