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OK so it's now been a month and three days and the skinhunger is… - Tactical Ninja

Aug. 18th, 2014

10:07 am

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OK so it's now been a month and three days and the skinhunger is setting in with three weeks still to go.

Skinhunger is that feeling of missing bodily contact. Not necessarily sex (although yes, I miss that too), but touching, and in my case, smelling another person up close.

What? I experience the world through my senses and smell is one of them. I like the smell of people, right up to and including hot sweaty people - as long as they don't have that unwashed smell, warm skin is one of the nicest smells there is.

And the nicest feelings.

There are lots of great things about being apart from your partner for a while. It's a chance to explore total independence, to blob around in your jammies and be lazy about food and bedtimes, to take up opportunities without having to consider another person, and (this may be just me) to do riveting indoors without pissing anyone off. I admit that I enjoy having a bunch of time to myself, and I also enjoy knowing that my partner is off having adventures that will add to the things we have to share with each other when he gets back. It makes me very happy that we're both ok with this kind of separation, and I feel kind of smug when people are surprised that I 'let' Dr Wheel go to Burning Man without me.

Newsflash, I didn't 'let' him do anything, because he doesn't need my permission to live his life the way he chooses. I *did* encourage him, because why wouldn't I? It's an adventure, and Dr Wheel's adventurous nature is one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. I don't think love places limits on people - I think love removes them - so the idea of me trying to stop him from having adventures for the sake of.. actually I don't know why I'd do that.. but yeah, it would be the opposite of love.

The smugness comes from my historic awareness of the general view of love as ownership and how detrimental that can be to happiness as a couple. Knowing that we're not like that? Priceless to me.

But I miss him. Skinhunger is like actual hunger - it gnaws. I won't die like I would without food. It does make for some yearnins though. ;-/

Comments:

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From:mac_arthur_park
Date:August 17th, 2014 11:02 pm (UTC)
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I SOOOO get this. Kent's only going to be gone for four (or maybe five...possibly six. These guys are so very organized) and I'm looking forward to it. But I also know that I'll be more than ready for him to come home.
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From:tatjna
Date:August 17th, 2014 11:18 pm (UTC)
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I think regular breaks from each other is a good idea, but I'm always happy when we get each other back too. ;-)
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From:anna_en_route
Date:August 17th, 2014 11:08 pm (UTC)
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I agree wholeheartedly (both with the idea that ownership is rediculous and the idea that separate adventures make a couple stronger and more interesting)!

Outside of the obvious are you finding your mood improving with the increase in light and fine weather?

I feel like I'm waking up with energy for the first time in a long time and I'm putting it down to the very tenous spring.
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From:tatjna
Date:August 17th, 2014 11:18 pm (UTC)
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Yes, definitely. It helps that I got out in the garden last weekend and can see all those bulbs I planted back in May getting ready to flower. And I can get dressed with daylight, which helps me not look too rugged.

And it's still daylight when I get home. This makes me very happy.
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From:girlguitarist
Date:August 18th, 2014 02:53 am (UTC)
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People are ALWAAAAYS shocked that I "allow" my husband to do things like stream games and go to Magic tournaments. I have my own hobbies too and I don't need to check with him!

Totally get the skinhunger. After one night I feel it!
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From:tatjna
Date:August 18th, 2014 03:49 am (UTC)
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Hehe yeah, it doesn't take long eh? ;-)
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From:meathiel
Date:August 18th, 2014 07:01 am (UTC)
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I think relationships where one partner allows the other to do something are ... wrong! People are still individuals, right?
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From:tatjna
Date:August 18th, 2014 07:05 am (UTC)
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One would hope so, but there seems to be a lot of ownership-claiming going on in the world of relationships. This is the first one I've been in where my partner hasn't tried to exercise control over my choices.
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From:yshaloo
Date:August 18th, 2014 04:48 pm (UTC)
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People said the same thing to me about "letting" Sparks go to Vegas without me. One of the things I like best about Sparks is that he is a whole person on his own and has his own interests outside of our relationship. Then I don't have to feel guilty for being the same way. I think that's what makes us work so well, we don't try to be two halves of a whole, we're both whole people who enjoy each other but still have our own stuff going on. He gets home late tonight. I've missed him.
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From:tatjna
Date:August 18th, 2014 08:26 pm (UTC)
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"Then I don't have to feel guilty for being the same way."

OH HELL YES
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From:meri_sielu
Date:August 18th, 2014 05:49 pm (UTC)
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I get this too, I'm totally fine to be away from Josh and vice versa, I want us to be able to things independantly of each other but damn if I don't miss him after a while. :(
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From:tatjna
Date:August 18th, 2014 08:26 pm (UTC)
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It would be concerning if you didn't. That was actually one of the things that signalled to me that I should not be in my marriage - I would have preferred he didn't come back.
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From:thesecondcircle
Date:August 18th, 2014 08:24 pm (UTC)
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DH and I are often attached at the hip... but not because of any ownership or forcing, but because we enjoy each other so much! The concept of letting people do things? um yeah, that doesn't make any sense to me.

In fact, I'm about to take the kid camping for a long weekend while he stays home and goes to a friend's epic birthday party. That's what we each want to do and it will be just fine.

"Let's split up."
"Yeah, we can do more damage that way."
-- Ghostbusters
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From:tatjna
Date:August 18th, 2014 08:27 pm (UTC)
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Hehe, true. It takes a special sort of person to spend that much time with them and still seek out their company. ;-)
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From:rivet
Date:August 20th, 2014 03:18 am (UTC)
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I get about 10 days before the skinhunger gets serious and increases the risk of bad decisions. That's why I have skin friends.
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From:plantgirl
Date:August 22nd, 2014 12:49 pm (UTC)
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I'm going on 2+ years of skin hunger. I gave up and sublimated it for now. I'm so aware of how bad my decisions could be when touch becomes available to me that I'm now scared of getting touch. If I tried to find skin friends (especially in KY) it could get really weird.

Stupid conundrum. :/
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From:adam_0oo
Date:August 23rd, 2014 03:01 am (UTC)
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"Skinhunger is like actual Hunger Games"
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