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In which I enquire as to your pr0n surfing habits - Tactical Ninja

Nov. 12th, 2010

10:22 am - In which I enquire as to your pr0n surfing habits

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Last night we did cooking. Big woop, I hear you say. But 'we' meant 'all of us' and 'cooking' meant 'going to a cooking class'. It was kind of a do things as a family deal, and I admit my enthusiasm was lukewarm because cooking = not really my thing.

However, this was fun. We made tangy tamarind chicken with fried rice and it was good, and because I made it myself it didn't have coriander in it *rants about coriander*. I also like wok cooking more than boil-in-five-different-pots cooking, and I liked the setup where your bench was in the middle and a couple of gas hobs at each end. Made things much easier than having the whole lot in one place.

So yeah, that was kind of cool. I'd definitely do it again. Also, I learned stuff about rice and woks and how to stop stuff sticking to them.


I'm finding myself amazed how many parents do what I'd consider to be over-supervision of their kids' internet use. Stuff like insisting on knowing passwords, having internet-capable computers in sight of the rest of the household, even down to installing keyloggers and checking what their kid has said/done on the net.

I'm not one of these parents. I used to supervise The Kid on the internet when he was younger, but at 15 I give him open slather. I figure it this way: being a digital native he's probably learned to keep himself safe, and I know they also teach this stuff in school now. I don't care if he looks at porn, in fact I'd be kind of surprised if he didn't, what with being a teenager and all. We're Facebook friends and while I hardly ever use Facebook, he uses it a fair bit and the other day when I saw a witty comment by him, I looked at some of his pages and was pleasantly surprised at both the level of conversations he's having, and at the way he conducts himself in social forums. Additionally, chances are that most kids learn how to circumvent parental filters and keyloggers, and use proxies and the like pretty early on. I mean, it's no secret that most of the kids know how to get around the school's internet filter. And changing a password is, well.. child's play.

The bottom line is, I trust my kid, and I'm ok with him satisfying his curiosity by looking at things like TwoGirlsOneCup if he hears about it. Because I did. It didn't traumatise me and I'm not a psychopath - I just sort of went "Ew, oh well, now I know *shrug*". I'd be worried if he were obsessively looking at really weird shit, but I'm pretty sure that after 15 years if he were a disturbed person, signs of it would have shown up by now, you know? I did have to point out to him that sending links to TwoGuysOneHorse to all his friends was probably a bad idea and why, but the reason I knew he had looked at this was because he told me. He didn't sneak up to it behind my back, because I'm not going to nail his arse to the wall over what he looks at on the internet. Thus, he was able to get parental guidance and save himself potential trouble.

So I'm not sure what parents have to worry about with their kids on the internet. Is it what they might see? To which I go "Ok, up to a certain age, but after that you have to trust that they can deal with what they are seeing if you've done your job." Is it what they might do? Who they might talk to?

So I'm wondering, for those of you who were teenagers with internet (this is obviously not me, but I know some of you grew up with it):

1. What sort of limitations did your folks place on your internet use?
2. Were they effective at a) keeping you safe from The Evuls Of Teh Webz, b) limiting what you looked at, c) regulating your behaviour on the net?
3. If your folks did place limitations, did you circumvent them and do what you wanted anyway?

Am I failing as a parent by allowing my son to explore the internet on his own? I strongly believe I am doing the right thing, but I'm curious what the value of net limitation is from those who have been subject to it, who are now adults. How did this affect you as a teenager?


Tell me all your teenage secret web stuff, oh flist!

Tonight I'll be at Fidels briefly, but may go home a bit early because I want to do some mixing.

DJTRIPSOVERALLTHECABLES!

feel free to wave your hands in the air like you just don't care

Comments:

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From:tyellas
Date:November 11th, 2010 09:44 pm (UTC)
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When I was a youngster...we didn't HAVE the Internet...we had to figure out which ones were the dirty books in the library, how to look up "Paraphilias" in the Encyclopedia Brittanica, and how to look over 18 when we went to the gay/lesbian bookstore to buy "On Our Backs." I feel so old just typing all of that - encyclopedias!

My mom, incidentally, never stopped me taking anything out of the library, and upon discovering my teenage radical lesbian porn stash, did nothing but straighten up the stack of magazines.

I was embarrassed because I knew I'd been busted, but also relieved that I didn't have to have a big conversation about it. (My father, who would not have been so sanguine, was fortuitously working overseas at the time.)
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From:tatjna
Date:November 11th, 2010 09:52 pm (UTC)
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Hehe I was a library/encyclopaedia/garage sale sneaker for porn, too. ;-)
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From:helianthas
Date:November 11th, 2010 10:37 pm (UTC)
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For me, it was Wifey by Judy Blume, and anything by "Anonymous".

ps I love your mom.
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From:fallaras
Date:November 12th, 2010 03:52 am (UTC)

Kids and the P0rn-net, rule 34, let's over protect?

