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I can has independent wealth nao? - Tactical Ninja

Aug. 20th, 2012

09:55 am - I can has independent wealth nao?

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I guess my big news for today is that it's an anniversary of sorts. A year ago today, I gave up smoking. I know this because I had my last cigarette standing outside Wellington airport at 4:30am, on my way to see Dr Wheel in Hong Kong. In February I had one puff on one at an event to see if it did anything for me (it did so I didn't have any more), and I can say with all honesty that other than that I haven't smoked at all. I don't really miss it, but I'm also not particularly noticing any differences in my life because of it, apart from not being self-conscious about how I smell any more.

I'm still glad I did it though.


The internet is a very strange place, full of people saying very strange things. The other day I left a comment on someone's post along the lines of "If we changed the sheets every time we made love, we'd need a lot more sheets." It made sense in context, shut up. Someone replied to that (I thought obviously) jokey comment by informing me that "You don't have to change the sheets every time" followed by a dissertation on ways and means of keeping your sheets clean and details of this person's own sexual hygiene habits.

It made me go O.o and thoroughly squicked me out. And I can't help wonder if it crossed the person's mind that they were responding seriously to a joke, or if they thought this information would be helpful, or what. I am baffled. But I thought better of replying because basically, what could I say to that? "Oh, do you use lavender-scented spray or rose?" *snerk*

Also, I'm probably a bit of a wanker because my first (luckily mostly internal these days) thought was "How the hell could you think anyone who's ever had sex doesn't already know this?"

I hate it when people tell me things I already know as if I'm stupid. I know that's my problem but GRRR anyway.

Anyway...

We have been sampling a little of Wellington On A Plate. We aren't doing the oyster thing because we're both not good with shellfish - but it seems everyone else and not a few dogs are enjoying it. So far we've been to Floriditas and Duke Carvell's. I can't say the set menus are any cheaper than normal dining but they do encourage you to branch out from habitual ordering. Floriditas was good about replacing my complimentary wine with something non-alcoholic, even though they hadn't put any thought into what non-alcoholic drink might go well with the set menu.

Nobody does this. They should. Please make it happen, hospo people.

At Duke's, two separate waitstaff tried to give me the white wine and Dr Wheel the apple juice. I have no idea why people would make this assumption. I suggested he looks too young to drink and he suggested I look like a lush. ;-) Is white wine a woman thing? Is the man more likely to be the sober driver? Again, I am baffled. Anyway, he had gnocchi with blue cheese and it was so well made that I couldn't taste the rancid* in it, and could probably have eaten the whole meal. Their set menu was blue cheese gnocchi or Moroccan lamb with coriander so I had the specialty burger instead, which was.. average. I can make better patties myself. However, it was a nice night out in an enjoyable atmosphere with two guys jamming on acoustic guitars, and 5 minutes' walk from home. I think we have one more weekend where we can do this before the food festival's over. Recommendations of where we should try welcome.

* Supertaster. All of the smelly cheeses taste like rancid to me.


Last night we watched Bridesmaids. I'm not sure what to make of it. It passed the Bechdel test which was nice. Some of the moments were genuinely funny but it struck me as cringe humour, US-style. Kind of like Boy, Eagle vs Shark and Flight of the Conchords are cringe humour, Kiwi style. Would I be right? Bits of it made me cringe. I did like Megan though, she was made out of awesome. And I laughed a lot at the expression humour (loves me some slapstick too).

Meanwhile, I've put Mass Effect 2 aside for the time being. I know it's a good game but I'm just not getting into it. Partly because I prefer shooting fireballs to guns and I'm not really into the soldier thing, but partly because I'm still on a DA kick and maybe I just need to get over that. So I'm metagaming the series to create the perfect import for DA3. Don't judge me - it makes a difference right from moral decision one and flying my FREE ALL THE MAGES flag will alter several of the outcomes. Also: fireballs. Shut up.

[edit] Yeah so Happy told me I need more internet GRR. I did not expect Helen Mirren to be the one supplying it. I used to respect her.

Comments:

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From:tatjna
Date:August 19th, 2012 10:17 pm (UTC)
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I have been informed that my scars are cultural appropriation as well, because white people never scarred themselves historically for any reason whatsoever.

To which I go "Bollocks!"

