Playing my part in security theatre - Tactical Ninja
Jun. 22nd, 2011
10:17 am - Playing my part in security theatre
OK so it's past the solstice. Also, The Kid turned 16 yesterday. Golly. To celebrate, work flew me to Auckland to participate in a forum about steel framing. It was riveting.
See what I did there?
I'm not at my best in the mornings*, and I also have an attitude problem regarding abritrarily eating the shit that arises from pointless authoritarianism. In combination, these two things led to most of the trouble I got into at school and most of the explosions that I've later been embarrassed about.
Here follows my interaction with Scanner Lady at the airport:
Me: *walks through metal detector*
Metal Detector: *beep beep*
Me: *walks over to Scanner Lady, assumes position* "It's my boots."
SL: *runs scanner over front, stands up*
Me: *turns around so she can do my back*
SL: "I haven't finished, turn back around." *tries to turn me using end of scanner thing*
Me: *is a bit befuddled at change to standard routine, responds slowly*
SL "TURN AROUND"
Me: *turns around* "It's my boots."
SL "I have to do this, just do what you're told."
Me: "It's always my boots."
SL finishes her scan, discovers that yes, it is indeed my boots, I walk away and grab my gear off the belt. As I leave I hear her muttering aloud "something something something ATTITUDE!"
What I thought:
WHY YES I DO HAVE AN ATTITUDE BECAUSE IT'S 6AM AND I GOT UP AT 4:30AM TO GET ON THIS FLIGHT SO I CAN GO BE LECTURED ABOUT STEEL FRAMING ALL DAY. IT'S MY KID'S BIRTHDAY AND I HAD TO WAKE HIM UP AT 5:30AM SO THAT I COULD GIVE HIM HIS PRESENT. I HAVEN'T HAD COFFEE AND EVERY TIME I GO THROUGH THAT MACHINE IT BEEPS AND I GET SCANNED AND IT'S ALWAYS MY BOOTS AND I'M NOT A FUCKING TERRORIST, I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING WEAPONS ON ME, WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF TERRORIST WOULD BE ON THE REDEYE TO AUCKLAND ANYWAY? AND I DON'T ENJOY BEING PRODDED BY YOUR STICK BECAUSE I'M NOT YET AWAKE ENOUGH TO NOTICE THAT YOUR ROUTINE IS DIFFERENT FROM THE THIRTY FIVE OTHER TIMES THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN THE LAST THIRTY FIVE FLIGHTS AND SO I COOPERATED TOO FAST FOR YOU IN MY ATTEMPT TO BE SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR FUCKING SECURITY THEATRE! AND IT WAS MY FUCKING BOOTS!
What I said:
*plaintive* "It's six o'clock in the morning." Then I walked off.
I count this as an improvement.
On Monday I successfully maintained a handstand in the proper position. Nyah. I also learned how to pick someone up and sling them over my shoulder. I figure with a bit of practice it will even be graceful. So now I know I can lift about 60kg to my shoulder reasonably easily and as I get stronger I suspect that figure will increase. One of the joys of being me is that I'm little enough to be the flyer but strong enough to be the base - at least with some people *side-eyes Dr Wheel and Happy* - which means that I get to learn both sides of Adagio. And one of the ladies there is a contortionist, and occasionally we play Bendy Games. I am Not So Bendy Ackshully. Well, I am, but not in the hamstrings/inner thigh area. Shearing has put paid to that. Everything else is super bendy to compensate. Anyway, much rolling around on the floor and giggling ensues.
I like Adagio. I wish I'd started sooner - the combination of balance and strength is exactly what my body wants to do.
I'm having a second look at that apartment today. Gosh.
* My brain does a forced reboot every night and the OS takes a while to become functional when it loads. Too many things running on startup means it crashes.