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Plague house - Tactical Ninja

Nov. 4th, 2013

08:09 am - Plague house

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We are sick. Both of us. I blame my boss, who came to work one day with the lurgy. We sent him home, but two weeks later, both myself and my colleague came down with it on the same day. And Dr Wheel the following day. Now I am a snot factory and he is heading that way fast.

FEEL SORRY FOR US


I don't get sick very often. In fact, until this year I'd had maybe one bout with tonsilitis and zero colds since 2010. This year I've been sick twice, and they have both been time-off-work level sicknesses.

I'm kind of out of practice, and I don't deal well with being sick at all. Mostly I sigh heavily a lot, and groan out loud in frustration at my inability to breathe. And feel guilty.

I had this conversation with some friends a wee while ago, about how people respond differently to being ill. She said, she mostly feels sorry for herself and walks around expecting sympathy. He said, he spends his time being angry about being sick, and woe betide anyone who crosses him when he's like this. At the time, I couldn't think of how I react to being sick, because it doesn't happen all that often.

However, now is the perfect opportunity to assess this, and it turns out that yep, guilty is how I feel when I'm sick. Should've been a Catholic, they would have loved me.

It seems that I'm not supposed to get sick, and that being unwell is something to feel bad about. Somehow I was weak enough to not just shrug off the germs, and therefore clearly I'm just malingering because if I'd just tried harder I'd be fine. I feel guilty about:

- Not going to work (lazy!)
- Not going to adagio (lazy!)
- Not doing shearing on Saturday (slacker!)
- Basically, anything that being sick prevents me from doing (weak!)

So when I'm sick if I don't do something that I either said I was going to do, or feel like I should be doing, it's not because I can't breathe or my brain's messed up or I don't want to share my bugs. If I really wanted to, I could overcome any of my symptoms and just get on with it by sheer force of will, therefore not doing these things is a form of capitulation that I should bash myself over the head about because I let circumstances beat me. Weak.

I know this is not rational, but there you go. Having a psyche that doesn't like capitulation is useful in a lot of ways, but being ok with being ill is not one of them. Luckily for me, as I've got older I've got better at acknowledging my limitations - and nowadays the culture of workplaces has changed enough so that being sick does not automatically bring accusations of malingering. Unfortunately I still feel as if I'm malingering, even though I know they'd send me home if I went in.

Seriously, I've been going over my routine the last few weeks and wondering if I got sick because I've been a bit slack about eating healthy, or maybe it's because I stopped going to the gym. If I were more disciplined I'd be fine, so clearly I'm a slackarse that deserves to be sick - but not sick enough to stay home from work, because that's lazy.

*headdesk*


On the upside, I'm still able to do repetitive tasks and since right now I'm making chainmail, I am able to assuage my guilt through productivity somehow.

So, oh flist - please make me feel better by telling me I'm not the only one who has a ridiculous response to being sick, and tell me your stories of how you are just as silly. Or someone you know is. Someone? Anyone?

Meanwhile, Aristotal is going again. Sadly, the rescue didn't work. Luckily, I have a lot of cloud backups and only really lost my games. There is also something liberating about a fresh OS install. The previous was only a year old therefore not that messy, but still - OMG empty pictures folder!

And I lost my Dragon Age savegames, which means I'll have to replay my headcanon playthrough. Sounds like the perfect activity for a sick brain ackshully...

Comments:

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From:tyellas
Date:November 3rd, 2013 07:58 pm (UTC)
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I see being sick as a failure, too, and I am also at home, frustrated and sick. (Do you have the throat-full-of-razor-blades feeling? I do!!) I have called in sick to work and cancelled on a barbecue, going to my stepson's prizegiving tonight, and to a "special fan event" for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug tomorrow (I've already given the tickets away). Because - epidemiology. If your boss had stayed home while sick, you might be well now. I don't like it, but thinking about the science reconciles me to my personal quarantine.

I was at a conference a year ago where I chatted to an international security expert and I asked her, "What do we really need to worry about?" She said, immediately, "Pandemics!" Food for thought...
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From:pombagira
Date:November 3rd, 2013 08:50 pm (UTC)
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yeah, nar, you are not the only one

i usally become surly and want to be lone but for someone to bring me tea on demand as is my right.. *coughs*.. i also have visions of waking up in hospital, cause meningitis starts like the flu, and that has kinda stuck with me...

yeah

also 5 more sleeps *bounces about*
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From:pythia
Date:November 3rd, 2013 09:01 pm (UTC)
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"and nowadays the culture of workplaces has changed enough so that being sick does not automatically bring accusations of malingering." Maybe not in your workplace... =/

I get incredibly irritable, frustrated, bored and angry at myself. And yeah, I tend to feel guilty if it stops me doing something I'm meant to be doing.
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From:anna_en_route
Date:November 3rd, 2013 09:02 pm (UTC)
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I hibernate when sick...if I can, I figure nobody wants to be around a sneezing hacking germ factory so I spend long unproductive hours reading on my laptop (and thus I get the guilts...especially since my partner cleans all the things when he is sick).

