Oh crap, I committed to something - Tactical Ninja
Jul. 5th, 2013
09:09 am - Oh crap, I committed to something
So. Dry July. Like FebFast, a good idea and the money raised goes to a good cause.
But part of me can't help but cast a jaundiced eye over the idea that giving up your favourite drug for a month is some kind of virtuous pursuit, to be marketed and sponsored and bragged about, when I could get thrown in jail for using my favourite drug even once. Even though mine isn't addictive, has no known deaths associated with it, and doesn't even register in the 'cost to health services' statistics. I could lose my job, in some countries I could have my kid* taken from me, I could be coerced into 'treatment' for my 'problem', and be rendered unemployable. And all the folks who are so proud of themselves for giving up their regular grog habit for a month could pat themselves on the back** for being so restrained and not a loser druggie like me, because the world only accepts one arbitrary method of altering your headstate.
I might be a bit bitter about this, and these self-denial campaigns really bring it out in me. I keep saying "It's for a good cause" and I really do think folks who do it are good people, and probably doing their health the world of good as well. Good on you all. I'd like to think some of you would spare a thought for those of us who don't get to.
Yesterday I emailed the guy back about that article for publication. Yes, I know. It was never in any doubt that I'd say yes, but I sat on it for three weeks while I dragged my head back to reality and convinced myself that I really do want to spend time in the middle of my gap year doing academic writing. It wasn't that easy, y'all! But yeah, I told him yes, and asked a bunch of questions. He emailed me back straight away. The upshot is:
- 4,000 to 7,000 words.
- Fairly well-known Australian sociology publication that doesn't get a lot of articles about drugs
- No timeframe
- Literature review already done
- Standard format (background, methodology, results, discussion)
- I know this stuff like the back of my hand anyway since I did all the interviews and wrote the research summary that's been getting presented.
So he sent me a bunch of stuff, which I have in a neat and tidy folder and which I will read over the weekend to refamiliarise myself with the topic.
Remember how I said this weekend I was going to finish the Magister staff and Cold Blooded? Hey guess what? *sigh*
On the upside though, it seems that if I do this well enough, I will finally get to say stuff about BZP and the implications of prohibition of legal highs (don't tell me that's not currently topical), and have some authority behind it. Which is kind of cool.
On the downside, part of me seems to think I must have forgotten how to do academic writing in the 9 months since I last wrote an essay. Which I know is bullshit, but I seem to have a self-doubt button that gets auto-pushed any time an opportunity presents itself, and tries to talk me out of going for it. I am trying to see it as healthy, in that it makes me work harder and not just do a slaphappy job, because if my own self-doubt is silenced by the quality of my work then it's probably pretty good, right? But right at the beginning, before I've even read the background stuff over to remind myself of how well I know this topic, it mostly just tells me I'm an impostor into academia and this is the bit of work that'll make them find me out.
Shut up brain, you are full of shit.
Meanwhile, rivet is being particularly interesting this week. Following on from the stuff about charm, there was an offhand comment about how people would be if they had been born a different gender. She actually put some thought into this, imagining her family and personality and upbringing, and how that might have turned out had she been born male. It's an interesting thought experiment. My conclusion about myself is that I'm kind of glad I was born female, because I'd probably be one of those awful macho men who was kicked out of school as a teenager and gets in a lot of fights. Or I might be the manager of a large South Island sheep station, because having a Y chromosome would not have made me stupid and might have removed some barriers. Either way, I really like where I am now and I wouldn't have been here, that's pretty certain.
And now I'm imagining all my friends gender-switched. It's .. equal parts amusing and terrifying.
* Ex-kid. I'd like to see anyone try to tell him what to do now. *ahem*
** I'm aware that this group includes some folks on my flist, and I'm also aware that not everyone doing Dry July is that ignorant, but it still blows me away (OK makes me fucking angry) how many people have this attitude and will happily espouse it while chugging on their glass of booze.