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Oops - Tactical Ninja

Dec. 5th, 2012

09:42 am - Oops

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This is really interesting. A scientist studying dopamine has discovered that it appears to be more about motivation than specifically pleasure - which has some interesting implications for research on the use of drugs like cocaine or methamphetamine. Thanks ms_danson for sharing the link.

Meanwhile, last night was the YoT's school ball. Him and two of his friends got all swished up at our house and off they went. Sadly, that's all I have to share - they were coy about pictures but they did look very nice. Oh god I sound like my Mum. But they did! My giant offspring in a suit with a tie and being all.. flash-looking! It was neat. *squish*


Yesterday I reverted to my mince and ice-cream eating habits. In the interest of acknowledging this, I need to admit it to myself and everyone else. So: yesterday I ate 1.2 litres of jelly tip ice cream and 300g of mince. That's a lot of ice cream. And a lot of mince.

There were a few contributing factors to this but I think it's relevant that yesterday is the first time since I've been doing this logging thing that my 'mood' log dropped to the blah line, and today it's dropped below the line.

What I reckon is happening here is that I binged cos I wasn't feeling good, and the fact of having done it makes me feel even less good without taking away the thing that made me feel not-good in the first place. Thus, low mood becomes lower mood.

What it didn't have anything to do with is my normal eating habits. I haven't been hungry, or craving, or weak, tired - any of the things that 'dieters' say they feel. I don't think what I'm doing is dieting particularly, it's more just healthy eating. Until last night.

But what I have identified is that feeling bad makes me want to eat shitty food and lots of it.

"Oh wow Tats, what a revelation!"

I'm sure Freud would have lots to say about that in terms of having a deathwish or whatever, but I'm happy realising the association between low mood and bingeing for me - because my general demeanour is cheerful, so when I get back to feeling good I doubt I'll have any trouble getting back to eating healthy. So instead of berating myself for having a binge, I'm going to work on getting back to feeling like my usual self.

Make sense?


I got another congratulations letter from the University. It was nice. I wish they'd say "Congratulations, here's how you graduate."

Also, the talk was really good. A lot of it was not new information for me, but it was validating to see that some of the experts are thinking about the same things I am, considering the same issues, and coming to the same conclusions. I asked a question. I think I kept the quaver out of my voice - the two people I want to supervise my postgrad were there and I was nervous about feeling silly in front of them. Since when did I care about this?

Who the hell are you and what have you done with Tats?

Comments:

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From:m_danson
Date:December 4th, 2012 08:49 pm (UTC)
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What's mince?
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From:tatjna
Date:December 4th, 2012 08:50 pm (UTC)
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Oh, I think it's called ground beef in the US.

(i don't eat them together)

Edited at 2012-12-04 08:50 pm (UTC)
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From:m_danson
Date:December 4th, 2012 08:53 pm (UTC)
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Ah. Good thing I asked. I would have guessed mincemeat.
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From:tatjna
Date:December 4th, 2012 08:54 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, I think fruit mince is why the USians came up with a new name for meat mince. Us in Kiwiland haven't been that clever. ;-)
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From:downwardlashes
Date:December 5th, 2012 03:31 am (UTC)
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See, I was imagining you buying one of those jars of mince pie filling, not bothering to make a pie, and then sort of a la moding your pie filling. It sounded pretty tasty.
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From:kehleyr
Date:December 4th, 2012 08:52 pm (UTC)
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If I could I'd eliminate the need to feed. Bah.
I have my issues for sure when it comes to eating or not eating or eating when I'm grumpy or whatever the reason behind my weird relationship with food is.
Anyway... I applaud you for wanting to eat better :-)!
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From:tatjna
Date:December 4th, 2012 10:10 pm (UTC)
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Thanks. It's been quite a long road getting this far. ;-)
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From:rivet
Date:December 4th, 2012 09:03 pm (UTC)

kummerspeck

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Another case of german having a handy word for just about everything.

http://www.backofthecerealbox.com/2012/11/the-bacon-of-grief.html

Edited at 2012-12-04 09:04 pm (UTC)
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From:tatjna
Date:December 4th, 2012 09:07 pm (UTC)

