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Just when I thought I'd seen everything.. - Tactical Ninja

Mar. 15th, 2013

09:55 am - Just when I thought I'd seen everything..

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The other day, someone (the YoT denies all knowledge but I'm pretty sure it was him) introduced me to the concept of Swole. I have no idea how it came up and tbh I'm not sure I want to know, but apparently it's a thing. What sort of thing? This sort of thing:


This dude is Swole.



I guess it stems from being 'all swole up' - like a balloon? Like someone who's allergic to kitties?



Ok maybe not. Anyway, it isn't just about having big muscles. Apparently it's a lifestyle. It involves a lot of weight lifting:



And also, diet. I kid you not. Swole.me is a site where you put in how many calories you want to eat over how many meals, and it plans a diet for you. But only if you want to get swole. Does it come with a set of ginsu knives? Apparently not, but it does come with a religion. Yes, you read that right. The Swole have a god, name of Brodin. That's a portmanteau* of Bro and Odin. The Odin of the Bros! How clever!

Turns out that Brodin started as some kind of tongue-in-cheek joke among the Swole, but has gradually taken on a status of his own because the attributes that he's been embodied with are actually inspirational for those seeking to achieve The Ultimate Swole. pombagira take note.

One thing that I think is pretty tongue-in-cheek is the Swole Acceptance subreddit, where the Swole gather and talk about the difficulty of being Swole in a non-Swole world, using such terms as 'weak privilege', and asking about how to deal with sexual harrassment at work:

"Sons of Brodin, I share a tale we all know. Us devout worshipers of the Iron Temple have all experienced this. We go to work and our coworkers eye us, up and down. The females comment on our bodies, perhaps even touching our rippling abdominals or bulging pectorals. They treat us like animals, like objects. But we are MEN. We have feelings and privacy. We crafted these bodies for ourselves, not for others to gaze upon. How do you, my brothers, handle the constant passes, sexual harassment and objectification?"

I'm pretty sure it's satire, but.. um.. like Brodin, I can see it becoming more serious as time goes by. Witness the person who's changed the Lord's Prayer to have a Swole theme:

"Beastly Brodin, who art in the squat rack,
Numerous be thy gains.
Thy reps come
Thy sets be done on the bench
As it is in the squat rack.
Give us this day our daily protein.
And correct us of our improper form,
As we correct them that round their backs among us.
And lead us not into laziness,
But deliver us from plateaus.
For thine is the deadlift,
The power clean and the squat,
For several times a week,
Wheymen.
"


*cough* Yes, well. And then there's the Twitter, @SwollProblems. And, well, there's this:


Video:1:45


If you're now going "What the fuck did I just watch?" Well, you and me both. What is this even. etc.

But really, when hipsters start doing something, you know it's jumped the shark, right?




I think it's safe to say that I'm unlikely to ever be posting to /r/swoleacceptance, just saying.

* I always thought 'portmanteau' meant some kind of fancy suitcase.

Comments:

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From:bekitty
Date:March 14th, 2013 10:00 pm (UTC)
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So apparently "swole" is what used to be called "ripped"... hmm.

Also, "portmanteau" is definitely a suitcase. I think it was Lewis Carroll who used it as a metaphor for word mashups. He described them as "two meanings packed into one suitcase" in Through the Looking Glass. His word "slithy" was one of the first portmanteau words -- it's a combination of "lithe" and "slimy". "Chortle" is another one -- it's "chuckle" and "snort".

Edited at 2013-03-14 10:03 pm (UTC)
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From:ms_hecubus
Date:March 15th, 2013 12:13 am (UTC)
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Supposedly it's because the portmanteau luggage has two compartments.
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From:richaarde
Date:March 14th, 2013 11:18 pm (UTC)
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I think this meme pretty much says it:

http://weknowmemes.com/2012/12/they-said-i-could-be-anything-so-i-became-a-balloon-animal/
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From:friggasmuse
Date:March 14th, 2013 11:33 pm (UTC)
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Lol.

I dated a vegan swole once.
He liked to take videos of himself dead lifting an show them to guests. Once we were already a few seconds into the clip he'd say: "oh yeah, I'm naked in these."

He was trying to become a physicist but spent too much time playing minecraft and nearly flunked out. He's now a locksmith apprentice. He's still swole.
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From:ms_hecubus
Date:March 15th, 2013 12:17 am (UTC)
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Dude wishes he could be as Swole as I was during my first pregnancy.

swollenfeet1
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From:hep
Date:March 15th, 2013 12:21 am (UTC)
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swole and swoleacceptance are also just long trolls, stemming from fitnesscirclejerk.

i know way too much about reddit trolling
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From:tatjna
Date:March 15th, 2013 12:40 am (UTC)
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Well, yes. Entertaining for me briefly, also.
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From:tyellas
Date:March 15th, 2013 03:30 am (UTC)
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Irresistibly reminded of Clive James' description of Arnold Schwarzenegger. "Looking like a brown condom full of walnuts..."
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From:weeweekittie
Date:March 15th, 2013 04:54 pm (UTC)
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MY BRETHREN I HAVE FOUND YOU
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From:pundigrion
Date:March 15th, 2013 07:02 pm (UTC)
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The "swole" thing is mostly a joke among weightlifters, not to be taken seriously. :-)

There is actually a bit larger and slightly more serious way it is used though synonymous with "pumped" or "cut" which is when bodybuilders get their bodyfat very, very low for competition and then try to achieve a look in which you can see pretty much all the surface veins (vascularity is the buzzword there). They also purposely dehydrate themselves right, right before competing and cut out carbs and a few other things.

It is a pretty small subset of the already small subset of Very Serious weight lifters and they are often rather maligned because the rest are pretty convinced that this all sounds pretty unhealthy and just want to lift moar heavy stuff. I have to admit I am kinda with them here. Also, I need to go lift now.
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From:slavezombie
Date:March 17th, 2013 05:29 am (UTC)
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I'm sure you've heard talk about how endowed black men can be down there. I can see how a anybody can fill in the empty spots from a picture like that which you posted. Now let me tell you what I've heard.

I've heard body builders lose what they gain in chiseled muscles their pride and glory of testicular manliness. So, whatever your imaginative foresight might be fantasizing about, the picture of the bodybuilder may indeed have a small little weenie.
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From:adam_0oo
Date:March 18th, 2013 12:40 am (UTC)
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Natalie Portmanteau
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From:tatjna
Date:March 18th, 2013 12:41 am (UTC)
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That is somewhat disturbing.
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