I do not need any more new obsessions. Dear brain, take heed. Or… - Tactical Ninja
Jun. 25th, 2013
I do not need any more new obsessions.
Dear brain, take heed.
Seems that cryptic LJ posts are for other people. I posted that up there and immediately started thinking "Yeah but isn't that just trying to manipulate people into wondering what's up, and worrying your friends needlessly? Also, isn't it kind of cheating?"
And I'm all like "Thanks, Oh Cosmic Voice Of Inner Beration, for keeping me on the straight and narrow. No really, thanks."
I'm just.. a bit concerned, I guess. Because a few weeks ago I wrote about how I seem to be getting a gradual encroachment of migraine symptoms that I fear will eventually turn into full-blown migraines like I used to get as a teenager, and how I suspect it's related to perimenopause, and how I have no desire to go through that again.
The other thing I had badly during puberty was OCD. Like, badly enough so my inner life was pretty much centred around trying to alleviate anxiety. The obsession part wasn't so bad - I was obsessed with a variety of things and they were all endlessly fascinating to me and less so to my nearest and dearest - but the compulsion part was frustratingly illogical and anxiety-inducing and the thing that made my folks send me to a psychologist because they knew something was up but I wasn't talking. I deflected continually because nobody but nobody was going to dissect what was going on in my head and it was stupid anyway and I didn't want anyone to think I was stupid so I never admitted what was going on, and eventually my hormones settled down and I got a handle on it by myself.
Yeah nah, don't want to go back there either.
Except that it seems potentially likely, and that bothers me a bit. I'm ok with the current level of obsession, I think, but I fear it getting worse, and I fear that this is inevitable because hormones.
So that was what that was all about. Nothing to see here, move along.