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OMG - I just realise I had to look up "On Our Backs" in google....
Oh well, lucky I'm the work "safe content watcher" *wink*

I was internet in the days of BBS and newsgroups...
I know I sure looked at/read all sorts of stuff... Some of it not so nice, and had my folks known I would have been sent to a monastery a million miles from the nearest peace of refined metal...
But for all that, it’s not made me into something horrible or nasty - I settled on my own like-dislike sexually and its pretty average (Unless you ask my folks *grin*) and I'm accepting of a lot of other styles and flavours of sexual expression, boundary’s, points of views.
Decisions I made because I was able to explore them as I discovered them, rather than having to deal with an overwhelming social viewpoint before I could see whether it worked for me or not, and if for people it did work for I was able to get along with.


As for my whole PoV on the internet safety issue - it’s about two things...
Parental responsibility and Self-responsibility

Neither one serves a lot of sense by itself without the support of the other. And one shouldn’t be expected unless earned or given up without reason)

- The olds can harp all they want, but until I'm responsible it isn't going to stick and that’s when they have to be responsible for me – I’m a child.
- When I am showing responsibility for myself, then there is no need for them to harp, and controls they put in are unnecessary.

A few years back there was a bit of an internet stink, kind-of just before the first time I heard the advice that maybe parents should put the PC in the living room...

I wrote back a letter to the paper at the time...
Might be a relevant read (if a little dated):
---------------
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[User Picture]
From:fallaras
Date:November 12th, 2010 03:53 am (UTC)

Re: Kids and the P0rn-net, rule 34, let's over protect?

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The Dominion - MONDAY, 04 FEBRUARY 2002
Under-10s meet strangers off the Net
04 February 2002
By MARIANNE BETTS
One in four children aged between 7 and 10 who use the Internet have had a face-to-face meeting with someone they contacted on the Net, and most do not tell their parents, a new study reveals.

The Internet Safety Group is alarmed by the number of children in New Zealand meeting such people face to face, often without employing adequate safeguards, thereby putting themselves at risk.

The Net Generation: Internet Safety Issues for Young New Zealanders, by the Internet Safety Group and the University of Auckland, is the biggest survey of its type in New Zealand, and one of the biggest internationally.

More than 2500 young people aged between 7 and 19 at three Auckland schools were questioned. Ninety-two per cent used the Internet.

A total of 23 per cent of Net-using children aged between 7 and 10 had a face-to-face meeting with someone they met on the Internet, and this figure leapt to 37 per cent in the 16-plus age group.

Of those to meet someone, 18 per cent employed no safety strategies at all, while others went with someone, met in a public place, told their parents, or talked about it with someone.

Internet Safety Group spokeswoman Liz Butterfield said she had been shocked by the high number of 7 to 10-year-olds meeting someone they had met on the Net.

"Some are not even employing safety strategies - not even half told their parents, and if all they did was to tell a friend, then I'm worried," she said. "Do they understand how little they know about that person? The Internet gives people a feeling of intimacy, they feel the other person knows a lot about them, but they forget they've never laid eyes on the person, never heard their voice."

Seven per cent of students felt unsafe or threatened - some suffered physical harassment and others wanting to meet a girl suspected their "friend" lied about their sex.

A respondent said: "I had a 40-year-old stalker." Another said: "I gave my telephone number to a guy and he began threatening me on the phone one night, saying stuff like 'watch your back, b––'."

Of those to feel unsafe, only 20 per cent reported telling a parent.

Cross-gender meetings were the most common, with 70 per cent of females meeting males and 66 per cent of males meeting females.

Most students reported meeting someone of their own age, but 3 per cent met someone much older than them - aged more than 25.
Under-10s meet strangers off the Net
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From:fallaras
Date:November 12th, 2010 03:53 am (UTC)

Re: Kids and the P0rn-net, rule 34, let's over protect?

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In response to ‘Under-10s meet strangers off the Net’ Monday 4 Feb 2002

7 to 10?? What happened to parental responsibility? To supervision? Who doesn’t know where their 10-year-old child is? If a 10 year old, never mind a 7 year old, is wandering unsupervised in the wide world then I have an issue with the adults who are responsible for them. Last time I looked at the law, children where still minors until 16 and 18.

As a computer professional I spend a great amount of time on computers, I work with them, I conduct business through them, I keep in contact with family and friends with the tools they provide, and I meet new people through them.
In working with computers and being exposed to the mass of material available through the Internet I would never dream of letting my young children have unsupervised access to the Internet. Who in their right mind would give their child unrestricted access to pay TV? To the Video Store? To magazines? Then why are we allowing them unlimited and unsupervised access to the Internet, a media store that contains un-censorable content eclipsing all the above?

I have had my fair share of “You are how old?” and “I’m only X years old!” surprises, but even with the standard Internet question ‘asl?’ (Age, sex, location) I find few ‘young people’ out there; even though after a few minuets it becomes obvious they are not the 18 year old they claim to be.
I am not against catching and dealing, in the most harsh of way, with internet stalkers and indeed any sort of person who preys on innocent children, but more and more I have seen issues of parental supervision, or a lack their of, being advertised as an internet issue.

