Freedom - so close I can taste it. - Tactical Ninja
Jun. 5th, 2012
09:48 am - Freedom - so close I can taste it.
I did it! The final assessment for the drugs course is handed in. I would call it workmanlike without being outstanding - it's really hard to be outstanding with a critical analysis of an issue in 150 words, just saying. And I probably won't get my mark for over a month, since they never seem to put up results till all the exams are over. Which kind of sucks if you do a course with no exam, that finishes before exams start.
Anyway, I am now intellectually free for the next 6 weeks, and the next course I do will be the last one, then I can call myself Educated. OMG. Coincidentally, my replacement copy of the DA:O expansion pack arrived this morning (the first one, which the YoT bought me for my birthday, had been stomped on in transit), and I have a copy of Mass Effect (the first one, cos I'm that awesome), as yet unplayed.
Like, before I decided to get educated?
This business of studying while working full time has eaten my life in ways I never expected. Like, realistically there's only one lot of readings (about 2 hours) a week, a couple of lectures that usually take place during working hours, and then the various assignments, which I admit I probably put more time and effort into than someone who is studying full time and has other things on their plate as well.
But it takes over my head, and hangs over me in a way that prevents me from doing other things. I feel guilty about gaming if I should be reading up on the politics of heroin or whatever, and I don't want to take on board any extra commitments because of how I really ought to be studying instead.
Note here that I still seem to have ended up doing primary research for the BZP study, and circus classes and whatnot, but it's a lot less than I'd normally take on. I originally thought it was because Mum was sick that I started dropping the stuff of my life, but as it turns out, it was probably more about the study.
After 5 years of this, I feel as though I've almost forgotten what it's like to be free to go "YES" to everything.
However, I think I need to get back into the habit. On Saturday night I was asked by the organiser if I would be going to this: Under the Spinfluence, a Wellington-based gathering of circus performers, hobbyists and various spinners of toys. I was noncommittal at the time, because DEGREE! But I looked it up and it's only three days and surely I can fit that in - if it doesn't fall on a weekend where I have to write an essay. I've already scrapped the idea of going to OzBurn this year because they've made the dates fall splat in the middle of the semester, and it would cause me to miss at least four lectures in a row, and I can't afford to do that.
So Under the Spinfluence it is. Maybe.
Oh boy am I looking forward to when it'll be "OH HELL YES" without reservation.
Today I am looking at how to go about actually graduating, and who is best to talk to about what to do next. Don't get me wrong, I really want some time off studying to be irresponsible and do other things and get over being sick of it, but I know already that I'll go back because I have something I need to do and academia is where that something can happen. Meanwhile, I've decided I want to go to the graduation ceremony. I'm the first in my family to get a degree, and Mum and Dad would have been there with bells on to be all proud n shit, so I'm going to do it for them - and for the people who've listened to my ranting over the years. First and last chance to point and laugh at me in a silly hat guys! PS I want a picture that I can point at and go "WE'VE GOT QUALIFICATIONS!"
Meanwhile, I feel another ridiculous tutu coming on. That I might actually have time to make.