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Internalising a complicated situation in my head - Tactical Ninja

Nov. 29th, 2013

11:25 am - Internalising a complicated situation in my head

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On the other side of the world, people are doing weird things to turkeys. Have fun with that, you lot.


When I first started this blog, I was in a new town trying out a new life. I didn't really know anyone, but my brother pointed me at LJ and it had a few names I recognised on it, and I thought maybe it'd be a way to connect and develop a social group.

It worked. A lot of the people I'm now friends with IRL I met through LJ, and it helped us all connect back then and it was awesome.

Things have changed over the years. Most of the people I know IRL don't write here anymore. Or really, write anywhere. But me, that creature of habit, that seeker of stability, that clinger-onto-er of anything that resembles security in a world that I know as well as anyone is unstable and insecure? I'm still here, blogging almost daily.

Only, it's come to the point now where what I'm getting out of it doesn't equal the effort I put in.

I miss those long, rambling conversations. I miss shooting the shit, and I miss the silly pun-strings that used to happen here, where people I know and love would compete to be as silly and ridiculous as possible without ever sacrificing this idea that we're all smart people.

And I have to be realistic. That isn't coming back.

So, what am I left with? Well, there's friending frenzies. They are pretty hit and miss. I've participated in a few, and picked up friends, and that's neat. There are even people here through that effort that I connect with really well. And others that I don't.

Short aside - I struggle with the ettiquette of unfriending. I'm always a bit backfooted when someone takes me off their list, and I don't like doing that to other people. But there are people here who I skim over, and I know there are those who skim over me. There are those who have never commented, and those to whom I struggle to think of anything to say.

And I'm kind of tired of it. It feels like a pretence for the sake of interaction, but the level of interaction I'm getting doesn't feel worth it any more. Comments are important to me, because for me the internet's main purpose is to connect with other people. Comments = connection, it's that simple. And not being able to interact to the extent that I desire is disheartening.

I know people like the sheep posts. I like doing the tutorials, even though they are not really for people here, they are for the people who find them through other places where my costumes are the main focus, an expansion I can point people to when they ask questions. I also feel the need to do the occasional rant.

But the people who are interested in me as a person? Who want to read about my life, and who want to interact with me on that level, have mostly moved on. I miss them, and they aren't coming back.

So this blog is probably going to change. For a start, I probably won't be posting daily. Don't worry, sheep lovers, the sheep will still be here on a regular basis. I might start posting up breeds or something, just to keep it interesting. I'll still do the tutorials and the occasional rant I guess. But I think the part where my blog works as a hub for a community to interact with each other is over, and I should accept that and move on. That means stopping putting so much of myself here, because, it's just not worth it any more, from my perspective.


So. Even if you didn't read that up there, please read this. If you're in the habit of scrolling past my posts on your list, please unfriend me. I won't be offended. I'm going to do a friends cut pretty soon, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so if you enjoy my blog but just don't comment much, please let me know. Not that it really matters, my blog is public anyway. But I know the sting of an unexpected unfriending and I don't want to do that to you if I can avoid it.

There you go. Do with that what you will.

Comments:

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From:t_c_da
Date:November 28th, 2013 10:49 pm (UTC)
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I for one will miss your daily rave/rant/whatever, and was mildly worried at your absence from the intarwebs, but not quite certain whether the absence warranted IRL contact...

this is my second attempt at posting - for some reason my browser decided to play silly bees...
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From:pombagira
Date:November 28th, 2013 11:11 pm (UTC)
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ch ch ch ch changes? seem to be going about but then that is a constant yes.

also **loves**
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From:nick_101
Date:November 28th, 2013 11:11 pm (UTC)
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I'll read whatever you want to write. Your posts are interesting, whether it's sheep or costumes or anything.
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From:girlguitarist
Date:November 28th, 2013 11:15 pm (UTC)
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I feel your pain. I only have three IRL friends left on here but they don't post much. If they did I would probably post more than once a month! I feel like we're not really left with anywhere on the internet to really share ourselves (sure as hell not Facebook) but I'm hoping one day something new will come around.

So just post what you want and don't apologize :) I'm glad the sheep are sticking around, those are my favorite for sure!
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From:tatjna
Date:November 28th, 2013 11:19 pm (UTC)
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Since you're one of the people I miss the most, you'd damn well better.
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From:changeofthemoon
Date:November 28th, 2013 11:25 pm (UTC)
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I agree it's sad that lj is nothing like what it was at its height. I miss the people who have left and not a single one of my IRL friends post anymore. I think I mainly post because it serves the purpose of a journal rather than a means of interaction at this point.
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From:ivonava
Date:November 28th, 2013 11:37 pm (UTC)
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I don't comment often, but I look forward to your posts - sheep, costumes, or comments on the world. I think I'm one of those people who misses the way lj used to be, but is part of the problem because I've stopped posting too. I'll work on it. :)
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From:ecosopher
Date:November 28th, 2013 11:37 pm (UTC)
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It's important for me to talk to you about this but I am just in the middle of lunch-making and dressing children... Back later.
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From:ecosopher
Date:November 29th, 2013 01:09 pm (UTC)
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Ok, here I am. Heh, it only took me 12 hours :D

I have been there, in the sense that I didn't feel as if I were connecting with all the people on my list. I also found that I missed a really major life change to a person I hold dear, and I knew I was missing things, because I just didn't always see everything on my flist (especially if they posted during the night while I was sleeping). So I made a special filter with my most favourite people on it, and if I don't get around to reading everyone, then at least I get around to reading them, you know? I do love keeping up with a whole host of people but I just don't have the time to get as involved with everyone as I used to... I guess this is also one of those periods where real life seems to be demanding a lot of me. That kind of waxes and wanes, so it bugs me that I can't keep up with as much online interaction as I used to be able to, but I also believe that give or take three or four years, and it might change again.