Frankly, I'm not qualified to have the dreadlock discussion in terms of who should and shouldn't do what because I don't know enough about any of the cultures involved, but suggesting banning white people from having dreadlocks or shaving parts of their heads seems an extremist viewpoint that I'm more likely to laugh at than GRR at.

Although, you could start calling your haircut an extreme mohawk that slipped a little, and see what happens.
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From:ferrouswheel
Date:August 19th, 2012 10:29 pm (UTC)
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Trump card: everything is cultural appropriation from our ancestors.
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From:tatjna
Date:August 19th, 2012 10:33 pm (UTC)
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Foil: whose ancestors?

Disclaimer: I've seen these discussions over and over and over again on the internet (including the dreadlock one), and what normally happens is that someone ends up calling someone else a racist and then it degenerates to irreconcilable point-scoring from the polarised trenches. I'd kind of like to avoid that here if I can.

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From:tatjna
Date:August 20th, 2012 12:11 am (UTC)
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Neurotypical? Does such a thing even exist?

*cough*

Anyway, yes. Identity politics have their place, but unfortunately online discussion tends to bring out their worst aspects while losing their best. This tends to end up leaving positive contributions to addressing issues by the wayside in a charging rush to decide who has the right to speak.

Unfortunately, once that's happened everyone stops listening - not just the privileged either.

I have no solutions, except trying my best not to be a dick on the internet, and trying to see when I'm wrong. Sadly, some folks out there have a different perspective on what 'wrong' actually means, and *loop back to the identity politics*

Which is why I stay out of the dreadlock debate. I don't want dreadlocks myself and I don't care what other people do with their hair, thus those who do care can scrap it out without me.
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From:tatjna
Date:August 20th, 2012 12:59 am (UTC)
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I was going to say wanker but I've already used that today.

And no, I am not going to let you of all people go WHATABOUTHEMENZ on me. As insults go, dick doesn't rank. Sorry about that.
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From:tatjna
Date:August 20th, 2012 01:28 am (UTC)
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I am surprised we are discussing this again so soon.

I specifically refer you to my first reply to you.

Or were you asking why I won't let you specifically do it? Because I want to keep respecting you as much as I do now.
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From:tatjna
Date:August 20th, 2012 01:46 am (UTC)
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Now here's an interesting thing. Part of me is wondering if you're deliberately trolling me to try and make some point about how the people telling you dreadlocks on white people are cultural appropriation are going about it all wrong, by putting me in their position so you can argue with me instead of them, and be right and justified and whatever else will make you feel good.

Part of me is wondering if you just think I don't already have enough GRR in my life.

Part of me would like to have a good old knock-down slap-it-out verbal stoush with you.

But I don't want to have it over whether saying 'dick' is misandrous or not. You know I think it isn't. I never said it was ok to use it as an insult, but your little tanty the other month about my using it made me think a lot harder about how I use it, and oddly enough I decided that when it comes to insults you can call people, it's right up there with 'wanker'. It's mild and, well.. doesn't rank. And I continue to use it occasionally. Every time I do, I think about our conversation and I make a decision about whether to use it this time.

So if you want to call me out every time I use it and accuse me of being misandrist, feel free. I will probably stop saying it eventually, just to avoid this kind of discussion, but I will also lose respect for you because I know you aren't oppressed by it and are only doing it to prove some kind of point. Especially because you use it yourself, regularly, in front of me and other people (men) who are far more likely to be insulted by it than you or me are.

Um, so if you were trying to wind me up, you succeeded. You should probably go tell the dreadlock people now.
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From:tatjna
Date:August 20th, 2012 06:11 am (UTC)
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Well, I hope you had fun making your point that I already understood and agreed with. Perhaps I might suggest making it to the people who need to hear it next time?

Maybe you just picked the wrong day.

[edit] Actually no, you didn't pick the wrong day. I am uncomfortable with indirectness because it feels like manipulation, and manipulation just makes me angry. Maybe you didn't know what your point was going to be when you started this, but next time can we clarify that up front? Because I'm not the right person to play 'I'll needle you till you argue with me then I'll know what my point is' with.

Edited at 2012-08-20 06:15 am (UTC)
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From:ferrouswheel
Date:August 20th, 2012 01:42 am (UTC)
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That's only because it's culturally normalised.

The same as wanker being an insult and which feeds into society's dictum that pleasure is to be earned and validated.

None of our symbols are static. One day "politician" might be an epithet.

