Big fat trigger warning for rape stuff - Tactical Ninja
Jul. 6th, 2011
12:23 pm - Big fat trigger warning for rape stuff
OK so this is weird. It's an article about a journalist who helped a woman who had been raped in Haiti, and who consequently suffered PTSD symptoms. She staged her own rape in order to get over the PTSD in a technique known as 'mastery'.
She staged her own rape.
SHE STAGED HER OWN RAPE.
Yep, she got a trusted friend to violently sexually abuse her, and wrote about the experience, as a way of facing her demons which had come about through the witnessing of violent sexual abuse towards others.
Bully for her. I'm not about to judge her for choosing to do this - I can definitely see how it might be helpful to experience something like this and survive it after having imagined it as something you don't survive. I'm sure she feels strong and powerful now.
But rape? Nope. This is rape fantasy fulfilment. Violent consensual sex. BDSM if you will.
She chose for this to happen. She could have stopped it at any time. She did not have to decide whether or not to go to the police, or wonder whether what happened to her even qualified as rape, or face the 'but what were you wearing' victim-blaming questions. She knew she had consented and she knew that if she withdrew consent it would stop. The fact that she chose to continue it is a testament to her determination, I guess.
But she CHOSE IT.
Rape is not about choice and this journalist has not experienced rape. She has had a trust-building experience in which her consent and the knowledge that it would be adhered to was the pivotal factor - while the experience simulated complete helplessness, she was the one in control the entire time. This is one of the things about kink that some people have trouble getting their heads around - even with extreme edge play, it's play - it's entered into by negotiation and agreement, there is (or should be) a safe word, and when one person says stop, it stops. Being able to stop an edgy/risky/dangerous/scary experience through nothing but the assertion of one's desire to stop is a powerful thing. I can say with conviction that engaging in kink has helped my own rape-related PTSD tremendously. It builds trust instead of destroying it. It empowers rather than enforcing helplessness. And it heals even if it hurts.
In other words, it is not rape.
I don't know why I felt the need to say this, it's not as if you lot don't already know. But it's important. It's important to the question of why anyone who's been raped would be interested in kink, which is a question I've been asked before. It's also important because it seems the Daily Fail is selling the journalist's experience as a rape experience, and it's not. I wonder what the woman in Haiti, the one who was told it was her own fault after being stitched up, would think of this presentation?
Like I said, I'm not judging the journalist for her choices, and I admire her fortitude in writing about her experience.
But it's not rape.
Gosh, that got heavy. Here, have some ponies: