In which I navel gaze less than usual and ramble about cute toes - Tactical Ninja
Feb. 13th, 2013
09:08 am - In which I navel gaze less than usual and ramble about cute toes
Today I was going to write a long and rambly introspective post about why it is that I think being mistaken for someone I admire on a regular basis can be bad for my self-esteem rather than the more logical response of being flattered.
But it's simple really. Take these factors and combine:
1. Most women are trained from a pretty early age to compare/compete with other women. I am no exception. Despite my self-awareness and effort, I still sometimes catch myself doing this comparison. I'm not proud of it, but I am aware of it, and each time it happens it gets easier to set aside. But it still happens. When I'm mistaken for someone else it sets it up to happen.
2. Being the Smart Pommy New Kid in 7 different schools, each of which had its own culturally-accepted way of hazing/ostracising those who were different. Especially fun was the one where the kids would form a 'club', then invite you, then when you turned up hoping to make friends they'd be all "Oh we didn't really mean you" and go off without you to have their fun. Woot! One giant inferiority complex, coming right up! As an adult, again I'm aware of this, but I also sometimes catch myself wondering when this wonderful group of cool kids that form my social group will turn around and abandon me because I'm not good enough. And then I tell myself it's silly, but it still happens sometimes.
Most of the time neither of these things affect me unduly, but in my weak/unwary moments, being mistaken for someone I admire brings on the combination of almost-unconscious comparison and inferiority complex, and adds up to feeling pretty stink about myself for a while. I get over it pretty quickly and it's happening less and less, but it still happens.
I don't actually think I'm that unusual in this.
Last night when Dr Wheel got home, he looked like this:
I think that "What the fuck is that?" is a fair response, and once I stopped laughing, that's exactly what I asked him. So he demonstrated:
Yes, it's a pillow that's designed for sleeping face-down on your desk. It has holes for your hands and one for your face, and it's filled with those little beans which cushion your forehead and chin so you can sleep comfortably in this position.
It's a Kickstarter thing, and it's called an Ostrich Pillow. Also, when it's just sitting on the shelf it looks kind of like an alien. *ahem*
So, following from that, without further ado, here is a list of Five Things I Love About Dr Wheel.
1. He's silly. See above for an example.
2. When he laughs, his shoulders shake like Precious Pup or Muttley.
3. His big toes point up like elf toes and the rest of them curl up like happy cat toes, and the combination is the cutest set of toes ever.
4. He uses words in a way that is a wonderful combination of archaic, intelligent and amusing. I can't explain this in grammatical terms but it gets me every time.
5. He has the courage to put himself forward and ask for what he wants.
None of these things are things that exist in relation to me. These are things that are about him, that I personally find hugely attractive. There are loads of things about Dr Wheel in relation to me that are also awesome, but those things above? Those are purely his things, and that I get to witness them makes me happy. <3
So what's all this slop then? Valentine's Day isn't till tomorrow!
Well, I dunno. Tomorrow is tomorrow, and I thought of this today, brought on by the Ostrich Pillow Incident, and the many other similar incidents that make me go "This man is awesome!" on a regular basis. I don't need to wait till tomorrow to say it, do I?
So, um, what do you think is awesome about someone in your life, that has nothing to do with you?
Also, I'm at the work conference all day today. I'm wearing corporate clothing and trying not to fidget in it. This is harder than you'd think.