tatjna (tatjna) wrote,

Not so much with the happy today

Today is day three with nothing to do. Yes, I have plenty of work on, but it's all at stages where I'm waiting for feedback, waiting for approval, waiting for someone else to do the bit that's necessary before I can continue, waiting for .. you get the idea. It's frustrating. I'm bored with surfing the net and reading Build magazine. I did learn that the new henge at Carterton isn't made of stone though. It's made of wood framing covered in cement board, with wire mesh over that and then concrete sprayed on. And it has inbuilt microphones. Hmm..

So Tommy's father and his new wife have split up. Apparently this is a fairly regular occurrence, although this is the first time it's got to the point where I was told. At the moment, Tommy and his Dad are staying with Tommy's uncle, and Tommy's been out of school all week. This bothers me, because Tommy likes school and is good at it.

Anyway, I heard about it when I got a text from my Mum saying that Tommy wanted to phone me at a certain time. So I flagged aikido and went home and waited. And waited. No call. Eventually I called him. Nobody in the house knew anything about him supposedly being allowed to call me. Seems he'd lied to his Grandma saying that he was allowed to call me. *sigh* It's nothing new that Tommy's father tries to minimise contact with me for Tommy, but now his son is lying in order to be able to talk to me. He's learning to manipulate people through being denied contact with me. He also lies about any trouble he gets in at school, because his father yells at him a lot, and browbeats people. Easier for Dad not to know than to take the crap he dishes out when he does know. There's communication, then there's yelling and abuse. Tommy is learning not to communicate, and to lie to avoid the rest. *deep sigh*

Anyway, the difficulty for me now is that Tommy's stepmother was the only thing that made me feel ok about the situation the way it was. She at least made sure he had food, clothes, got to school and such. Also, she has said that if Tommy's dad ever hit any of the kids again, she'd leave. Now maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but she's left and I know from first hand experience how violent he can be. So now, I don't know what to do.

I talked to Tommy's aunt where he's staying and she reassures me that everything's fine and they'll probably work it out. Now, I don't care about their relationship. I do care about what's happening with Tommy. Sadly, there is a conspiracy of silence within that family - they don't tell me anything about what's going on with Tommy even when it's good stuff. Tommy's father has managed to convince them all that I'm crazy and that I'll come swooping in and kidnap him if I'm at all involved in his life. *more sighing*

In reality, I don't know what to do. I don't know if there's anything I -can- do. I know that I am extremely disturbed by the idea of Tommy living alone with his father. For anyone who doesn't know, Tommy's father got custody by bribing a probation officer to speak to the judge in the case privately (without my knowledge) on his behalf. I have no idea what was said, but it must have been pretty bad because custody of a 5-year-old was given to someone with a criminal record, an history of violence and alcohol abuse, and no job, over me. Yes, I'm bitter. Yes, it drives me nuts if I think about it too much. Yes, I've had to make my peace with this sucky situation. And every time something like this happens I ask myself "Do I reopen the custody case now? Is this enough for me to finally get somewhere with it?" I don't know. Should I wait and see what happens?

I asked Tommy's aunt to ring me if anything happened that required my input, asked if she had my number, and I could just tell that that won't happen. "Oh yes I think Tommy wrote it down somewhere.." *cries*
I'm watching my son turn into a mini-version of his Dad before my eyes, and I'm pretty much powerless to stop it.
And I don't know what to do.

On the upside, the sheep-care thing looks like it might just happen. This makes me very happy. I've missed working with sheep. I suppose it's a weird passion, but it stems from just enjoying animal husbandry in general, and this will be a nice counterpoint for my desk job, while keeping my hand in, making contacts and getting gear together for when I have my farm. And First will love it!

So yeah, stuff to be happy about, stuff to be sad about.

Saw a guy wearing a bright red Holden jacket this morning. A grown man. The Ford vs Holden debate is stupid. "My inanimate object is better than your inanimate object, and I'm going to label my clothes because my self-esteem and identity is tied in with that idea."

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