Re: kummerspeck

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German is awesome.
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From:goffburd
Date:December 4th, 2012 10:47 pm (UTC)

Re: kummerspeck

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I love how the German language comes up with a handy word for any situation. Arse antlers is still my favourite though!!
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From:pombagira
Date:December 4th, 2012 09:15 pm (UTC)
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its a tough time of year, like something is in the air. december is often shitty rainy windy here in wellington, and i have to say that i have noticed a kinda downturn in how i feel, actually it is kinda up and downish.. *waves hands* cause it is difficult to put into words..

so for me i am avoiding all the news sites, cause quite franky what our govt is currently up to scares the shit out of me in that want to run away and live in a cave with my sewing machines kinda way o.0 also i want to yell very loudly at our PM that he is not a fecken celebrity or a busniness man he should be a statesman.. *gnashes teeth* as you do

some of it is setteling into a new work type thang.. and a whole bunch of it is family obligations and finding a happy balance there.. and the rest is just a werid disquiet that i am finding unsettleing, thus the downturn.. *ponders this*..

also the seasons are changing from spring to summer.. turbulence will ensue and you can find me in my tower sewing wall hangings untill it all balances out... *nods*

err yeah.. randomness

also *hugs*

Edited at 2012-12-04 09:16 pm (UTC)
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From:bekitty
Date:December 4th, 2012 09:26 pm (UTC)
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I've found that when I'm depressed, eating complex-carbohydrate-rich food helps perk me up again. YMMV, though.
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From:goffburd
Date:December 4th, 2012 10:44 pm (UTC)
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I miss mince...veggie mince just isn't the same, though the soya stuff is definitely a lot better than the quorn version!

I wish I felt more motivated to eat healthily. I *know* that it's what is best, but my inner hog just wants to gobble down lots of 'bad' stuff!

I must admit that your general demeanour, as far as I can tell from reading your LJ, always seems to be cheerful, so I hope you get back there soon!
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From:weeweekittie
Date:December 5th, 2012 12:07 am (UTC)
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Are you kidding? I could eat vats of mince. And probably ice cream. And probably sometimes together, depending on the day of the month.

Also, I'm going to make a really controversial sounding statement, but I'm gonna bring y'all back. Wait for it.

Binging is really healthy.

Wait, what? No, it's not! Well, no, it's not. Not if you do it every day... Then that's an eating disorder... But every once in a while, when you're on a calorie restricted or food restricted diet, the extra calorie load will shock your otherwise complacent metabolism. Especially when you've been so good on your diet, never touched a cookie, but you hit a plateau you can't break -- the sudden burst of excess will get your body out of the rut that it's in and get it back on track. Our bodies love to be shaken up.
And, yes, food has emotional involvement. Some people eat for comfort, or when they're excited, or when they're stressed, or when they're bored. It doesn't invalidate or mean anything more than it means: people will eat for emotional reasons.
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From:richaarde
Date:December 5th, 2012 02:10 am (UTC)
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Simple explanation: Your dopamine levels were high, and you stayed on-task and ate an entire tub of ice cream. Stupid neurons.
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From:tatjna
Date:December 5th, 2012 02:13 am (UTC)
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I left a little bit!

(dr wheel ate it)
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From:downwardlashes
Date:December 5th, 2012 03:29 am (UTC)
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Wow. That really explains quite a bit of my depressive behaviors; I don't get sad so much as completely unmotivated. Normal me loves to clean the house and bask in the cleanliness, depressed me would like the house to be clean but can't seem to find the part of my brain that says "Go do it." And it's confusing because depressed me is cheerful, funny, and able to enjoy things just fine. I just can't seem to handle much responsibility. So it makes me feel like there's not actually anything wrong with me and I'm just lazy. :(

I bet your University just likes you so much, they are loathe to let you leave.
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From:pundigrion
Date:December 5th, 2012 03:27 pm (UTC)
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Heh, I had the same mince confusion and was like, "Wow, now that is someone who really, really, loves their pie!" (Trade you for pumpkin!)
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