Bubbles and other round things - Tactical Ninja
May. 3rd, 2007
10:13 am - Bubbles and other round things
Yesterday, I got a package of surgical gloves in the mail. I have the best friends! ;-)
Also yesterday, my Mum gave me a bubble machine. I have the best Mum too!
I found this yesterday while looking for something else. It took me back to the warm, sunny, not-like-today days of when we had actual summer. Also to Kiwiburn. Which was when the thing I'd been saying Bring It On to, actually coheezed *winks at jodi* into something Big. You know those things that happen, and you know things are never going to be quite the same again? Yeah, that.
In other news, my dream? The one I thought I'd lost? It's back. Another iteration, a few changes here and there, but definitely back. YAY! *skips*
And now for the obligatory commentary on the anti-smacking bill.
I am struggling to decide how I feel about the legislation. On one hand, I find it hard to swallow the idea that there is an 'acceptable level of violence against your children' - let alone define what level that is. On the other, I am getting annoyed with the government reducing the level of personal responsibility in NZ citizens. At what point do we stop thinking (and more importantly, making ethical judgements) for ourselves, and start just doing as we're told?
I got smacked as a kid. Yes, my parents (usually Mum, as the one that was around most and therefore the disciplinarian) were violent towards me as punishment for what they considered to be unacceptable behaviour. The thing about this violence was that it was never inflicted in the heat of the moment. Heat-of-the-moment stuff was done by voice (and my Mum has a screech that could stop a train when she chooses to use it). Hitting was done thus:
"You've done something so bad that I feel I have to punish you. You're going to get the jam spoon. Now sit there and wait while I go get it."
In other words, in cold blood, and with time for us to anticipate before it happened. The pain of being smacked once or twice with the jam spoon was nothing compared to the anticipation of the pain. And that is why it was punishment. Psych one to Mum.
Another thing. I helped a friend with her Psychology degree. One of the things she learned as part of this was two important things about children:
1) Kids generally don't get to the level of cognition where they 'get' delayed gratification (and thus, ongoing consequence) till they are about four or five.
2) By the time a kid is four or five, a lot of 'imprint' type learning has gone on, and their personality is starting to develop, along with habitual response.
As a mother who has observed small children playing - kids are violent. They get angry and hit out - not because they learned it from their parents but because it's instinct when angry or threatened.
This says to me that trying to reason with a kid that's under five is probably confusing for them and pointless for the adult, and that kids will hit/hurt each other, and if we don't stop them from doing it, by the time they are four or five it'll be a habit that becomes very hard to break.
I don't have any answers as to how to get around this without smacking. I have never smacked Tommy. But Tommy is an easy, biddable, even tempered kid who always responded to other techniques (I can screech too), well before it escalated to smacking territory. Every kid is different. I've seen other kids totally ignore their parents doing exactly the same things that work really well on Tommy.
So yeah. I understand the need to protect kids from over-violent parents. As a parent myself, I understand the need for some means of disciplining kids, that actually works and isn't just pandering to pc-ness. I am not having any more kids, partly because my first was so easy and I'm afraid that I'd pay for that with the next one. ;-) I think parents should be allowed to take responsibility for how they bring up their kids, and that the government should not be invading people's homes and creating laws that remove the right to judge for oneself. I also think that there are a lot of other contributing factors in our shocking statistics about serious harm parent to child, that won't be addressed by legislation against smacking.
Finally, I don't think Sue Bradford is qualified to judge. She has no children of her own.
So I lied about content. Spank me.