Internalising a complicated situation in my head - Tactical Ninja
Nov. 29th, 2013
11:25 am - Internalising a complicated situation in my head
On the other side of the world, people are doing weird things to turkeys. Have fun with that, you lot.
When I first started this blog, I was in a new town trying out a new life. I didn't really know anyone, but my brother pointed me at LJ and it had a few names I recognised on it, and I thought maybe it'd be a way to connect and develop a social group.
It worked. A lot of the people I'm now friends with IRL I met through LJ, and it helped us all connect back then and it was awesome.
Things have changed over the years. Most of the people I know IRL don't write here anymore. Or really, write anywhere. But me, that creature of habit, that seeker of stability, that clinger-onto-er of anything that resembles security in a world that I know as well as anyone is unstable and insecure? I'm still here, blogging almost daily.
Only, it's come to the point now where what I'm getting out of it doesn't equal the effort I put in.
I miss those long, rambling conversations. I miss shooting the shit, and I miss the silly pun-strings that used to happen here, where people I know and love would compete to be as silly and ridiculous as possible without ever sacrificing this idea that we're all smart people.
And I have to be realistic. That isn't coming back.
So, what am I left with? Well, there's friending frenzies. They are pretty hit and miss. I've participated in a few, and picked up friends, and that's neat. There are even people here through that effort that I connect with really well. And others that I don't.
Short aside - I struggle with the ettiquette of unfriending. I'm always a bit backfooted when someone takes me off their list, and I don't like doing that to other people. But there are people here who I skim over, and I know there are those who skim over me. There are those who have never commented, and those to whom I struggle to think of anything to say.
And I'm kind of tired of it. It feels like a pretence for the sake of interaction, but the level of interaction I'm getting doesn't feel worth it any more. Comments are important to me, because for me the internet's main purpose is to connect with other people. Comments = connection, it's that simple. And not being able to interact to the extent that I desire is disheartening.
I know people like the sheep posts. I like doing the tutorials, even though they are not really for people here, they are for the people who find them through other places where my costumes are the main focus, an expansion I can point people to when they ask questions. I also feel the need to do the occasional rant.
But the people who are interested in me as a person? Who want to read about my life, and who want to interact with me on that level, have mostly moved on. I miss them, and they aren't coming back.
So this blog is probably going to change. For a start, I probably won't be posting daily. Don't worry, sheep lovers, the sheep will still be here on a regular basis. I might start posting up breeds or something, just to keep it interesting. I'll still do the tutorials and the occasional rant I guess. But I think the part where my blog works as a hub for a community to interact with each other is over, and I should accept that and move on. That means stopping putting so much of myself here, because, it's just not worth it any more, from my perspective.
So. Even if you didn't read that up there, please read this. If you're in the habit of scrolling past my posts on your list, please unfriend me. I won't be offended. I'm going to do a friends cut pretty soon, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so if you enjoy my blog but just don't comment much, please let me know. Not that it really matters, my blog is public anyway. But I know the sting of an unexpected unfriending and I don't want to do that to you if I can avoid it.
There you go. Do with that what you will.