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Playing my part in security theatre - Tactical Ninja

Jun. 22nd, 2011

10:17 am - Playing my part in security theatre

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OK so it's past the solstice. Also, The Kid turned 16 yesterday. Golly. To celebrate, work flew me to Auckland to participate in a forum about steel framing. It was riveting.

See what I did there?


I'm not at my best in the mornings*, and I also have an attitude problem regarding abritrarily eating the shit that arises from pointless authoritarianism. In combination, these two things led to most of the trouble I got into at school and most of the explosions that I've later been embarrassed about.

Here follows my interaction with Scanner Lady at the airport:

Me: *walks through metal detector*
Metal Detector: *beep beep*
Me: *walks over to Scanner Lady, assumes position* "It's my boots."
SL: *runs scanner over front, stands up*
Me: *turns around so she can do my back*
SL: "I haven't finished, turn back around." *tries to turn me using end of scanner thing*
Me: *is a bit befuddled at change to standard routine, responds slowly*
SL "TURN AROUND"
Me: *turns around* "It's my boots."
SL "I have to do this, just do what you're told."
Me: "It's always my boots."

SL finishes her scan, discovers that yes, it is indeed my boots, I walk away and grab my gear off the belt. As I leave I hear her muttering aloud "something something something ATTITUDE!"

What I thought:

WHY YES I DO HAVE AN ATTITUDE BECAUSE IT'S 6AM AND I GOT UP AT 4:30AM TO GET ON THIS FLIGHT SO I CAN GO BE LECTURED ABOUT STEEL FRAMING ALL DAY. IT'S MY KID'S BIRTHDAY AND I HAD TO WAKE HIM UP AT 5:30AM SO THAT I COULD GIVE HIM HIS PRESENT. I HAVEN'T HAD COFFEE AND EVERY TIME I GO THROUGH THAT MACHINE IT BEEPS AND I GET SCANNED AND IT'S ALWAYS MY BOOTS AND I'M NOT A FUCKING TERRORIST, I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING WEAPONS ON ME, WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF TERRORIST WOULD BE ON THE REDEYE TO AUCKLAND ANYWAY? AND I DON'T ENJOY BEING PRODDED BY YOUR STICK BECAUSE I'M NOT YET AWAKE ENOUGH TO NOTICE THAT YOUR ROUTINE IS DIFFERENT FROM THE THIRTY FIVE OTHER TIMES THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN THE LAST THIRTY FIVE FLIGHTS AND SO I COOPERATED TOO FAST FOR YOU IN MY ATTEMPT TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR FUCKING SECURITY THEATRE! AND IT WAS MY FUCKING BOOTS!

What I said:

*plaintive* "It's six o'clock in the morning." Then I walked off.

I count this as an improvement.


On Monday I successfully maintained a handstand in the proper position. Nyah. I also learned how to pick someone up and sling them over my shoulder. I figure with a bit of practice it will even be graceful. So now I know I can lift about 60kg to my shoulder reasonably easily and as I get stronger I suspect that figure will increase. One of the joys of being me is that I'm little enough to be the flyer but strong enough to be the base - at least with some people *side-eyes Dr Wheel and Happy* - which means that I get to learn both sides of Adagio. And one of the ladies there is a contortionist, and occasionally we play Bendy Games. I am Not So Bendy Ackshully. Well, I am, but not in the hamstrings/inner thigh area. Shearing has put paid to that. Everything else is super bendy to compensate. Anyway, much rolling around on the floor and giggling ensues.

I like Adagio. I wish I'd started sooner - the combination of balance and strength is exactly what my body wants to do.

I'm having a second look at that apartment today. Gosh.


* My brain does a forced reboot every night and the OS takes a while to become functional when it loads. Too many things running on startup means it crashes.

Comments:

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From:richdrich
Date:June 21st, 2011 10:28 pm (UTC)
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By Adagio, you don't mean the Tiesto track?


Also, I've always found NZ security people ok. If a bit personal:
Security person: 'ooo your ties not straight, you can't go off to work like that' (straightens tie)
I don't think TSA would do that sort of thing..
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From:tatjna
Date:June 21st, 2011 10:30 pm (UTC)
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Yes, we do all our moves and then stand up in I Am Tiesto Worship Me position and are disappointed when it isn't followed by a bassline and lasers.