Anyway. This is a long winded comment to say I really understand where you're coming from, and I won't be offended if you take me off your list, but I won't be removing you from mine, because I do like to read, even if I don't always (ok, hardly ever these days) comment. I like the sheep and I like the personal stuff, and I like you.

<3
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From:helianthas
Date:November 28th, 2013 11:40 pm (UTC)
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Ha, I love the personal stuff and scroll past the sheep and costumes! </p>

You can also set up a default view list that omits the people you want to unfriend without offending so you don't have to see them anymore, if you prefer, but I'm guessing it's a larger point than that.

I feel the same way. I miss LJ! Facebook has mostly replaced it, but the interactions are so airbrushed. It feels like an indie zine vs vogue or something. I miss the old LJ!

I admire you for writing so much!

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From:downwardlashes
Date:November 29th, 2013 12:38 am (UTC)
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Aww :( I miss old LJ too. I have a hard time being myself in person, so interactions on lj were often as close as I could get to opening up with people. Facebook really isn't the same.
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From:amaltheia
Date:November 29th, 2013 03:03 am (UTC)
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I know I'm one of those who doesn't post much. :P I do enjoy reading your blog, but if you do feel the need to unfriend me, that's okay! It's your blog. You do what you need to with it. That being said... if you do, I will miss your DA costume updates. Those are SO AWESOME.
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From:ms_hecubus
Date:November 29th, 2013 03:28 am (UTC)
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I find the posts about you most interesting. I mean, the sheep are cute and all, but I'm not in it for sheep.
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From:laoke
Date:November 29th, 2013 03:59 am (UTC)
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You're pretty much the main reason I still check LJ occasionally : )
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From:zhelana
Date:November 29th, 2013 04:28 am (UTC)
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I don't think LJ will ever be the same as it once was, in large part because the kids didn't join in and those of us who have been here forever have gotten older. :/
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From:ecosopher
Date:November 29th, 2013 01:10 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, basically this, too.
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From:dreadbeard
Date:November 29th, 2013 04:55 am (UTC)
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Start a "real" blog, and take your ranting to the world.
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From:blue_eye
Date:November 29th, 2013 05:08 am (UTC)
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I usually read mostly everything you post, but probably don't comment as much as I "should." I have folks I scroll past on my FL, but you're not one of them.

Bottom line is, you have to enjoy LJ or any other similar type of activity, and if you don't enjoy it, you need to make a change.

LJ has changed as Twitter, FB, and other social media outlets have flooded the market.
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From:lunaticbubbles
Date:November 29th, 2013 06:20 am (UTC)
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Knowing that I comment maybe a few times a year, I completely understand if you include me in that cut, and no offense taken. But I still read most of your posts (there are times when I'm away from my computer long enough that playing catch up on my feed is a bit hard), and enjoy a great deal of what you have to say.
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From:crsg
Date:November 29th, 2013 07:30 am (UTC)
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I know I don't comment that often, but I still read almost everything you post here. That said, I won't be offended or otherwise put out in any way if you unfriend me - anime and Japan and such just aren't all that interesting to a lot of people, which is perfectly understandable.
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From:empresskylon
Date:November 29th, 2013 08:06 am (UTC)
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I thoroughly enjoy your blogging but am hopeless on the commenting part.  Totally get where you're coming from though. I shall look forward to your intermittent ramblings :)

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From:meathiel
Date:November 29th, 2013 08:10 am (UTC)
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Comments = connection, it's that simple.

Yep, definitely ...

I'd miss your daily posts, I have to admit. I don't always read the drugs stuff (now, that sounds funny) as I'm not that interested in the subject but I read everything else. Sorry to hear you feel that way.
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From:ghost_light
Date:November 29th, 2013 08:18 am (UTC)
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I read your posts ;)
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From:coyotegoth
Date:November 29th, 2013 08:19 am (UTC)
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Take care either way, Tats.
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From:inspireshine
Date:November 29th, 2013 08:48 am (UTC)
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By all means hold on to me on your list. I don't get to read much of you but that's a matter of time lacking, not lacking interest.
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From:vernacularity
Date:November 29th, 2013 09:23 am (UTC)
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oh yep well i read it. but don't comment much any more, just occasionally. i feel like any time i have is all about the van. even formulating thoughts about another topic is stealing brain time. oftentimes.
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From:vernacularity
Date:November 29th, 2013 09:25 am (UTC)
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incidentally I also have noticed and embraced getting very less personal over time and far more focused on writing about things what happened in a practical sense.
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From:danjite
Date:November 29th, 2013 09:32 am (UTC)
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I'd comment something if I weren't half-asleep.

Actually, that explains a lot- I read LJ at the end of the night, last thing before sleep. Thus, few comments.

Glad for your bloggery, but run the show as you see fit. And hope to see you for bbq'd meat a LOT this summer.
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