That’s not to say that parents should be the police of their children forever. Children need room to grow up, space to explore their own thoughts and feelings and explore the world – even the dark corners – they are there they will run into them…
But if a parent is responsible in there communication, education, and displays a non-hypocritical standard (Nothing like a parent saying “Don’t look at naughty pictures” and then having a child find there stash of magazines, movies or other to destroy all communication and credibility)
However once a child grows into their own, as with all things it is right for them to have the independence to make decisions, there parents to support them when they ask (And if the communication and integrity is there, they will), and the right to make their own choices…

But com on…10 years is a little too young to be fending for one’s self…
-TLBD
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From:tatjna
Date:November 11th, 2010 09:51 pm (UTC)
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I guess Teh Evuls means a couple of things to me - dangers to him personally, which I think he's pretty safe from because like you he's not stupid and he knows how to keep himself safe, and things like cyberbullying, either as a victim or as a perpetrator. He got a bit of flak when he started playing WoW because he was quite young and couldn't type fast while playing, and that hurt him. But now I'm pretty sure he can hold his own.

That last paragraph - very good reason for teenagers to have their own computer IMO.
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From:morbid_curious
Date:November 12th, 2010 12:16 am (UTC)
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Or if not their own computer, certainly their own user account.
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From:phaetonschariot
Date:November 12th, 2010 09:07 pm (UTC)
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lol I've stumbled across a few really young people in WoW. A couple were absolutely terrible but some are really friendly and fun.
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From:pythia
Date:November 12th, 2010 04:58 am (UTC)
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This, all of it. Even down to finding dad's porn stash. Haha!
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From:clashfan
Date:November 11th, 2010 10:08 pm (UTC)
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In the States, the two big evils now are 1) Sexual predators luring the kiddo into a real life situation (there's even television shows about this) and 2) Internet bullying. The fear of teens seeing some icky nasty pr0n has lessened quite a lot.

When Beloved Nephew came for the odd weekend, and wanted to use the computer, I told him 'No gambling, no porn,' (Not that he shouldn't look at porn, I just didn't want him doing it at my house, on my browser--irrational, I know.) When he and his dad (my brother) were over once and he asked to use the compuer, I said "What are the rules?" and he rattled off "No gambling, no porn." My brother found this funny.
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From:pleiadeslion
Date:November 11th, 2010 11:23 pm (UTC)
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When I first got on line internet porn generally took so long to download it was hardly worth it. I was surfing in the era prior to any concept of 'internet stranger danger', so I think my parents were pleased that when I was on the computer I was at home not out somewhere drinking out of a wine bladder. Although I did that too.

Your kid sounds very sensible. And you sound like an awesome Mum.
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From:phaetonschariot
Date:November 12th, 2010 09:05 pm (UTC)
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haha ditto! and they had pop up ads, which I loathed with a fiery passion. I got online a few years before mp3s were a big deal to download (most of my activity wasn't even in a web browser, it was email and newsgroups). My first computer had a 40MB hard drive - the original family computer had no hard drive, and no GUI. We could all program simplish programs in BASIC before we left primary school.
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From:t_c_da
Date:November 12th, 2010 12:22 am (UTC)
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Yay! on the going to a cooking class!

Good thing to learn a few cooking skills (maybe I should learn me some too, eh?), and I agree about wok cooking - fewer dishes to wash up afterwards FTW!!

And when I was a teenager, the big thing was listening to "B Class" radio because the olds disapproved of it. Or I'd listen to John Peel on BBC shortwave to catch up on next month's (or the month after) hit songs...

Oh, and this was in the age of Thomas Watson Jr.'s comment: "I can see no reason for IBM to build computers as 5 will satisfy the computing needs of the entire US", or not long after...
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From:phaetonschariot
Date:November 12th, 2010 08:59 pm (UTC)
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The internet was on a family computer (though we started to get our own personal computers fairly early, quality depending on our ability to save up), but we tended to get left alone when we were using it. There wasn't any security on it, the internet account details were automatically saved so all you had to do was press connect, and we all knew how to wipe the cache.

I was also far more interested in world building than porn, though. :P

I'm pretty sure I was the first person I knew to even have internet at home, but by the time I had friends who had it, they didn't have any supervision either. At one friend's house we even used to chat to strangers and then meet them and go for drives. (In groups, with knives hidden in our boots. haha.)
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From:megapope
Date:November 13th, 2010 07:25 am (UTC)
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Oh man. The internets.

I discovered the web fairly late compared to a lot of my friends. I think I was... 16, 17, when I discovered online roleplaying and msn and slowly explored from there. And of course I discovered internet porn.

Sadly for my best friend at the time I discovered internet porn on his computer, since I didn't own one and my parents couldn't afford to buy me one. So I watched all manner of perverted fun things on this poor bastard's machine, with every late 90s bit of spyware that you could imagine infesting his browser in the process.

Before THAT it was trashy magazines all the way. :D
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