Yes, NZ security people are generally pretty good, and any other time of day it probably wouldn't bother me.
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From:bekitty
Date:June 21st, 2011 10:34 pm (UTC)
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TSA would be more like "your tie's not straight, YOU MUST BE A TERRORIST!!1!1" and they'd then proceed to give you an "enhanced pat-down". And they'd get you to take off your boots so they can check them for explosives.

Silly TSA. Everyone knows that the REAL terrorists keep their explosives in their socks, not their shoes.
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From:rivet
Date:June 21st, 2011 10:30 pm (UTC)
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thank you for the entertainment :)
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From:polychrome_baby
Date:June 21st, 2011 10:52 pm (UTC)
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Yeah. I pretty much would have lost my shit.

I don't play well with authority, and the current TSA bullshit has me foamingly angry. So, I've basically sworn off flying until I can get myself to not fly off the handle and be verbally abrasive to the point of flesh melting to a jackass doing their jackass fucking insane fascist job.

Crap. More work to do there, I see.
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From:polychrome_baby
Date:June 21st, 2011 10:53 pm (UTC)
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Oh, and happy birthday to your spawn.
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From:tatjna
Date:June 21st, 2011 11:04 pm (UTC)
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I am inordinately pleased with myself that I didn't lose my shit. But it was THIS CLOSE. I'm avoiding the USA altogether, and know other people who are paying more for flights just to avoid having to go through the USA - because of the TSA.

Because tourists from New Zealand who just got off a 12 hour flight are so totally carrying toenail clippers to hijack planes with.
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From:caycos
Date:June 22nd, 2011 04:42 am (UTC)
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My partner flies to the UK a few times a year and insists on flying via Asia exactly because of TSA bullshit.
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From:ehintz
Date:June 23rd, 2011 12:02 am (UTC)
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Since I already have the citizenship, I'll transit the US (hell, I want to stop there for a layover). But were that not so, I'd be in that number routing myself away from my idiot friends in Homeland Security. Since I have the citizenship they have marginally less control over me (like, they can't arbitrarily deny me entry).
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From:rantydave
Date:June 21st, 2011 10:56 pm (UTC)
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They're stupid people with a boring job they have to go to and nothing in life other than what they see on the TV and want. While your view on life as something big and awesome and to be played with is not unique, you're certainly in the minority so please have a little pity for the authoritarian serfs - they don't mean to be that way, they just don't know any better.

Also, I wanted to live in that apartment but Rachel said it wasn't big enough for a family of four (true) and that it didn't have sufficient light to make her happy. But Little Havana Street is sufficiently awesome in concept at least that I am jealous of even the possibility.
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From:tatjna
Date:June 21st, 2011 11:03 pm (UTC)
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I have no idea about Security Lady's other life. She may well have had to get up at 4:30am on her kid's birthday to be there doing her job too - which is why I'm quite proud not to have torn a strip off her (at least out loud).

I like that the apartment has good light in the living areas. Bedrooms I mostly just sleep in so for that it's warmth and non-dampness I care about. I'll be picking the eyes out of it today though, to be sure I like it enough to make an offer.
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From:t_c_da
Date:June 21st, 2011 11:35 pm (UTC)
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Ah, this may explain the added brevity at the Auckland end of that trip...

I hope The Kid had a good day despite the early wake-up call.

I too got up at 4:30am to make the flight, with the added goodness of $Wife accompanying me to return the transport unit to home base.
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From:tatjna
Date:June 21st, 2011 11:39 pm (UTC)
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$Wife is a saint.

The added brevity was because the person I was with was charging off at a rate of knots to catch our ride, who was apparently illegally parked. Her least consideration was whether or not I had time to chat with someone I know.

Why yes, I did resent this trip a little, can you tell?
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From:t_c_da
Date:June 22nd, 2011 08:39 pm (UTC)
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$Wife is also a realist - my company will pay me ~$80 if I drive to the airport & home again instead of paying a taxi $120 for the same trip. Having just emptied the wallet on a new set of wheels, every $ counts!

If $Wife is working, I drive in and park over by the school, and she catches a Flyer after work and collects the car then.

And yes, I did notice your understandable lack of enthusiasm at that hour of the day...

I take the positive view and look at the commute while I'm up there - crossing the four lanes of rush hour traffic on Greenlane West beats sitting on a bus for an hour hands down, and I can spend longer in the shower and still be early for work despite getting up an hour (or more) later than usual...
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