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Taking MiniMe to a whole new level - Tactical Ninja

Dec. 18th, 2013

09:27 am - Taking MiniMe to a whole new level

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We are now doing the countdown dance at work. You know the one, where everyone keeps bringing round chocolates and there's some celebratory lunch thing every day? Today is our team one. Tomorrow is.. um.. I can't even remember. Someone's leaving, I think? Then on Friday there's the one where everyone does Secret Santa then we all sit round waiting to see when we'll be allowed to go home.

Speaking of which, I expect it'll be 1 o'clock. I don't know what time others are knocking off on Friday, but I wouldn't mind doing a roundup to see if and when Fidels is likely to happen. Because I'm nothing if not a creature of habit.


So ms_danson wanted to know how I would take over the world.

What she doesn't realise is that I already have. Mwuahahahahaha! It's just a very subtle sort of domination, so most of you don't realise that you are puppets dancing to my tune.

Shut up, I can mix my metaphors if I want, I rule the world, damnit!

So, the question then becomes: If I were a non-world-ruling pleb and I wanted to depose me and take over as ruler, how would I do it?

I'm guessing assassination is out, since these days killing a ruler generally leads to nasty punishments rather than being given their role instead. Unless you're like, Thor, or something.

Not Thor. Check.

Ok, so what about character assassination then? I'm pretty sure I know enough dire secrets about me that I could make the rest of the world judge me unfit, right? Oh wait, I've been blabbing my dire secrets on LJ for the last 10 years, and quite a lot of that has been stuff about the dire secrets from my life before that. Hmm... so there's really nothing dire about me that you don't already know.

Yes, there are things about me that you don't know, but they are not dire, and unlikely to be stuff that'd get me deposed. In fact, they'd probably make you go "Go you!" I know I would, if I found that stuff out about me. And I'd be envious. But that's a whole nother story...

Also, my character's already survived an assassination attempt or two, and it seems that those sort of things often turn into boomerangs that end up destroying the reputation of the would-be assassin. Unless the assassination is around someone's double standards regarding drugs. And I don't have one of those. Or a mistress. Sorry.

Or, I could just stop obeying me, and start some kind of grassroots movement whereby people emulate my quiet rebellion and start ignoring my dictates. The movement would gradually grow in both resources and motivation until it mobilises with a WUNC display like you've never seen and establishes legitimacy by being noticed and supported by Anonymous. Then an extremist faction would splinter off and start engaging in eccentric AntiTats behaviour, maybe make some shouty videos and put them on YouTube or something. And the rest of us could point at them and go "Look, compared to that lot we are normal upstanding citizens, and you should totally follow us!" Voila! Domination!

However, my current attempts to get the world behind me in my boycott of The Hobbit and also refusing to use the Koru Lounge, are not going all that well. So I'm not sure I could overthrow me within my own lifetime.

Hmm.. how about revolution? Build some barricades, chant something catchy like:

Hey hey, ho ho, rhyming slogans have got to go!


Maybe stage a sit-in, burn some effigies, and write strongly-worded denunciations of my policies on public forums. Because that stuff works so well...


Ooh, I know! We could utilise the democratic process and have a Citizen's Initiated Referendum, where the people resoundingly tell me exactly what they want and I capitulate because it's obvious I don't have a mandate to continue down my disastrous course of action....

..oh wait.

Sorry folks, looks like you're stuck with me. Unless you have a better idea...

Comments:

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From:pombagira
Date:December 17th, 2013 08:36 pm (UTC)
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me me me.. i will be finishing up abotu 1pm on friday to.. whoot!!

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From:tatjna
Date:December 17th, 2013 08:37 pm (UTC)
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Excellent! We should sit around consuming beverages and cackling. Or something.
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From:pombagira
Date:December 17th, 2013 08:38 pm (UTC)
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yus that would be most excellent.. *skips about*
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From:danjite
Date:December 18th, 2013 01:41 am (UTC)
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Beverages and cacklery?

I'm in.
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From:bekitty
Date:December 17th, 2013 09:06 pm (UTC)
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Can I come along to your protest with a sign that says "Down with gravity! Up with elevation!"? I've always wanted to go to a protest like that. :P
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From:tatjna
Date:December 17th, 2013 09:12 pm (UTC)
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I think an anti-protest protest might be in order. And your sign would be perfect!
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From:bekitty
Date:December 17th, 2013 10:46 pm (UTC)
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That might be an idea for something to do at Kiwiburn.
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From:tieke
Date:December 18th, 2013 01:41 am (UTC)
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I'm going to get mega-rich from small beginnings, using the power of my perfectly timed business idea and rapacious greed.

Then I'm going to take control of your policies through a combination of buying them and threatening economic ruin if I don't get my way.

You can stay on as puppet world dominator if you like, I don't mind either way.
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From:tatjna
Date:December 18th, 2013 01:44 am (UTC)
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Just don't ever let yourself get recorded discussing dodgy dealings with me over a cup of tea or anything. We all know where that goes...
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From:dreadbeard
Date:December 18th, 2013 05:26 am (UTC)
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hrm, on Friday I have a meeting at like 4:30pm in Whitby, so will be unlikely to hit Fidels til after 6...
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From:tatjna
Date:December 18th, 2013 07:16 pm (UTC)
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Good to know. I may or may not still be there by then.
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From:meathiel
Date:December 18th, 2013 06:17 am (UTC)
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I wish I could leave at 1 p.m. on Friday ... don't think that's really realistic, though. Meh ...
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From:tatjna
Date:December 18th, 2013 07:15 pm (UTC)
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We don't really get a choice. Because of the move, we're all supposed to pack up our desks today. I'm not sure what we're supposed to do for the morning tomorrow...
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From:m_danson
Date:December 18th, 2013 02:46 pm (UTC)
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Paradise Labs is delighted to inform you that, as one of our premium customers, you were entered in a totally random draw (trust us) for a free consultant. We are happy to inform you that:

YOU ARE A WINNER!

You may pick up your free consultant at the Annual Paradise Labs New Years Gala (this year's fireworks will coincide with our annual black helicopter shoot) or, if you are unable to attend, your consultant will be shipped to you in his/her own crate**.

We at Paradise Labs look forward to your continued patronage in 2014.

- Doc Paradise


**Please make sure that someone is avaliable to sign for the crate if you choose that option. Crate contains food, water, and air for only a week. Contents may degrade.
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From:tatjna
Date:December 18th, 2013 07:16 pm (UTC)
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Hmmm..

.. seems legit. ;-)
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