Plague house - Tactical Ninja
Nov. 4th, 2013
08:09 am - Plague house
We are sick. Both of us. I blame my boss, who came to work one day with the lurgy. We sent him home, but two weeks later, both myself and my colleague came down with it on the same day. And Dr Wheel the following day. Now I am a snot factory and he is heading that way fast.
FEEL SORRY FOR US
I don't get sick very often. In fact, until this year I'd had maybe one bout with tonsilitis and zero colds since 2010. This year I've been sick twice, and they have both been time-off-work level sicknesses.
I'm kind of out of practice, and I don't deal well with being sick at all. Mostly I sigh heavily a lot, and groan out loud in frustration at my inability to breathe. And feel guilty.
I had this conversation with some friends a wee while ago, about how people respond differently to being ill. She said, she mostly feels sorry for herself and walks around expecting sympathy. He said, he spends his time being angry about being sick, and woe betide anyone who crosses him when he's like this. At the time, I couldn't think of how I react to being sick, because it doesn't happen all that often.
However, now is the perfect opportunity to assess this, and it turns out that yep, guilty is how I feel when I'm sick. Should've been a Catholic, they would have loved me.
It seems that I'm not supposed to get sick, and that being unwell is something to feel bad about. Somehow I was weak enough to not just shrug off the germs, and therefore clearly I'm just malingering because if I'd just tried harder I'd be fine. I feel guilty about:
- Not going to work (lazy!)
- Not going to adagio (lazy!)
- Not doing shearing on Saturday (slacker!)
- Basically, anything that being sick prevents me from doing (weak!)
So when I'm sick if I don't do something that I either said I was going to do, or feel like I should be doing, it's not because I can't breathe or my brain's messed up or I don't want to share my bugs. If I really wanted to, I could overcome any of my symptoms and just get on with it by sheer force of will, therefore not doing these things is a form of capitulation that I should bash myself over the head about because I let circumstances beat me. Weak.
I know this is not rational, but there you go. Having a psyche that doesn't like capitulation is useful in a lot of ways, but being ok with being ill is not one of them. Luckily for me, as I've got older I've got better at acknowledging my limitations - and nowadays the culture of workplaces has changed enough so that being sick does not automatically bring accusations of malingering. Unfortunately I still feel as if I'm malingering, even though I know they'd send me home if I went in.
Seriously, I've been going over my routine the last few weeks and wondering if I got sick because I've been a bit slack about eating healthy, or maybe it's because I stopped going to the gym. If I were more disciplined I'd be fine, so clearly I'm a slackarse that deserves to be sick - but not sick enough to stay home from work, because that's lazy.
On the upside, I'm still able to do repetitive tasks and since right now I'm making chainmail, I am able to assuage my guilt through productivity somehow.
So, oh flist - please make me feel better by telling me I'm not the only one who has a ridiculous response to being sick, and tell me your stories of how you are just as silly. Or someone you know is. Someone? Anyone?
Meanwhile, Aristotal is going again. Sadly, the rescue didn't work. Luckily, I have a lot of cloud backups and only really lost my games. There is also something liberating about a fresh OS install. The previous was only a year old therefore not that messy, but still - OMG empty pictures folder!
And I lost my Dragon Age savegames, which means I'll have to replay my headcanon playthrough. Sounds like the perfect activity for a sick brain ackshully...