But to apologise to someone and tell them that a symbol does not rank as an insult, that's making an assumption about someone else's feelings and associations. Only they can decide how they feel about it, and that feeling will no doubt be influenced by the context the insult is used.

Why should we pretend there is a ranking of insults and that we must all agree on it?
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From:tatjna
Date:August 20th, 2012 01:55 am (UTC)
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Yes, I am assuming that Happy's feelings and associations are not actually hurt by my using 'dick' as a mild insult. This is an educated assumption based on previous interactions with him about the words 'dick' and 'pussy' and him stating quite clearly that he was going to claim 'dick' is a misandrist insult in order to prove a point.

He is, of course, free to do that. As I am free to continue treating the use of the word 'dick' the same way he actually treats it in real life.
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From:ferrouswheel
Date:August 20th, 2012 01:44 am (UTC)
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That presumes we have ownership of our ancestors, which runs up against Kant's second formulation of the categorical imperative: that each person is an end in to themselves.
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From:ferrouswheel
Date:August 20th, 2012 01:47 am (UTC)
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actually I got that somewhat wrong:

"Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never merely as a means to an end, but always at the same time as an end."

Which doesn't really apply here, but I always have trouble remembering the exact wording ;p
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From:bekitty
Date:August 19th, 2012 10:19 pm (UTC)
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Did you get one of the apple juices at Floridita's? I'm quite fond of the Braeburn or the Granny Smith, as they're not too sweet.

I've heard good things about the dessert at Arbitrageur. It's a chocolate and noisette dacquoise, made with Whittaker's chocolate.

Unfortunately, it's a wine bar, so they might have a problem swapping the wine for a non-alcoholic drink.
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From:tatjna
Date:August 19th, 2012 10:21 pm (UTC)
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I got all of the apple juices in the end. They had three and I tried one with each course. They were all good, but the best application of non-alcoholic beverages to meals I've seen was at Citron (when we decided to be hoipolloi for the night), which sadly isn't around any more.
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From:raincitygirl
Date:August 19th, 2012 11:17 pm (UTC)
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Good for you on quitting smoking and sticking to it. As for Dame Helen, there are no words.
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From:tatjna
Date:August 20th, 2012 12:15 am (UTC)
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I know right? Oh Dame Helen, why?

Also, thanks! ;-)
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From:t_c_da
Date:August 20th, 2012 04:20 am (UTC)
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I can see where Helen Mirren is coming from (not that I think she is right, note) as I grew up at about the same time as her, and the morality of those days is deeply ingrained in me, much as I try to change it. Sometimes it escapes unintentionally, as I suspect it has in Helen Mirren's case, despite all my efforts to keep it inside my own head and under control...
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From:ms_hecubus
Date:August 20th, 2012 03:05 am (UTC)
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WTF, Helen Miren? I remember fooling around with a boy during a party at my friend's house. We ended up in my friend's bed, in nothing but our underpants and when I said I didn't want intercourse he replied, "We won't do anything you don't want to do." If a 15 year old boy can get it why in the world can't a seemingly intelligent, adult woman?
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From:bekitty
Date:August 20th, 2012 05:38 am (UTC)
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The article re: Helen Mirren is dated from September 2008. I only hope her views have changed since then.
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From:pixiebelle
Date:August 20th, 2012 04:17 pm (UTC)
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Congrats on quitting smoking! I've never smoked myself, but I've had loved ones who've tried to quit and I know it's not easy.

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From:goffburd
Date:August 21st, 2012 01:08 pm (UTC)
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I'm surprised at Helen Mirren - one of the last people I'd expect that from.

I must admit that I hated Bridesmaids with a vengeance - I'm not a great one for shit/puke humour. I'm definitely getting old(er).

Happy non-smoking anniversary!
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From:labelleizzy
Date:August 21st, 2012 08:36 pm (UTC)
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a) congrats on quitting smoking, my former mother in law said quitting drinking was nothing compared to it!

b) yeah, sorry about that friend of mine. she's just Sort Of Like That all the time. (shrug)
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From:tatjna
Date:August 21st, 2012 08:39 pm (UTC)
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Thanks! ;-D I didn't find it all that hard because I changed a whole lot of stuff at the same time and since for me it was mostly the habit, all the change broke the pattern for me and it was pretty easy.

Also, no need to apologise, it takes all sorts to make an internet. Mostly I'm proud of myself for not automatically snarking back the way I would have a couple of years ago.
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