I'm currently in week three of the cold that will not die and wishing hibernating was still an option.

p.s. the one good result of being sick is that I've now got a semi-good grasp on making ginger lemon and and honey cordial which makes everything in the world better.
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From:nessainwe
Date:November 3rd, 2013 09:17 pm (UTC)
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Well I hope you guys feel better soon ! :)
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From:bekitty
Date:November 3rd, 2013 09:41 pm (UTC)
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I have a chronic pain disorder. When it's really bad, all I can do is lie in bed, take painkillers, and hope like hell that they'll actually work. (Sometimes they don't.)

And while I'm lying in bed, I'm feeling guilty because I can't do any housework, laundry, make the dinner, or deal with any cat-related stuff. Even though I KNOW i'll just make things worse if I try to move. It's like I'm letting down my side of the social contract, you know? :-/
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From:adam_0oo
Date:November 3rd, 2013 10:19 pm (UTC)
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Hope you feel better, and guilt is a great antibiotic.
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From:tarakins42
Date:November 3rd, 2013 10:57 pm (UTC)
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What kind of chainmail do you make? I make chainmail jewelry. Hope you get to feeling better soon!
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From:tatjna
Date:November 4th, 2013 08:01 pm (UTC)
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I would love to see pics of your jewellery!

I am making maille that will eventually be underarm protectors for a medieval style military uniform that I'm making at the moment. It's not authentic - the rings are too fine a gauge to be anything more than very light protection - but it'll look the part.
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From:tarakins42
Date:November 5th, 2013 07:43 am (UTC)
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You can fina a lot of my jewelry under the jewelry tag on my page but here is a link that shows some of what I do

http://tarakins42.livejournal.com/141004.html
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From:subtle_haven
Date:November 4th, 2013 01:16 am (UTC)
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I'm the Feel-Sorry-For-Myself sick person, but only in the extreme situations. I hardly ever get sick, and when I do, it's mostly barely anything, and I soldier on, not letting it stop me from doing ANYTHING. But once in a blue moon I get one of those sicknesses that chains me to bed and clouds my mind, and I've been known to bawl over my poor defenseless self in those cases.
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From:downwardlashes
Date:November 4th, 2013 04:53 am (UTC)
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When I have a cold, I'm very woe is me, bring me everything I want because I'm sick and you need to cater to me, waaaah. Also, leave me alone. But oddly, last year I had to go to the ER for a cyst that caused hemorrhaging and I am apparently a guilty hospital patient. I was all, "I'm sorry I have to pee" and "I'm sorry I passed out when I tried to stand up" and felt bad about simply existing and being in the way.
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From:spotsofcolour
Date:November 4th, 2013 10:51 am (UTC)
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I get super grumpy when I get sick, I'm so ratty about the whole thing. This year though I've been taking days off when previously I would have soldiered on until whatever plague I was carrying totally knobbled me. It's made me much less grumpy, and also made the time off much shorter. Part of the reason I've been doing it is because since I had a really bad chest infection about 6 years ago, I've been prone to getting awful coughs whenever I get a cold. My new tactic seems to have been working (so far, touch wood!) in preventing colds from getting into my lungs and making me coughy and miserable for weeks. Plus, then I'm not so sick I can't at least be slightly productive on my day off.

I do feel guilty though, a reflex from my mum continually saying "There goes your 100% attendance!" whenever I was poorly as a kid. My schools didn't even do 100% attendance certificates, but whatevs.


On the flip side, I absolutely love it when OfficeMate takes time off sick. When he's even slightly snotty he becomes a million times more unpleasant than usual, because he blows his nose like a bugle, then sits and noisily picks it with his hanky in the middle of the office (I didn't know you could even pick your nose noisily), and tells EVERYONE WHO WALKS IN THE OFFICE EVER how sick he is. I had nearly a week and a half without him and it was BLISS.
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From:kehleyr
Date:November 5th, 2013 10:07 pm (UTC)
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I definitely understand what you mean... I feel this myself when I get sick. That I'm lazy if I can't go to work or something. Annoying.
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From:pundigrion
Date:November 8th, 2013 10:03 pm (UTC)
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I've mostly gotten over feeling guilty when sick, but I do get frustrated that I can't do ALL the things!!! I've learned that I really can't do anything than to curl in a ball of woe otherwise I overexert and it takes longer for me to get better.

Now I try to outsmart the illness and see it as a boss that I must beat. That means forcing myself to sleep or at least lay in bed under mounds of blankets while wearing thermals while my body regenerates even though I am itching to DO something. Anything. I purposefully bundle up to increase white blood cell count. I even take my vitamins and drink plenty of slightly ghastly herbal tea and strictly take any tinctures/medicines I am supposed to. The idea is to give my body the absolute best chances for recovery possible so that it will annoy me for the least amount of time possible.

Of course I am quite grouchy by the end if it takes more than a week because I'm really not cool at all with not doing anything most of the time!
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